Category Archives: Zach
April Ellie-isms & Zach Attacks
Here’s your monthly dose of Ellie-isms and Zach Attacks. I must warn you: Zach definitely ruled this month with his kid quotes. He is hysterical! But Ellie collected her crown for drama and funny faces. I love it. ENJOY!
Zach: “I’m faster than a race car, and you’re slower than a slow race car.”
Grandma: “Can I have one of your cars?”
Zach: “If it’s way cool, then it’s not for you.”
Zach, while riding his bike: “I am stronger than this hill!”
Zach, also while riding his bike: “Look at me. I’m going allegro!”
Ellie: “When I grow up, I’m going to have five children. No — NINETY-five children!”
Ellie: “I wish this park had a ‘No Dogs’ sign. TWO?! 
That’s too much. I’m going to make signs for this park!”
Ellie: “Mommy, look at your daughter’s face. Does she look happy or sad about what you just said?”
Zach: “Mama, look who’s sticking their tongue out and wants to go to sleep.”
Ellie: “Look who’s not sticking their tongue out and wants to go to the mall.”
Zach: “I know what these are for. This knife is for cutting boxes and those scissors are for cutting paper and paper covers rock!”
Ellie, with swollen and itchy eyes, thanks to seasonal allergies: “I like life better when I don’t feel like this.”
Zach, upon seeing our pollen-covered car: “Oh, no. Mom, the sun pooped on our car.”
March Ellie-isms & Zach Attacks
Happy April! The first of the month means a review of the last. Here are some of my favorite kid quotes from March. Enjoy!
Ellie: “I put chopsticks on my lips all the time when they’re dry.”
(This is not about dry chopsticks, but rather dry lips and chapstick.)
Zach: “Daddy’s a boy and Ben is a boy and I’m a boy. I think that means Ben and Ellie’s brother are TWINS!!”
Ellie: “I have an idea for a new project! We take celery and pop on a head, and it’s a camel! Camels say ‘uuuuuurrrrr!!’ U-R urrrrrrr. Do camels have legs?”
Me: “Oh, no. A bird pooped on the car.”
Ellie: “Are we allowed to say bird poop?”
Me: “Well — “
Zach: “POOP! Poopy! Poopy! Poopy! Poopy! Poopy! BIRD POOP!”
Ellie: “Mom, I need to go to bed now. I have five things I’m sick about today. One: my eyes are itchy, and I can’t see. Two: my ears are funny, and I can’t hear well during the night. Three: I can’t smell well. Four: I have a teef-cut. And five: my fingernails are a little bit hurty.”
(It’s allergy season. I’m not sure what a “teefcut” is, but I think it has something to do with biting her cheek. Maybe.)
Zach: “But I’m not tired because — One: I’m hungry. And, two: I don’t want to.”
(Obviously, counting is a big deal around here.)
Zach: “Only pee-pee came out. I think my poopy went to the library in my tummy. He’ll go downstairs later when he’s ready to come out.”
(I have no idea where he got the idea for compartmentalizing his body, but I think it’s so funny! We call our upstairs loft “the library”, so maybe … yeah, I don’t know.)
Me: “Ellie, what do you want to wear today?”
Ellie: “Oh, Mom, I can’t! My mind and my thinking mind are fighting, so I can’t think.
Me: “Huh? What are they fighting about?”
Ellie: “My mind and my thinking mind … (grunt) want a clean basketball, but … oh! They can’t get the mud … My thinking mind … and then my walking mind said — (grunt) … Ah, that’s better.
Me, laughing: “Are you okay?”
Ellie: “Yeah. I want to wear my Tinkerbell shirt, but my eating mind wants some peanuts. Can I have some peanuts?”
And in case anyone has doubts about sinful nature, this is what my cherubs said yesterday:
Zach: “We need to find money.”
Me: “Why?”
Zach: “To put in our piggy banks.”
Ellie: “And we found LOTS!”
Zach: “Yup, yup.”
Me: “Where?”
Ellie: “In your room!”
Zach: “You gots lots of purses!”
Ellie, conspiratorially whispered as they walked away: “Don’t let Mommy interfere. We’re gonna steal all her monies!”
