Posts filed under 'writing'
Ends Unraveled
Author L. L. Barkat posted on Monday about the messiness of life. The short post specifically dealt with whether or not characters in her novel should have neatly tied up chapters and lives or if she should reveal the more authentic, messy side of reality.
While I love reading and editing novels, I don’t write them. Even so her post spoke to me about my writing … and about my life.
Do I hide the unraveled threads?
Almost two years ago a friend whom I had met through this blog (and other places online) hurt me deeply. She criticized not just my writing, but me personally as a mother and a follower of Christ. It devastated me. I don’t want to get into the details, I just want to say that her words have affected the way I handle myself online. And now I wonder if the changes made have caused more damage.
Where I used to enjoy the cathartic nature of writing, I now hesitate.
Where I used to share my soul with friends and readers, I now share only glimpses, the neat and tidy glimpses.
Where I used to leave lots of wonderings and pontifications and unraveled threads, I now wait until I have the answers before posing any questions.
I don’t have all the answers. I’m not always a neat, tidy, positive person. (My husband is probably laughing out loud at that statement, since he believes only one of those adjectives ever describes me!) I struggle and I fight and I feel bitter and angry and troubled. I have doubts.
But I think all of this is part of the beauty of life – isn’t it? God can take these messed up lives and create something amazing from them, even when we fail to tie up the ends.
I’m going to try to be more authentic with you, more open with you. I’m sorry I’ve … hesitated too much lately.
2 comments February 17, 2010
Status Update
I feel like I haven’t blogged in a while. I’ve been here and there, but feel my heart hasn’t been shared. There are many reasons for that. Maybe I should make a list. (Or maybe I should just ramble since that comes most naturally.)
We are entering Week 3 of the kids’ being sick. Z-dog (Yes, I’m calling him that again. He barks at me all the time, but his preferred name of “Snowball” feels weird since that’s my brother’s dog’s name, and I digress.) withstood bacon’s revenge quite well, but then The Girl got it. We thought she was all better, sent her back to school even. Then yesterday she came down with another fever. She can currently be found snoozing on the couch with a 101.5 temperature. Meanwhile, Z-dog is at school and the principle is probably looking for my replacement as Recess Mom. You know, there is a reason I choose to work from home and this is it!
I started a new blog last month. Technically, I started it two years ago, but didn’t have a set schedule for it until last month. I’ve been posting over there regularly. If you want to check it out, click HERE.
You see, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about blogging and purpose and passion. I’m sure there are posts to be written there, but the thoughts have not yet settled. Once I reach stable ground with those lines of thinking, I’ll let you know where I land.
I know not all of you are writers. In fact, I don’t know that any of you are! And I suspect few of you really care about passive versus active voice or which book offers the best advice for writing query letters. I doubt you find my grammatical humor funny and, aside from the “His love endures forever!” panties, none of you care about marketing. So, I’m trying to divide my interests a bit. Instead of tracking all my various endeavors here, I plan to keep my professional writing life there.
You all get to keep my random mom-wife-spiritual life here. Aren’t you happy?
Eventually I’ll get back to my Bookshelf, which I hate to admit has been neglected for months, but … well, one thing at a time.
In other news, I’m shaving again. Since the shower incident a few weeks ago, I’ve been a bit squeamish. Thanks to predominantly hairless genes (don’t hate me!) and blonde hair, no one — not even my husband — noticed the lack of blade use.
My granny never shaved. She didn’t have to! The only stray hair she grew (and I mean singular — ONE hair) was from her chin. She never had hair on her legs or arms. I’m told her hair was white even as a child. She was so funny. Oh, I miss that woman.
Oh, and I should fill you in on my etsy embarkation! It’s going well. 
Today marks two weeks that I’ve been “in business.” In that time I’ve sold five purses and taken two special orders. I’m struggling to keep my shop filled! I’ve also made two purses that I don’t plan to sell. They’re just too cute to give away. I’ll post pictures later this week. If you want to see what’s currently available, check out my shop: www.zaties.etsy.com.
