Returning to me.

Wow. It has been almost two weeks since my last post. This year has been an odd one and I reluctantly admit that I have put writing on the back burner. Eh, maybe I’ve put it somewhere in that lost toaster oven hiding in the depths of my yet unpacked basement.

Okay, let’s be a little more honest. It has been an odd couple of years.

When life tosses unexpected turns, people typically respond in one of two ways. They either radiate or they internalize.

Last year when we endured our real estate adventures, the move, school changes, and my mom’s health problems, I radiated. I wrote lots, I talked lots, I learned lots and shared all of those lots with all of you. What I experienced and what it produced in me poured freely.

This season, however, has found me quiet, if not still. I’ve not shared much. Much has happened, but instead of radiating, I’ve kind of locked up. Rather than spouting my thoughts and often mediocre epiphanies, I’ve drowned myself in other writings. In other people’s thoughts. In other creative pursuits. The funny thing is that I haven’t missed writing.

Well, not too much.

While I’m not quite to the point of overflowing, I am filling. Many things have been percolating behind my relatively quiet facade. It won’t be long before I leave my introspective patterns and return to … me.

Recently I shared with a friend that two paths lie before me: I have my Zaties stuff and then I have my writing stuff. In uncharacteristic apathy, I confessed to this friend that I could go full throttle in either direction and be fine. That’s when she reminded me that apathy does not suit me.

“Anyone can make purses,” she said. “But you have a rare gift, and I’d hate to see you throw it away.”

I don’t know that I have a rare gift, but Frannie was right. Apathy is unbecoming, especially on those who belong to the King. And if that King has given me a gift, rare or not, it is my duty and honor to use it fully.

I don’t really want to make purses forever. It’s fun and who doesn’t love making money doing something they enjoy? But it’s not why I’m here. It’s just easier than the alternative.

I would love to be a speaker, a Bible teacher, an encourager of women. I feel God working most through me when I fill those roles. That’s when I’m the me I was created to be. Pursuing that, though, can be quite terrifying.

So, I’m praying. I would appreciate your prayers, too. I don’t want to waste this life by choosing a holding pattern, especially if my only reason for choosing that is fear of choosing better. At the same time, I don’t want to jump in over my head, something I’ve been known to do.

Wisdom. As always I beg for wisdom.

One step at a time.

First step: return to writing. Not just freelance assignments or editing jobs here and there, but real, substantive writing in the direction He leads.

Second step: refuse to quit.

Your Turn: Are you in a season of radiating or internalizing? What gifts might you have percolating that you fear pursuing?

Talk to me!

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