Life is good and things are moving, but I am struggling to get back to “normal” in this new year. Maybe that’s intentional (not by me, of course, but by our Greater Power). Maybe that’s a very good thing. 2010 was a very interesting year. It stretched our family and our faith. We learned a lot. We hope for more years like it.
With that hope comes a great expectation of discomfort. While we complained and hurt and ached and stressed, we grew much. I truly am torn about this.
I like my routine and I don’t like the idea of losing it. I don’t want all that unsettled chaos to envelope us again. I cringe just thinking about facing another transition. Heather wrote about this recently — possessing the desire to be bohemian and spontaneous, but at the root of things preferring predictability and a touch of mundane. That’s me. I like my safe, comfortable, controlled kingdom. But I’m not here to build MY kingdom.
The flip-side of expecting discomfort is knowing it can produce wonderful results. I get almost giddy to know God may have something bigger and better planned for us. That simple unknown wrapped in fully trusting our mighty Creator is … well, it’s invigorating. It thrills me with the prospect of me having a small part in something spectacular.
And so I sit with baited breath. I refuse to make resolutions knowing I’m not in control anyway. I wait, wondering what in the world God has in store for us this year.
Maybe one of these days I’ll find a way to be consistent even without a scheduled routine. In the meantime, I eagerly anticipate what today may bring.