Several people have asked about the name. All the names I really wanted for my shop were already taken, so I played around with my kids names. Obviously the Z comes from our Z-dog. The -atie comes from our Ellie. She has several nicknames and Kate is one of them. Thus, Zatie’s was born. It sounds better than ZellieLake or LisaBuke, which are other random name scrambles I could have used.
If you missed yesterday’s post, or if you’re a mayo-hater and chose not to read it, you’ll be excited to learn that I’m going “home” this weekend! I’m so excited. I haven’t been “home” to Indiana in over three years. That sounds terrible. I have visited my mama in Kentucky and flown her out here, but I haven’t had a good excuse to return to my roots, the little mapdot where I was raised, in a very long time. I’m thrilled! My mom moved back there the beginning of summer and this is my first chance to see her new digs and my old stomping grounds. I wish I could take the kids, too, but it will be so nice to have this one-on-one time with Mama. We haven’t had that in a long time.
I think this is enough rambling for one morning. This house screams for my attention. Happy Monday, y’all!
1 comment November 9, 2009
What are your limits?
Everybody has their limits, the little invisible lines that define what is appropriate and acceptable and what is not. A number of people have asked me if I only read books by christian authors and christian publishers. The answer is a resounding “No.” Neither do I only listen to christian music or watch movies that portray christian characters. A problem arises, though, when people who know I am a christian assume that all the books I review or recommend meet their same standards of propriety.
So, here’s my question for you: what are your limits?
I understand CBA will not publish a book if it includes a single swear word. It makes me think of Gone with the Wind and all the hub-bub Selznick endured for that one famous line: “Frankly, my dear …”
Will you read a book with swear words? Are there certain swear words that are okay and others that are not? What about sensuality? Do you have different standards for books versus movies or TV?
I have a friend who insists she’ll not read books nor watch movies that include profanity. Yet she loved Erin Brockovich. Have you seen that movie? Not only does it portray a single mom with immodest fashion sense and questionable morality, but the F-bomb is dropped liberally throughout. Almost as much as Good Will Hunting. My friend wasn’t bothered. In that case, the story took over. She was so drawn into the plot that these inclusions, which typically assault her, went unnoticed.
Where is the line and how good does the story have to be to justify “impure” details? Raw details often lend greater authenticity, but how much is too much? How do you define the line?
6 comments August 5, 2009
Making Work at Home Work
I’ve shared my struggles to balance work and family, specifically parenting, with you in several posts. I know many of you struggle with the same. Whether it be a direct sales business, supporting a husband’s business, writing or freelance design, if you’re a mom at home, finding that sweet spot where everything seems to click (without guilt or missed deadlines!) can be a challenge, to say the least. And if you do find that sweet spot, maintaining it and your sanity can be a whole new trial.
I am so happy to tell you about a new book. Mary Byers, author of The Mother Load: How to Meet Your Own Needs While Caring for Your Family and How to Say No . . . And Live to Tell about It, juggles both a freelance corporate writing and speaking business with her responsibilities as a wife and mother of two school-aged children. She does it successfully and has just released a new book sharing how she does it.
Making Work at Home Work is not a “how to start a home-based business” book. You can find a ton of those already. No, this is a much needed follow-up for those who have already started their businesses and need some direction in how to keep it going. As the title says, it helps those seeking to successfully grow a business and a family under one roof. It’s not about starting, but about maintaining. It’s not just about your business either. That is included, of course, but it’s also about your family: your husband, your children and yourself. It’s about having all of that and your sanity, too.
Here are some of the discussions within the book that I found most helpful.
- Understanding the difference between a SAHM and a WAHM is more than one letter
- Determining why you’re working and how much is enough
- The Parental Pact *A vital chapter!*
- Setting limits, boundaries, goals and regular work hours
- Creative child care options and determining when and if you need them
- How to distinguish and handle both kinds of guilt: good guilt and that comes from the Enemy
- What, when and how can you subcontract in order to raise revenue
The book also contains chapters on taxes, retirement, supper swaps, vacations, faith and sanity. Readers enjoy profiles of real moms running real businesses and how they do it. It’s a fantastic book, one I wish I’d had years ago with my first work-at-home ventures. You can purchase the book HERE (a wonderful gift for working moms, friends and sisters!) or you can enter to win a FREE copy on Mary’s site.
