My mother tells me I’m a fixer. She insists that I simply can’t let things be; I have to make everything better. I plunge in wholeheartedly with immediate attempts and expect immediate results. She’s probably more right than I’d like to admit.
From one angle this sounds like a good thing, always striving for improvement, helping those in need. From another side, it comes off as arrogant, as if I have solutions for everyone and everything. From my point of view, it can be exhausting.
I don’t have all the answers.
I can’t fix every problem.
I physically ache for peace. I crave a visible, tangible reign of justice and righteousness, but … well, those things cannot be perfectly sustained in a fallen world. We get glimpses here and there. I want to grab those flickers of hope and pin them down somewhere. Force them to stretch and cover all the earth.
This blog has been silent for a while. There are number of reasons. We had a big birthday party (that included my husband pitching baseball to twelve 4-8 year-old-boys for three hours in 90-degree heat while I watched my beautifully decorated cakes melt). There was a 60th anniversary party and a family bridal shower (both out of state) and then I had a wonderful week visiting with my mom and a dear friend from back “home” in Indiana. All this made it easy to put writing on a dusty shelf. The biggest reason I haven’t been here, however, was that I needed a break. Life online had gotten too intense.
I can’t fix the problem or presence of pornography. I can’t fix the debate over gay marriage or abortion or free speech. I can’t fix the inconsistencies running rampant through the vocal communities on both sides of everything. As these issues (and many more) flooded my brain and broke my heart, I had to step away.
Sleep-deprived, anxiety-stricken and more than a little on edge, I was reminded that I don’t have to fix anything.
“Be still. Let faith arise.”
“I lift my hands to believe again. You are my refuge; You are my strength. As I pour out my heart, these things I remember. You are faithful, God, forever.“
Before anyone misunderstands, when I say “be still” it does not mean “do nothing.” We are absolutely to do something. We are to do all that we can! BUT — once we have done all that we can, we must entrust the results to the One who can fix everything. We must let faith arise.
Music video by Chris Tomlin performing I Lift My Hands. (P) (C) 2011 sixstepsrecords/Sparrow Records. All rights reserved. Click here for audio downloads and/or the full album.