Zach, with a menacing laugh: “Yeah! You look in her guitar and I’ll check her shoes. Ha, ha, ha!”
Mama Loves: Blatant honesty
Mama Loves is my weekly exercise in positive blogging. Learn more at this post.
This week reminded me how much Mama loves blatant honesty.
Anyone who has ever spent time around preschoolers or knows anyone who has knows they speak their minds. No internal censor exists. What they see and think is what you get. I love it. Sure, a little tact might be nice once in a while, but they have plenty of time to learn that. For now, I find it refreshing to be around people who say exactly what they observe. Here are some of my favorites from this week.
Ellie: “Mommy, you have hair all over skin! Your body’s covered with it, just like Grandpa.”
Ellie: “Mama, you’ve got lots of freckles. I don’t like freckles. Maybe you should put make-up on those.”
Zach, while patting my thigh: “You’re so jiggly.”
Zach: “Please stop singing. You’re giving me a headache.”
Yup. There’s nothing like a couple preschoolers to tell it like it is. A perfectly wonderful humbling experience.
Kid Quotes for February
It’s time for this month’s issue of Ellie-isms and Zach Attacks. Enjoy!
Ellie: “I know just about everything except for how old you are.”
Zach, while watching the garbage men: “They are just the coolest mans EVER!”
Ellie: “Only three more sleeps ’til Granny gets here!”
Zach, just before starting a new art project: “I’m gonna go stamp it up.”
Ellie: “I have a great idea. On Saturday when I come down the stairs you all jump and say ‘Surprise! Happy birthday!’ and then I will say ‘Oh, thank you! I’m so surprised!’ and I’ll be so happy. Isn’t that a good idea?”
Zach: “Let’s have a race.”
Ellie: “Okay.”
Both: “One …”
Zach: “THREE! I win!!”
Zach: “Oh, look at this koala. He’s SO CUTE! He has pink snots.”
Translation: “I really like the pink nostrils in this illustration of a koala.”
Ellie: “When Granny gets here she’s going to sleep in my room. I want her to sleep in my spot where I usually sleep and I’ll sleep on the other side of my bed where I sleep when there’s too much pee-pee on my favorite side.”
Zach: “Mommy, I burped.”
Me: “You did? Why did you do that?”
Zach: “I’m a boy, Mom. That’s just what boys do.”
Ellie-isms & Zach Attacks: January 09
Blame it on Ruthie dying or me switching websites, but I can’t find a complete list of kid quotes for January. Here is an abridged version including some additions to our family dictionary.
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Ellie: (sung to the tune of “Deep and Wide”) Brush your teeth. Brush your teeth. Brush your teeth every day. If you don’t, you won’t die but you’ll have to go to the dentist!”
Zach: (This was after being told to put away the toys in his room.) “Um, Mom? I’m Zach. Did you forget? I’m not a cleaning boy; I’m Zach.”
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Dictionary Additions:
Postibull: This can mean either “possible” or “hospital” depending on the context. For example, “Mama, I don’t think it’s postibull for us to go to the postibull today.”
Good Five: High-five, often encouraged after someone has completed a job successfully. “Mama, I put away my toys. Come give me a good five!”
Bungled: This means a connection or the past tense act of connecting, usually in reference to trains (Thomas and Friends). For example, “Thomas and James bungled up to the troublesome trucks.”
Boing off: A verb, this phrase means to jump. “Mama, I want to boing off myself.” In other words, don’t help me jump. It can also be followed by a direct object, like this: “Ellie, let’s go boing off the couch. Shhh … don’t tell Mommy!”
December Ellie-isms and Zach Attacks
Ellie, while holding an angel high over the Nativity, Thomas and other train friends: “Attention, engines and people! Behold, a savior has been born; He is Christ the Lord! Engines and people! Sing ‘Glory to God in the highest!’”
Zach: “Wow, Mom, dogs REALLY like milk! Wait — that’s a cow.”
Ellie: “Um, Mom? I was trying to listen to you read that book, but the Christmas tree is so big and beautiful, and it sticks up above the top of the book. So I decided to look at the tree instead of looking at the book. I hope you don’t mind.”
