Category Archives: trials
Think on this.
Ellie rushed into my arms sobbing. As I stroked her back and wiped the tears from her flushed cheeks, she confessed the problem: “Zachary called me a BOY!!”
“Honey, are you a boy?”
“No.”
“Then don’t worry about it.”
She gets her sensitivity from me. It sounds silly for her to be so upset over a little thing like being called a boy, but it was serious to her. It hurts when people say things that aren’t true. Over the past month I’ve lost seven pounds thanks to the stress and criticism diet. And that’s without even touching my new Pilates chair! I’ve been dealing with someone whom I believed to be a friend, but who has chosen to speak and believe lies about me. And these opinions have been shared with others without offering me a single opportunity to respectfully disagree. It’s extremely hurtful.
But just like Ellie, I’ve been focusing on the wrong things. Rather than trying to defend myself or logically argue my side, I need to focus on the truth. I know what has been said about me is not true. I know the source of these lies does not know me well enough to make such harsh judgements. Furthermore, I know Who my true judge is! I need to focus on the truth — not just the opposite of what is being said, but also the truth of Whom I serve. I don’t need people to like me or even be nice to me. I need only to seek God in all things and strive to serve Him perfectly. It is only His opinion of me that matters.
I told Ellie: “You know you’re not a boy. I know you’re not a boy. Even Zach knows you’re not a boy. Think about what is true and don’t worry about the rest.”
And so I tell myself: “You know you love God. You know you’re doing your very best to serve Him. You know He loves you unconditionally. Think about what is true and don’t worry about the rest.”
The truth sets us free from the burden to please others, the guilt of falling short, the anger and bitterness caused by injustice, the hurt caused by those who harm us. The truth sets us free from sin and all that results from it.
Are you focusing on truth today? What has been distracting you from the freedom He offers?
More prayers
“Do return, O Lord; how long will it be? And be sorry for They servants. O satisfy us in the morning with They lovingkindness, that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days. Make us glad according to the days Thou hast afflicted us, and the years we have seen trouble. Let Thy work appear to Thy servants, and Thy majesty to their children. And let the favor of the Lord our God be upon us; and do confirm for us the work of our hands; Yes, confirm the work of our hands.” — Psalm 90:13-17 (NAS)
This past week has overwhelmed me. Not on my own behalf, but on account of friends who are struggling, who are in the midst of trials, the depths of which I can only imagine. A single mother whose home and all its contents were destroyed in a fire. A couple whose last fight against infertility failed. A husband returns from Iraq a different man to his wife and children. Marriage difficulties. Sudden death. Jobs lost without warning. Discouragement. Betrayal. Lonliness.
I am blessed! I sit in a warm house with two beautiful children and a husband who loves me. I am in need of nothing. The kids are currently sick, some nasty cold, but other than that we have no troubles. We are indeed blessed! One of those blessings is the priviledge of praying for our friends and loved ones.
All things come to pass. This time is one of comfort and serenity for us, but for those around us, a time of trial. My heart aches for them. I listen and ponder and pray. I weep and mourn with them, knowing it is a gift to carry these burdens together. A part of me feels guilty that I have it so good and they have it so rough. But this too shall pass. When it is my turn to walk through the valley, they may be on mountaintops offering ropes of encouragement and support. In the meantime, I cry out to God: “How long?” I beg Him to show us His favor, to confirm the work He has prepared for us. May He make clear the steps to be taken. Show us what to do! Then give permanence to the fruit of our obedience.
Photo by Datron Vulin.
2am mind-fields
Hearing God through the static
I feel like I’ll never catch up. There is so much I want to read and learn and study. So much I want to do and teach and experience. My breath gets short forcing the familiar verse to echo in the back of my head: “Be still and know that I am God,” (Psalm 46:10).
Last week I read an article about Moses and three writers. The author told the four stories parallel with a single connection: hearing the voice of God. He asserted that Moses heard God’s voice in the burning bush because he quieted his location and himself enough to hear God. The author went on to describe these three writers who also found enough quiet to hear God: one in the woods behind his house, one in her living room before the rest of the family awoke and one in her office, sitting before her computer.
It’s still my choice.
“Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” — Galations 6:9 (NIV)
It’s not my fault.
A big truck rested next to me. Zachary was running toward it, but misjudged the distance. He did a sort of belly-flop onto the couch, hitting his head on the truck. As he cried, I swooped him up in motherly love and comfort. My son responded by poking me in the eye. On purpose.
Is blame-shifting hereditary or is it just human nature? I know our family has issues with it. If we’re lost, it’s not the driver’s fault. The passenger is to blame for not looking at the map. If I stub my toe, it’s Rick’s fault for not putting his shoes away. If Zach hits his head, whoever is closest to the offending truck must have caused the pain. I got poked in the eye for sitting in the wrong spot. I didn’t put the truck there and I didn’t cause Zach to hit his head, but I still felt the pain. Literally.
