One year ago this week we put our house on the market. Today I wandered through a fistful of old blog drafts, posts never published. This is one I wrote somewhere in the midst of all the chaos we survived last year. God is so good! He does indeed do what He says He will. I type this now in the dining room of the “promised” house mentioned below. But even if we hadn’t gotten this house, even if I still hadn’t a clue what He was doing (which describes me on most days), I would still proclaim His goodness. He is God and He loves me and that’s all I need.
“We pondered your love-in-action, God,
waiting in your temple:
Your name, God, evokes a train
of Hallelujahs wherever
It is spoken, near and far;
your arms are heaped with goodness-in-action.
“Be glad, Zion Mountain;
Dance, Judah’s daughters!
He does what he said he’d do!“
— Psalm 48:9–11 (The Message)
I have written several chapters of a book tentatively titled “When God Breaks His Promises.” I don’t know if I’ll ever finish it, but the theme seems to follow me. The title makes my mother very nervous because the Bible clearly states that God never breaks His promises. The book isn’t about broken promises as much as misinterpreted promises.
Today brings another deadline in our real estate adventure. Another deadline that mirrors the one missed last week. And the week before. This process has been exhausting, both physically and spiritually. Our faith has been stretched, our patience tested, our resolve doubted.
I shared a picture with you a while back. When we first saw that house, I knew — well, I didn’t KNOW, but I really, really felt God had set it aside for us. Something inside simply convinced me, from head to toe, that that would be our new home. We had seen others come and go. We had admired other houses and fought to align the details, but this one was different. I just felt in my gut that God was saving it for us and us for it.
Was that a promise? Or did I misinterpret His guidance?
Since then we’ve encountered delay after delay, an emotional roller coaster I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. We were assured the house was ours, and then it wasn’t. We had a buyer, but then she disappeared. This morning I sit, wondering yet again. What turn will come today? Will all the pieces come together?
Are these trials or roadblocks? Should we keep pushing through or accept these difficulties as signs that God wants us going another way?
I don’t know the answers. God’s voice seems vague and undecipherable. Or maybe I just doubt my ability to understand Him.
I’ve been wrong so many times before. Either God really likes to surprise me or I am simply terrible at recognizing His will. Who am I to know the mind of God? Is claiming my desires as His plan an arrogant thing to do? Are they my desires or His will?
I don’t know.
What I do know is that the answers really don’t matter too much. Please don’t misunderstand me — of course my desires matter to God and absolutely God’s will matters. But whether or not I understand the answers is irrelevant. Wherever He leads I will follow, and I am content with “broken promises” as long as I’m by His side.