Zach: “Let’s play Under Britches!”
Translation: “Let’s play London Bridge.”
Zach: “RUFFA-BUM-BUM!”
Zach repeatedly shouted this all month in a very manly voice (well, as manly as a three-year-old can). “Little Drummer Boy” is by far Zach’s favorite Christmas song.
Zach: “Mom, what are you doing in here? You know this is Daddy’s fix-it shop – right? I don’t think he would want you in here, ’cause you don’t know how to fix anything and you might get cut and I don’t want to see your guts.”
Ellie: “There’s a bug in my room! C’mon, Mom.”
Zach: “I got the scissors. Everyone got your sharp stuff? We’ll cut that bug!”
Me: “Wait – what?”
Ellie: “Mom, you get a paper towel. Me and Zach got the scissors. Let’s go, brave people! Let’s go get that bug.”
Zach: “Brave people to the rescue!”
Ellie: “I don’t want to go home. I want to stay here ’cause this is vacation and I’m a vacation girl.”
Zach: “It’s aggrieved!”
He shouts this whenever he and Ellie agree on something.
Zach, upon seeing my new guitar: “Wait, Mom! Don’t touch anything.” Three minutes later he returned with his drum. “Are you ready to rock? Let’s jam!”
November Ellie-isms and Zach Attacks
Zach: “Ellie, I know a song so you won’t be sad. (The following was sung to the tune of Jingle Bells.) Tinkerbell and Isabel. Tinker, tinker, Isabel. Isabel and Tinkerbell!!”
Ellie: “Oh, Zach! Thank you for singing me that song. It makes my heart SO happy!”
Zach: “Me and Mommy, me and Mommy and I pick you!” (Zach’s version of “Eenie, Meenie, Miney, Moe.”)
Ellie: “I don’t think the boys will like how it smells in here. I think we should stop breathing when someone toots.”
Zach: “Daddy said not to whine, so I’m going to go to sleep.”
Ellie, after seeing Christmas decorations on street lamps: “MOM! We gotta talk to somebody. The whole town forgot about Thanksgiving!!”
Ellie: “I love this show. I just love it! It makes me want to cry a happy cry.”
The not-so-spiritual side of my day.
This morning I was basking in Scripture and the glory of God’s presence. This evening I’m just trying to figure out how to fix my son’s stanky breath. Let me explain.
I now know Zach loves onion rings. Before last night (Saturday) he had only had them when Burger King dropped one in our fries by mistake. Well, being the sweet mama that I am, I bought a bag from the grocery store and served them up with Corn Flake-Crusted Cod. Great recipe, by the way! Healthy, light, delicious and a definite favorite in this house. (Hmmm … maybe I should have a spot for recipes somewhere on this site.) Anywho, I offered my own version of fish-n-chips to rave reviews from my groupies. And that was when I learned about Zach’s passion for pungent food.
The Boy ate sixteen onion rings. At least that’s how many I counted. He also ate some fish. By this morning the smell of onions oozed from his pores. His breath is nasty! I’ve brushed his teeth twice, given him a bath, changed his clothes, like, four times and forced him to eat TicTacs. Can you believe he still smells?! Oh, I love this kid, but he’s going to suffocate me the next time laughs in my face or tries to tackle me with one of his infamous monkey hugs.
HELP!! Anyone got tips for killing a preschool boy’s onion breath? I’m all ears.
Ellie-isms & Zach Attacks for October
Ellie: “Can you guys keep it down? I’m trying to rhyme over here.”
Me, to Zach who was sitting on the toilet: “Did you go?”
Zach: “No.”
Me: “Just a toot?”
Zach: “No. I wanted it to be real poopy, but it was just pretend.”
Ellie: “I think we should go to a restaurant for lunch today.”
Me: “What restaurant do you want to go to?”
Ellie: “The restaurant by the ballet studio.”
Me: “Okay. Which one?”
Ellie: “THE ONE BY THE BALLET STUDIO! Are you deaf, Mom? Can you not hear me?”
Zach: “Mom! Mom! You gotta SEE this!! The couch is all fluffy and when I fluff it, it looks fluffy!!”