Small victories lead to great joy!
For months I have been struggling with two issues: re-learning how to cook and dealing with developmental delays. Both relate directly to our son. Without intention my struggles have found me secretly blaming him (sometimes not so secretly), when it is not his fault! Isabel was soooooooo easy compared to Zach. He has had skin problems, sleeping problems, back-to-back ear infections, food allergies, bronchitis … Parents never want to compare their kids, but sometimes it just happens. But sometimes little victories come and then the joy that results can saturate a soul. This week we had two major victories in both areas of struggle.
Zach is highly allergic to all components of whole milk (this includes all dairy and a ton of other stuff that uses parts of dairy products), eggs and peanuts. Food allergies are noted on a numeric scale. Anything over three is considered “severe”. Zach’s levels are closer to fourteen. The problem is I LOVE dairy!! I love eggs!! Finding food that have neither has been a true challenge for me. It wasn’t such a big deal when he was younger; I just made different food for him than the rest of us. But now he notices and is quite bothered when he doesn’t eat the same as the rest of us. Thus my struggle of re-learning how to cook. This week’s victories? I found Zach-friendly ice cream cones (he can’t eat ice cream, but there are soy alternatives and some sorbets are okay) AND a Zach-friendly recipe for chicken pot pie!! YEAH!! I’m so excited. Praise God for learning curves. I didn’t have to figure this all out in one day — He has eased me into over the past 18 months and counting.
And my other victory for this week really is not mine at all. I’m just a witness, but a very happy one! Zach is walking!!! I cannot tell you how exciting this is. As of today, he is twenty-one months. He officially took his first happy steps last week. Now he’s walking just about everywhere. Not terribly fast, but he gets the job done. I’m thrilled! Over the past six months we have been through state evaluations, neurologist appointments, multiple developmental planning meetings and finally a ton of physical therapy — most of which Zach endured with an ear-piercing scream. This morning his therapist emerged from their session with a huge smile on her face. “He tried stairs!” She even said we can cut back the frequency of our sessions. He has to master stairs before we’re “allowed” to stop therapy all-together. The goal is to have him there before he turns two in August. The end is in sight and my heart is overflowing.
The Peace of God
It has been a week. I’ll spare you all the details if you promise to understand it’s been a trial. I have broken down in tears at least once a day. On Monday, it wasn’t just me crying – Zach and Ellie joined me in a harmony of screams and sobs in the church parking lot after a very chaotic morning. Tuesday found me crying in bed at 2am. Wednesday … well, Wednesday started to turn my week around. I won a gift certificate to Starbucks!
The ice-breaker at MOPS was a points game. We each got one point for having dirty dishes in our sinks; another point for having clothes in the dryer; a point for each diaper we changed that morning … you get the idea. A friend and I won for having been up during the night. We each boasted six times between midnight and sunrise. I was thrilled with the prize! (I’m actually enjoying my caramel macchiato as I type. It’s wonderful.) To add to my pleasure, Zach slept ten hours that night.
Then came Thursday. I turned on my laptop as usual, but nothing worked. I couldn’t access my email or any of my documents. I store everything on my laptop. My books-in-progress, my proposals, my articles, my records of submissions … everything. And it was all gone.
I took a deep breath and restarted my computer. Still nothing. I did this four times before accepting the fact that something was wrong. I shut down the computer one more time then went into the kitchen to do the dishes.
As I stood there, with sudsy hands, I prayed. “Lord, whatever You will is fine with me.” I thought of all the work I have put into those projects, the lack of duplicate copies, the short time remaining before my conference; yet, for some reason, I didn’t cry. Normally, I would have been hysterical. Six months worth of work lost and only six weeks to recreate it. As I prayed silently, this amazing peace filled me. ‘If it’s lost, it’s lost. I can’t do anything about it, so … no worries. If it’s gone, God has something else He wants me to write. He’ll help me write it better. It’s all good.’ My own thoughts shocked me. I was freaking out more about my lack of freaking out than I was about the bum computer.
I let it go knowing God was in complete control. The kids and I went about the morning. My mother-in-law arrived. (She had come to watch the kids while I used the day to write uninterrupted.) We visited for a while. My husband offered to come home from work to try fixing it. Even then, I wasn’t stressed. I wasn’t worried. I felt bizarrely calm. Just after talking with Rick, I tried the laptop one more time, just to be sure. It all came back. I don’t know how or why. I just know it’s there. Every bit of it.
Maybe God was testing my priorities. Maybe He wanted to be sure I trusted Him fully in every circumstance. I can’t say that always do! But in this instance, I knew He was in control.That knowledge allowed me to trust Him fully. That trust provided me the most amazing peace, peace beyond comprehension. I can’t explain it. All I know is this morning I had nothing, but I didn’t cry. And now I’m sitting with a cup of heaven and a working laptop.
