I can’t fix this.

My mother tells me I’m a fixer. She insists that I simply can’t let things be; I have to make everything better. I plunge in wholeheartedly with immediate attempts and expect immediate results. She’s probably more right than I’d like to admit.

From one angle this sounds like a good thing, always striving for improvement, helping those in need. From another side, it comes off as arrogant, as if I have solutions for everyone and everything. From my point of view, it can be exhausting.

I don’t have all the answers.

I can’t fix every problem.

I physically ache for peace. I crave a visible, tangible reign of justice and righteousness, but … well, those things cannot be perfectly sustained in a fallen world. We get glimpses here and there. I want to grab those flickers of hope and pin them down somewhere. Force them to stretch and cover all the earth.

This blog has been silent for a while. There are number of reasons. We had a big birthday party (that included my husband pitching baseball to twelve 4-8 year-old-boys for three hours in 90-degree heat while I watched my beautifully decorated cakes melt). There was a 60th anniversary party and a family bridal shower (both out of state) and then I had a wonderful week visiting with my mom and a dear friend from back “home” in Indiana. All this made it easy to put writing on a dusty shelf. The biggest reason I haven’t been here, however, was that I needed a break. Life online had gotten too intense.

I can’t fix the problem or presence of pornography. I can’t fix the debate over gay marriage or abortion or free speech. I can’t fix the inconsistencies running rampant through the vocal communities on both sides of everything. As these issues (and many more) flooded my brain and broke my heart, I had to step away.

Sleep-deprived, anxiety-stricken and more than a little on edge, I was reminded that I don’t have to fix anything.

“Be still. Let faith arise.”

“I lift my hands to believe again. You are my refuge; You are my strength. As I pour out my heart, these things I remember. You are faithful, God, forever.

Before anyone misunderstands, when I say “be still” it does not mean “do nothing.” We are absolutely to do something. We are to do all that we can! BUT — once we have done all that we can, we must entrust the results to the One who can fix everything. We must let faith arise.

~~~
Music video by Chris Tomlin performing I Lift My Hands. (P) (C) 2011 sixstepsrecords/Sparrow Records. All rights reserved. Click here for audio downloads and/or the full album.

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