Ellie: “Mom! Mom! The man on the radio said there was a mix-up of snow and rain in New Jersey!! We’re going to get snow!!!”
Me: “Well, it’s only thirty-seven degrees here — “
Zach: “I know what ‘degrees’ means. It means there’s a mix-up with winter and we need to stir it with spoon.”
Me: “What are you doing, honey?”
Ellie: “I’m just listening to you. I can’t help myself from listening to you.”
Oh, if only her “listening” actually meant “obeying” rather than “eavesdropping with the intent of sharing all that she hears.”
Me: “Zach, do you need to go potty?”
Zach: (grunt.) “No.”
Me: “You look like you need to go potty.”
Zach: “But I just love it, Mommy! I love going poopy in my pants!!”
Me: “Honey, you’re being very bossy today.”
Ellie: “Yeah. It’s ’cause I know everything.”
Ellie: “Bears have hairy faces, but we don’t. We have skinny faces.”
Me: “That’s right. Our faces are made of skin. What about bears’ bellies? Who has a hairy belly?”
Ellie: “DADDY!!”
Ellie: “Mommy, you look so pretty. Just like a horse.”
Now, these last two are frequently repeated. In fact, Ellie sings her song every morning on the way to school and most Sundays while driving to church.
Ellie’s song, sung mostly to the tune of “Jingle Bells”:
“Tinkerbell! Tinkerbell! Tinker all the way! Oh, what fun it is to ride in a Tinker-horsey sleigh. Hey! I love you (Here is where the tune goes astray.) always and forever because Tinkerbell I love you-hoo!!”
Zach, spoken at nearly every lull in any conversation: “And a DOO-DAH!!”
To this Ellie consistently replies: “What’s a doo-dah? I have no idea what a doo-dah is!“
Zach then starts laughing hysterically and sings a song about silly doo-dahs.
And there you have it, folks. Your monthly glimpse into the soundtrack of my life. Isn’t it beautiful?
PS: Happy birthday to Karen today!!
September Ellie-isms & Zach Attacks
Ellie: “Mom, you remember that one day? Daddy stayed home and you told me to take him water. And we thought he was sick? You remember that?”
Me: “Um … sure.”
Ellie: “We have lots of memories, don’t we?”
Yes, we do have lots of memories. Knowing the leaky state of mine, I’m writing them down. September’s quotes seem to fit into basic categories.
Potty Talk (seemingly the funniest thing in our house according to my children)
Rick, spoken to another driver on our way to church: “Get off my butt!”
Zach: “Daddy, you said ‘butt.’” (Zach and Ellie start giggling.)
Rick: “No, I didn’t.”
Me: “Yes, you did.”
Rick: “I did? Oh. Sorry.”
Zach: “Daddy, you’re so silly! You said ‘butt’ and we’re not in the BATHROOM! We’re in the CAR!” (The backseat then filled with hysterical laughter from both children.)
Ellie’s Translations
Ellie: “I have a ‘squita bite on my oboe and it is KILLING me!”
Translation: I have a mosquito bite on my elbow and it really, really itches.
Ellie: “Mommy, I want a snack. Can you give me chores?”
Translation: What are my snack choices?
Me: “Ellie, will you help me set the table?”
Ellie: “Yes, Mommy! I’ll get the underwear!”
Translation: I’ll get the silverware.
Zach’s Stories (For some reason they always involve aggressive crocodiles.)
Rick: “What did you guys do today?”
Zach: “I played trains and then we went to the park and Ellie was teasing me because the crocodile bit my head and I don’t like that!”
Zach: “This one time I went to work with Daddy and I got stuck on a flagpole and I was so scared and I couldn’t get down because the rocks were too slippery. And then a crocodile bit my head.”
Precociousness
Ellie to Zach: “You’re going to grow up and be a real man someday. You’ll be a daddy to your children and — ”
Zach: “Ummmm … not today.”
Me: “Honey, I need you to wait just a minute.”
Ellie: “Um, Mommy? I actually don’t like waiting.”
And then we have hopscotch, camera-shy girls and silly-faced boys.