Mary’s Contest:
Win a copy of Making Work at Home Work (or another one of Mary’s books–your choice) AND a $25 Amazon gift certificate (for some WAHM essentials – Day Planner, bubble bath, funky file-folders, toddler DVDs)!
There are three ways to win:
- Leave a comment on Mary’s post. CLICK HERE to do that.
- Sign up for Mary’s quarterly newsletter where she offer tips and advice about all facets of a women’s life: WAHM, mothering, women’s issues. More info here!
- Join the Work at Home Blog Ring. More info here.
Good luck! And if you don’t win, be sure to order a copy of this book anyway.
I only saw one downside, and it’s minimal. The beginning chapters seemed redundant, not to other sources, but to themselves. Speakers tend to reiterate their point frequently throughout their speeches. Writers don’t need to do that because readers can simply turn back a page or a chapter and re-read what they missed. At conferences or lectures, though, listeners can’t turn back time. They need to hear the point over and over to get it. The beginning couple chapters were like that. The author repeated herself frequently to make sure we got the point. By the fourth chapter (forty pages in) this stopped.
Even with this one stylistic irritation, I HIGHLY recommend this book! It is filled with valuable information and insights founded on experience. I feel relieved just knowing I have this resource to guide me, a faith-based success story and “you can do it to” encouragement.
Don’t forget to visit the author’s site to enter the contest!
1 comment May 7, 2009
Blog Tour: Sticks and Stones
Bestselling author of over sixty books, Ace Collins, has just released his newest title: Sticks and Stones.
Drawing on personal experience and anecdotes collected throughout his long writing career, the author presents a compilation of wisdom on the power of words. While certainly inspirational for writers and speakers, this book is truly geared toward unprofessional speakers. In other words: YOU. The book is meant for everyone, regardless of profession, position or prosperity. We all use words — with our families, our friends, our coworkers, our neighbors. The stories and action steps provided encourage everyone to use “words as a positive force.” The book challenges readers to be intentional and uplifting in communication, to take advantage of every opportunity to edify those around us.
Here’s what the author had to say in a recent interview.
What are the major themes of the book?
I once heard that folks use about 30,000 words a day in either written or oral form. It dawned on me that most of those words have either no impact or make a negative impact. In a world filled with people using words to cut others down, I opted to create a book that encouraged what I feel everyone should do — which is use our language to lift people up.
Why do you think we need to be intentional with our words?
If you don’t think about what you say, more often than not your words will either hurt others or will be quickly forgotten. Either one of those things represents a lost opportunity to make this world a better place. And we need more people involved in bringing light to this dark planet. I think that is what God would want us to do!
What do you hope readers will take away from your book?
I pray that they realize they do change the world with their words and actions.
What has God been teaching you lately?
Patience. The timing of all things is His not mine. Hence I have to wait on having dreams realized. I don’t mind telling you that when you are excited about ideas and want to see them in print now, it is hard to wait.
Where are you headed next?
Wherever the road leads. I’m having a blast right now. I have four books coming out this year, at least two more next year. I have a new novel series. After more than fifty books, I can’t believe how much fun I am having. It is just as much of a joy today as it was when I started. Oh, and I would like to find a 1932 Auburn convertible hidden away in a barn and bring it back to life.
Buy the book now at Amazon.com for 32% off the cover price — just $11.55!
Visit the author’s website at www.AceCollins.com.
Learn more by visiting other stops on the blog tour. Find reviews of the book, personal interviews with the author and more. Click here for a full list of participating bloggers.
1 comment April 2, 2009
Wanna join my team?
Once again I woke up early to write, but promptly allowed myself to get distracted by other things. Stupid thing. Time-wasting things. I don’t have time to waste! In precisely four minutes little feet will sound their pitter-patter down the steps and this fantasy of being a writer will fade like the morning fog. My real life will take over. I won’t be Tanya Dennis, respected author and theological thinker. Nope. I’ll be Mama, slave to children, laundry and home.
