Category Archives: writing
Here I Go
This morning Ellie asked to have a lollipop for breakfast.
“No, honey. You can’t have sugar for breakfast. It’s not good for you.” She left the kitchen, and I feasted on peanut M&Ms.
Not until we had kids did I realize how frequently my words do not match my actions. And it’s not just about food or sleep or saying nice things about people. It’s about a healthy parent-child relationship. The expectations I have on her should be followed by me – even more so because my parent, my heavenly Father, is God. I expect Isabel to obey the first time, yet I hem and haw and even argue at God’s instructions. I am embarrassed to admit: I live a life of double standards.
This is the premise behind a book I plan to pitch at the Blue Ridge Christian Writers Conference this week. Similar in style to much of what I write here, the book challenges believers to take an objective look at their relationship with God the Father. How are we doing? Are we living up to standard? Or do we demand more respect for ourselves than we are willing to give our Father, our Creator?
This is my first writers conference. I feel overwhelmed, completely out of my league. I am confident God has brought me this far and He will take me the rest of the way. That said, I covet your prayers. Pray I will wait upon His timing and follow His lead always. Pray I will cling tight to Him knowing He is true.
Here I go. I’ll see you when I get back.
The Peace of God
It has been a week. I’ll spare you all the details if you promise to understand it’s been a trial. I have broken down in tears at least once a day. On Monday, it wasn’t just me crying – Zach and Ellie joined me in a harmony of screams and sobs in the church parking lot after a very chaotic morning. Tuesday found me crying in bed at 2am. Wednesday … well, Wednesday started to turn my week around. I won a gift certificate to Starbucks!
The ice-breaker at MOPS was a points game. We each got one point for having dirty dishes in our sinks; another point for having clothes in the dryer; a point for each diaper we changed that morning … you get the idea. A friend and I won for having been up during the night. We each boasted six times between midnight and sunrise. I was thrilled with the prize! (I’m actually enjoying my caramel macchiato as I type. It’s wonderful.) To add to my pleasure, Zach slept ten hours that night.
Then came Thursday. I turned on my laptop as usual, but nothing worked. I couldn’t access my email or any of my documents. I store everything on my laptop. My books-in-progress, my proposals, my articles, my records of submissions … everything. And it was all gone.
I took a deep breath and restarted my computer. Still nothing. I did this four times before accepting the fact that something was wrong. I shut down the computer one more time then went into the kitchen to do the dishes.
As I stood there, with sudsy hands, I prayed. “Lord, whatever You will is fine with me.” I thought of all the work I have put into those projects, the lack of duplicate copies, the short time remaining before my conference; yet, for some reason, I didn’t cry. Normally, I would have been hysterical. Six months worth of work lost and only six weeks to recreate it. As I prayed silently, this amazing peace filled me. ‘If it’s lost, it’s lost. I can’t do anything about it, so … no worries. If it’s gone, God has something else He wants me to write. He’ll help me write it better. It’s all good.’ My own thoughts shocked me. I was freaking out more about my lack of freaking out than I was about the bum computer.
I let it go knowing God was in complete control. The kids and I went about the morning. My mother-in-law arrived. (She had come to watch the kids while I used the day to write uninterrupted.) We visited for a while. My husband offered to come home from work to try fixing it. Even then, I wasn’t stressed. I wasn’t worried. I felt bizarrely calm. Just after talking with Rick, I tried the laptop one more time, just to be sure. It all came back. I don’t know how or why. I just know it’s there. Every bit of it.
Maybe God was testing my priorities. Maybe He wanted to be sure I trusted Him fully in every circumstance. I can’t say that always do! But in this instance, I knew He was in control.That knowledge allowed me to trust Him fully. That trust provided me the most amazing peace, peace beyond comprehension. I can’t explain it. All I know is this morning I had nothing, but I didn’t cry. And now I’m sitting with a cup of heaven and a working laptop.
