Posts filed under 'time'
Martha might be on to something.
Today is Day One: the first official day of summer vacation. I am filled with an anxious excitement and a little fear. I’ve gotten so used to our school schedule, which allows me ample one-on-one time with each kid, that now I feel a little lost knowing I’ll have them both all the time for next ten weeks. It’ll be fantastic, I’m sure. But today the task feels daunting.
Carpoolqueen recently wrote about Martha Stewart. The post was cute, but the comments were hysterical. I think all American women harbor a love/hate relationship with Martha. She makes things look so simple that really aren’t. We want to be “perfect” like her, but when we try we realize how utterly ridiculous she is and how impractical her priorities may be. Please note: I’m not dissing the woman. She’s immortal, or at least an alien, and if that works for her, great. But in the real world real human women have real problems. Problems bigger than trying to crease perfect ninety degree angles into our sheets.
I digress.
After reading CPQ‘s blog (and all the corresponding comments about what Martha activity sent real women over the top, thus forcing said real woman to stop watching/reading her), I went about my typical non-Martha day. Until I got to the grocery store. There in front of me was the glossy July issue of Martha Stewart Living. I chuckled to myself, then noticed how the cover advertised a section on cooking lobster (a definitely summer weakness in the Dennis household). I had to buy it. Then I spent the afternoon leafing through its pages, reminding myself how utterly inadequate I am why I don’t buy into her enterprise and “you can do it all” philosophy.
At the front of the magazine she gives her calendar. It’s filled with her daily activities for the whole month: harvesting cucumbers, beans, potatoes and currants; making jams, jellies and pickles; dinner dates, yoga appointments and antique shows. She tells us when she’ll raise her lawn mower blade (you know, because she mows so much herself, she knows exactly when grass growth slows and the season gets drier) and when she’ll move her horses to the East Hampton estate or train the grape vines at “the cold house” (whatever that means). I laughed at seeing not one, but THREE housekeepers’ birthdays. (Seriously. How many housekeepers does she have? Do they all have birthdays in July or are there enough to fill the annual calendar?) And we can’t forget her pets’ birthdays which are oh-so-relevant to my life.
Yes, I was quite morose.
But this morning, as I looked over the horizon into the open expanse of my next ten weeks, I decided Martha might be on to something.
I keep calendars and schedules, but nothing quite this detailed. And never with “mundane” tasks allocated to specific dates. I kinda like the idea. I consistently reasurre Ellie that we’ll make it to story time at the library next time, but then never remember when it is. I want to take the kids to museums and new parks and such, but never actually make solid plans to do it. I have crafts and project ideas roaming the halls of my mind, waiting for the opportunity. But too often they stay there, jailed by my fear of elaborate messes and stressful preparations. I think I’ll make a summer calendar. I’m going to follow (Really? Can I say this?) Martha’s example and free those waiting ambitions, those family memories yet to be made.
Today is Day One.
6 comments June 15, 2009
Mama Loves: Great Quotes (if I can remember them)
I collect excellent quotes. Our pastor gave a great one on Sunday, but I can’t remember it exactly. What’s worse: I didn’t write the whole thing down and now can’t find it online. It went something like this:
“Interruptions are real life. What we believe is real life is often a figment of our imaginations.”
Somebody somewhere said something very similar to that. Since I can’t remember it exactly, let me quote Stuart McWilliam: “Life’s interruptions are life’s opportunities.”
This week I’ve tried to stop and intentionally establish a time of rest and prayer. (Thank you, Kellie, for the challenge!) It’s been much more of a challenge than I expected. Every time I try, I get interrupted. The phone rings. The washer overflows. Ellie needs a drink. Zach needs to go potty. Someone knocks on the door. The kids start arguing and need a referee. I need to go potty. The interruptions never stop. I want an hour, but can’t seem to find fifteen consecutive minutes! I make lofty plans. I have over a dozen posts started (including a mini-series on Bathsheba), articles to write, dreams of planting a garden, cleaning my house, painting the shutters, hosting a brunch, visiting with friends … but can’t find the time to finish a single endeavor. I am always interrupted.
This quote (or at least my remembered version of it) reminds me that my plans are not God’s plans. I may envision quiet afternoons with plenty of time for writing and meditating. More often than not God has very different afternoons planned for me. Ones that involve actively training my children, serving my neighbors and maintaining a suitable, wecloming home for my husband. This doesn’t mean my writing and meditation are unimportant. Just that they may need to wait. And these interruptions may be golden opportunities in disguise.
