I was doing great. It was a beautiful spring Sunday, and I felt good. Colored light danced through stained glass and dappled the congregation. I smiled, hugged friends and enjoyed being at church that morning, forgetting our private struggle for a while. Then the greeting time came. You know, when everyone gets up out of their seats to welcome one another before the sermon starts. She walked across the small sanctuary all the way to my side, wrapped her arms around me. I smiled still.
“You’re so brave,” she said.
That’s when I fell apart.
That’s when the three years of empty arms collapsed my reserve. Three years of waiting. Three years of tests and surgeries and drugs and still … no baby. It was Mother’s Day, but not for me.
My friend knew of our private journey through infertility. She had traveled a similar road and meant to encourage me. Instead it crumbled me. I ran sobbing out the back door of the church while my husband, in his very protective way, yelled at our friend (possibly a bit harshly) before chasing me and helping me drown my throbbing heartache, once again, in prayers and ice cream.
It would be another year (more, actually) before we would ever see a little line appear. It would be another year of fretting and waiting and stressing and praying, wondering why God wouldn’t simply open my womb and bless us. What had I done wrong? Why was I being punished? Why wouldn’t the agony subside or the desire diminish? At least a little. It was too much. And why didn’t anyone understand how hard it all was?
During that time, I would have paid anything to have a book like this. I would have done anything to know that I wasn’t alone … I wasn’t forgotten or forsaken.
This book has no fireworks or earth-shattering gimmicks. It’s not flashy, but it feeds the starving hearts of those in the desert of empty arms and empty wombs. A dry soul doesn’t need flashy.
Lesli is no stranger to infertility. She has experienced all the range of emotions, the prodding of doctors, and the stinging disappointments. Yet through it all she’s found significance offering hope and inspiration to the wounded heart of the barren soul. Through her own experience and those shared from others, an online ministry was created Dancing Upon Barren Land ~ Spiritual Nourishment for the Infertility Road. Now she speaks to women around the world through the website and leads locals support groups too, along with providing a resource through this book.
Lesli enjoys life. She loves spending time with her husband, Larry, her man of faith and live-in comedian. She loves spending time with her family and friends, and traveling, especially road trips. Most of all, her passion is sharing God’s love and teaching the Bible to women, inspiring beleif there’s healing for the grief of infertility and sorrow from loss, and there is joy in the journey while we wait.
You may also be interested in this post: What NOT to Say to Friends Facing Infertility.