So, what did I accomplish this morning? Let’s see … I went to the bathroom. I wrote and rewrote one sentence of a query several times. I checked my email, both accounts. I changed my facebook status and got sucked into that abyss of the cyberworld. Now, thirty-seven precious minutes later, I can hardly remember the brilliance of this query? What was it about? What were those perfect sentence I drafted while lying awake in bed? Those pearls strung beautifully in line are now scattered across the floor of my mind.
Remind me: why do I keep the internet on my computer?
Better yet: why am I so utterly undisciplined? So easily distracted?
I’m revisiting a book I started last year: Time to Write. Humor me while I tell you a snowball story.
Within the past three months I’ve been struck (hard) by the rate at which children grow. I’m always known and often repeated the mantra of “the days are long, but the years are short.” I’ve worked diligently to never wish away my days. I’ve been very intentional about relishing every moment I have with my children, yet somehow I feel like I’m not witnessing enough. I’m not involved enough. I’m not teaching enough. I’m not experiencing this moment of my life (yes, five years is just a moment) with them to its full extent. This revelation has been painfully tangible to me recently as I watched my daughter turn five, as I realized in just seven short months both our kids will be in school, and my life will be vastly different than it is now.
Upon this realization, I decided to put my writing on hold. Other than my blog I haven’t done anything. I haven’t offered any submissions. I haven’t written any query letters, chapters, outlines or ideas. I haven’t even done any editing! Nothing. This sounds like a wonderful, sacrificial commitment. I’m putting my kids and my family first – right? Right. Except that it’s not working. None of my projects or project ideas have agreed to stay on the shelf. They bombard me with better sentence structure, a clearer illustrative story, a more attention-grabbing first line or a marketing idea.
When I first started writing, I met several authors who claimed “writing is like breathing; you just can’t stop.” Since I reluctantly (kicking and screaming) followed this call, I didn’t understand what they meant. Being a former artist, I understood the use-it-or-lose-it truth, but not the compulsive addiction part. Now I get it. I’m trying to stop! I’m trying to sacrifice all for my family, but I’m finding that sacrificing all simply creates a zombie. I’m going through the motions with my mind a thousand miles (or a thousand words) away.
So. I desperately want to focus on my family and I don’t want to be a zombie, so I think I need to schedule some regular writing time in order to get it out of my system so I can be mentally present during what should be quality time. (How’s that for a run-on sentence?) Enter Time to Write. It (at least the parts I’ve read)suggests just this: scheduling writing time into your life instead of waiting for your life to just give you uninterrupted, limitless reign with just you and your laptop. But, again, what good is scheduled time if I spend it all skipping through facebook or other flower-filled meadows of the internet?
I need discipline and, after 32 years of living with me, I know I can’t do it alone. I don’t want to call this a thorn in my side, but it is definitely a life-long struggle. I want to be disciplined and organized, but it just does not come naturally to me. I want to be efficient and productive with my time, but my easy-going, hippy-loving brain would rather just do what I feel the moment needs to be fulfilled. I want the respect of an adult, but I don’t want to grow up to get it. I’m still waiting for my life to begin. But I’m tired of waiting. I’m tired of floating. I want to be intentional, purposeful, focused … but without losing my spontaneity or appreciation for moments that can’t be recaptured.
What is the point of this post? Pray for me. This season for me is one of physical rest but internal struggle. We don’t have a ton of activity going on in our lives, but I’m fighting mental battles, spiritual struggles, past demons I thought were buried. I would love to have some prayer warriors on my side.
If you’re willing, please comment or email me with your commitment to pray regularly — once a week, once a month, once a day, whatever! I’ll take it! Pray for my family for spiritual growth, for protection, for vision and direction. Pray for my writing that I would be disciplined and wise with my time and that God would use me to accomplish His will. I have no idea where this will lead. Maybe he has books in my future or maybe just articles. Maybe just this blog or local studies. I don’t know, but I don’t want to miss the boat. He is working and I want to be ready when He needs me. I want to be where He is doing what He wants me to do. So what do you think? Can you join a prayer team?