Finding Rest
God promises us rest. He calls the weak and weary to come to Him. He tells us His burden is light and His yoke is easy; if we trust in Him, our burdens will be lifted and we will have rest. How great is that?
Unfortunately, I know the Scripture but my body doesn’t believe it. I’m exhausted! It has been two years since I have slept consistently. I’m tired of dealing with screaming kids and messes and laundry. I’m tired of giving to everyone and running everywhere and never getting a day off. Where is this rest? The blessing of children has forever changed my life (not to mention my body) and zapped whatever relaxation that may have previously existed. I know God gives us rest, but I sure don’t feel it.
How about you? Do you feel rested?
We know God never lies; His Word is fully true. So, how do we find His rest? We have a million and one things to do every day. People depend on us, but we can’t provide what they need if our own needs are not being met. And we need the rest God offers. How do we get it? We make room for it.
The problem starts with expectations. We believe people expect us to be the best at everything. We’ve got to have the best job, maintain the cleanest, most comfortable home, have the happiest spouse and the best-behaved children. We need to be involved in our church and our community and our kids’ schools. We’ve got to keep up with friends and family members, always being thoughtful and encouraging. And don’t forget the finances. It’s our job to be thrifty and wise with the money, getting the best deals on everything.
Guess what – none of this is what God expects from us. God expects us to love Him with all our hearts, souls, and minds. That’s it. Nothing more; nothing less. We don’t have to DO anything. We just have to be madly and deeply in love with Him.
The reason we don’t find rest in Him is because we are too busy living up to other expectations. We over-commit ourselves. We fill our lives with things that we don’t need – all the while sacrificing what we do need: rest in God.
We have to make time for it. Perhaps this means giving up a ministry that has you too stressed. Or spending more money on groceries so you can enjoy time reading God’s Word instead of cutting coupons. Maybe it means letting the laundry sit so you can curl up with a movie or a great book while the kids nap. I’m not suggesting we slack off on our responsibilities – only that we get our priorities straight. God must come first, so we need to make time for Him. Whatever will help you — a devotional, a babysitter, a change in thinking — whatever it is, find it. Go out of your way to make room for God’s rest. You won’t believe how good it feels.
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” — Matthew 11:28-30
You can stand because of Him.
“No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, He will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.” – 1 Corinthians 10:13
Over time this verse has been commonly paraphrased as “God will never give you anything you can’t handle.” I’ve heard it repeated thousands of times. I’ve even repeated it to others. This past week that very paraphrase became my mantra.
It was Wednesday. I had a writing deadline approaching and a to-do list longer than usual, but all was put on hold when the kids awoke. They were cranky. Zach was running a fever and Isabel was congested; both requiring extra cuddles and undivided attention. On top of this, Zach’s eczema had flared up overnight leaving an open and infected right hand. Rick was also under the weather. He decided to take half a sick day and work from home. My mantra was well rehearsed and quietly whispered in the back of my mind. “God will never give you anything you can’t handle.”
I settled the kids in front of a movie with blankets and pacis and all things comfortable, then started a load of laundry. I was waiting for 9am to call the allergist about Zach’s hand. Before that time came, the washer overflowed flooding the basement, Isabel had diarrhea (unfortunately, not in the potty), and Zach vomited all over Rick and my freshly cleaned bathroom. A little louder: “God will never give you anything you can’t handle.”
The allergist was free in the afternoon; we made a 1pm appointment. After cleaning both the kids and the bathroom (again) and attempting to mop the basement mess, I put Zach down for an early nap. Somehow I managed to get a shower and some lunch before heading off to the doctor’s office. There we discovered Zach had a double ear infection. At this point I started repeating it aloud: “God will never give you anything you can’t handle!”
As the words rolled off my tongue and into my ears I heard what a silly statement it is. First of all, the verses refer specifically to temptation, not trials, so the paraphrase is inaccurate. Secondly, to say God will not give me anything I can’t handle assumes I have strength of my own. I do not. I can’t do anything without God’s help. It is only because of Him that I am breathing at this moment; only because of Him I can wake each morning.
If we change it just a bit – God will never give you anything you can’t handle WITH HIM – well, that’s better, but not very encouraging. When you realize there is nothing God cannot handle, then you’re faced with this reality: Hell can land face-up on your front step and there is nothing you can do about it.
The good news? God can do everything about it. By trusting in Him, there is nothing through which you cannot stand. Note I said “stand”. I don’t mean we cower on the floor waiting for the storm to pass. God will help us stand through whatever trials come our way. You may not enjoy it, but you’ll survive. You’ll survive with a renewed faith and deeper layer of sanctification. This is where we find our encouragement.
“Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” – Matthew 19:26
“Everything is possible for him who believes.” – Mark 9:23
All scripture taken from the NIV translation.