7 comments March 15, 2009
The House That Grandpa Built
A bar-b-que grill for more than one.
The slate patio looks like fun!
5 comments February 5, 2009
A Retraction (of sorts)
A number of people emailed and commented about my post of inauguration thoughts. I’d like to respond. Hopefully this can prevent any further distortions or faulty conclusions based on what I wrote.
I’ll not take back what I said because, as I stated in the first paragraph of Tuesday’s post, those were uncensored thoughts, an honest stream of consciousness. Politics are tricky, and everyone involved is passionate. That often leaves independents, like me, battling both sides.
I am not proclaiming blind support of President Obama. We differ on some very key issues which I will continue to follow and guard. Neither am I proclaiming blind support of President Bush. We also differed on some very key issues. While I am not at all happy with Obama’s position on abortion, I am glad to see someone new in the White House. I believe our nation needs change. I will not like all of the change, I’m sure. Already changes have been made that trouble me. But Obama is our President and, as I stated on Tuesday, that position is ordained by God and requires our respect (Romans 13:1).
One clarification I do need to make. I wrote: “I understand [Obama] writes his own speeches.” First, I did not say my understanding was absolute truth, only that this was what I understood to be true. Secondly, I have since researched this further (at the encouragement of you, dear readers) and found that Obama does indeed write many of his own speeches, just not all of them and not all alone. He wrote his first book, Dreams From My Father, entirely on his own. Since becoming a more public figure with greater responsibilities, he has employed a team of writers who helped him write his second book and a number of his speeches since. The White House gives credit for the Inauguration Speech to President Obama, though I’m sure this is mostly because he delivered it.
Here are some links to interesting articles about this topic. The first two talk about Obama and other presidents who were also writers. The second two dive into the relationship between Obama and his chief speech writer, Jon Favreau. All four articles are quite fascinating.
- How Obama Writes His Speeches, Time Magazine, 28 Aug 08
- All the Presidents’ Literature, The Wall Street Journal, 10 Jan 2009
- Obama inauguration: Words of history … crafted by 27-year-old in Starbucks, The Guardian, 20 Jan 2009
- What Would Obama Say?, New York Times, 20 Jan 2008
1 comment January 24, 2009
Being Disciplined: Part 2
Two Saturdays past I attended an event for local Stampin’ Up! demonstrators. I’ve been selling their products and teaching stamping and scrapbooking classes for seven years. It started out as a hobby and then became a business and now it’s back to being little more than a hobby. But recently a friend decided to start her own SU! business by becoming a demonstrator too. I attended this “Spring Fling” to support her and help her get off to a good start.
The day was a blast. We made some great projects and, of course, heard some very inspiring words by career demonstrators. They talked about the most productive ways to maintain a consistently successful business. Because I no longer plan to take over the world as Creative Stampin’ Queen, much of it went in one ear and out the other with a generous “if only” roll of the eyes. But some of it I found very applicable to writing. Or actually any career that has you working at home.
Leave home to work. This doesn’t mean get a different job or rent an office. Simply find a way to differentiate between home time and work time.
The problem with working at home is that we’re surrounded by all of our at-home chores. It’s difficult to turn off the “gotta do” pager when you pass a stack of dirty dishes while grabbing a glass of water or an overflowing hamper on your way to the bathroom. If I went away to work, I wouldn’t be able to do the dishes or throw in some laundry, but because I’m home all day, I feel like I have to. The result? All my work (read: writing, editing, market research, etc.) gets put off. The speaker on Saturday encouraged us to make sure we’re treating our work like a real job (duh!) by leaving home to do it (ah-ha!) Maybe that means literally leaving the house; going for coffee before returning home to start work. Or maybe you can just flip a mental switch. Maybe a timer would be helpful. Whatever it takes. But make sure you’re not using your work time for household chores.
Stop multi-tasking. I’ve decided multi-tasking is a fancy way to procrastinate without feeling guilty about it. One of the speakers asserted that doing one thing at a time ensures you’ll finish it quicker with better results than if you divide your efforts among several tasks. She’s right. This is why lists work for me. I see what needs to be done and cross them off one at a time. Without my list, I meander from room to room doing a little of this and a little of that consistently forgetting why I entered the room in the first place. I used to be labeled ADD; now it’s called Momnesia.
Great tips – right? Only I can’t do it.
My work IS my home. I’m a stay-at-home mom! My kids and the home where they live, they are my work, and I can’t leave them. I’ve tried. They follow. (The kids, not the house.) So, I set up designated work times when they’ll leave me alone, but that doesn’t work either. Take today for example. Rest time is not optional. It happens every day at one o’clock. For at least one hour, I have quiet to work. In theory, anyway. But today Zach didn’t want to play in his room and he didn’t want to take a nap. Instead he chose to stand just inside his door and scream for an entire hour. Did I mention my workspace is about ten feet from his door? After several visits to calm hm down and remind him who is in charge, he finally quit screaming (I think he passed out from the exertion.) at 2:08. That’s when Ellie came down the stairs thrilled that rest time was over. I popped in a video for her, hoping it would keep her occupied for a while. Instead of being content with Cinderella, she begged me to sit with her (cue the mom guilt) and has been talking to me nonstop since.
As for multi-tasking, well, that’s my life too. I need to be able to fill juice cups, make dinner, clean the kitchen and listen to one kid singing while praising another’s latest drawing for Grandma. Sure, a list keeps me directed, but actually being able to focus on one thing at a time? Well, that would only be possible if I woke up hours before the rest of my family. I’ve tried working after the kids go to bed, but by then I’m exhausted and my brain barely functions.
And so, as my friend Dale would say, it’s another day of Tanya’s whining and complaining. *grin* I’m not complaining! Or at least I dont mean to be. Just sharing thoughts. Maybe I’m too ambitious, my goals too lofty. Perhaps my expectations for this time in my life are completely unrealistic. Or maybe I’ve just done enough already today. But I did want to share these tips with you! If they don’t work for me now, maybe they’ll work for you. And I can get them back later.
4 comments May 19, 2008
I did it!
Anyone ever read A Hat for Ivan? It’s a children’s book by Max Lucado. It describes a village in which all the citizens wear hats. On their 12th birthday, they each receive their own customized hat, made just for them by the hatmaker. These hats tell them what they should do and what they should become. They draw attention to their strengths, their gifts and their greatest joys. The story tells of the hatmaker’s son, Ivan, who is about to turn 12. As he walks through town, several people give Ivan hats just like theirs. They presume to know what he should do. The baker wants him to be a baker; the music teacher thinks he would be better suited as a musician; the fireman has his own ideas, as well. None of the hats fit very well and they all weighed him down. Ivan was left in a heap trying to please everyone and never truly reaching his potential.
I’ve been an Ivan. Blame it on my middle-child syndrome. Or maybe I’ve just been convinced it’s the “right” thing to do. Regardless, I’ve been moping around for three weeks trying to convince myself to wear hats that don’t fit. I’ve been weighed down by what others think I should be doing. I’ve been crumped into a pile by the expectations placed upon me — none of which fulfill my purpose. I’ve listened to the wrong voices.
After posting this week and receiving all your words of encouragement, I did it. I made the calls I needed to make to get out from under the wrong hats. And you know what? Just like Ivan, I feel so much lighter! I feel happier and, best of all, I can now wear the hat made just for me. I’ve regained my desire to write. I’ve actually spent several hours today working on my book; a project that nearly fizzled has been revived. I’m so grateful!
So, THANK YOU for your prayers and encouragement. Thank you for your sound wisdom. And thank you for your patience with my compaining and dim-wittedness, two traits that seem to prevail often. *grin* I praise God He doesn’t give up on us, even when we’re not listening. I thank Him for His clear direction and quiet strength that allow us to heed His still, small voice.
1 comment March 29, 2008