1 comment June 2, 2009
Prayer Siesta
Why is it so hard to pray?
There are so many things weighing heavily on my heart this week, things I know need prayer. Sick friends, unbelieving family members, marriages — upcoming ones, sustaining ones, breaking ones. (Is anyone else out there grief-stricken over Jon & Kate? I could barely stomach the season premiere this week.) Our nation needs prayer: our politicians, our diplomats, our soldiers, our culture. As the school year comes to a close I want to pray for our kids, our teachers, our summers. So many things! And yet I find it extremely difficult to pray longer than two consecutive sentences.
Maybe praying isn’t the difficult part. Maybe my trouble is the stopping part.
Photo courtesy dreamstime.com
I’ve written about the ineffectiveness of multi-tasking before. It makes us forgetful (because we’re trying to remember too many things at once), distracted (because we’re trying to do too much at once), and ugly in our people skills (because we’re more focused on productivity than relationships). I ascribe to all these things! I know they’re true. I preach them. Yet I have difficulty stopping.
I pray while in the shower, claiming it’s the only place I’m uninterrupted by family needs, but even then I interrupt myself with to-do lists, grocery lists and random thoughts about blogging. I try to blog, but get distracted by thoughts about writing, gardening and what I should wear to swim lessons later this morning. I try to play with my kids but bring my Kindle in case they get bored with me or I get bored with Duck, Duck, Goose and the repetitive swing-pushing. While making dinner, I clean the kitchen, run another load of laundry, catch up with friends on the phone and help the kids finish a puzzle. No wonder my meals are never perfect and my prayer life is dehydrated!
The other day Kellie posted a rest challenge. She calls it S.IESTA!: Stop. Intentionally Establishing Stillness Takes Action. Her purpose is to, over the summer, routinely rest for a set period of time each day, to stop whatever she and her kids are doing and take a break. Now, I don’t have trouble resting. I read all. the. time. I watch tv with my hunky spouse every night, and I play with the kids every afternoon. Rest comes easily to me. Prayer, however, requires a stop. I want to be more intentional with my prayer life. Yes, I pray regularly now, but how much better could it be if I were more purposeful? How much more of what God is doing could I witness if I scheduled time to just talk with Him each day? I don’t mean reading His Word. Anything that involves reading I do with a voracious appetite. But praying. Can I stop — really STOP — each day to pray?
What about you? What can you be more intentional about this summer?
5 comments May 28, 2009
A Big Bottle of Sunshine
After nine consecutive days of rain, Monday brought the sun back. Tuesday provided a taste of summer, a gorgeous day with no agenda. I think I’m still there. I skipped “Mama Loves” this week, but simply because I’ve been living it. Sleeping late and cuddling with bundles of giggles. Surrendering to a field of sweet-smelling grass; lying there with a book while the kids run and play with friends. Taking nature walks and attempting to skip rocks across the pond.
A song by Milkshake has been stuck on a loop inside my head. Yes, children’s music, but it’s fun and perfect for days like this.
“I’ve got a big bottle of sunshine.
Mix it up with a bowl full of daydreams.
Pour it into a suitcase full of laughter that I’ve found.
You won’t find me sitting around.
There’s only so much time in the day
And I don’t have a minute to waste.”
Sometimes the best way to spend the day is by “wasting” it in the sun with those you love.
2 comments May 14, 2009
WFMW: Life Balance (and a Giveaway!)
Some people think the dilemma of balancing family and work disappears when you work from home. It doesn’t. I work very parttime as a freelancer, but I still struggle. Here are some tips that help me do what I need to do and escape the chasing guilt that I’m not doing enough or not doing it well enough.
Stop multitasking.
I can’t do it all and, after years of trying, have learned that the more I try to do it all, the less I actually accomplish. Furthermore, what I do accomplish usually falls short of my best. It’s shoddy because I’ve done it with a divided heart and mind. My work — be that actual work (like writing or helping a client) or family work (like household chores or playing with the kids) — shines when I focus. My kids notice when I’m not “all there.” They know when my mind is a thousand miles away. My work notices too. I can’t write and play with the kids at the same time. Articles lose their cohesiveness and they take exponentially longer to write. It’s just not time-efficient. In a world that demands multi-tasking, how do I learn to single-task? (more…)
4 comments April 8, 2009
Wanna join my team?
Once again I woke up early to write, but promptly allowed myself to get distracted by other things. Stupid thing. Time-wasting things. I don’t have time to waste! In precisely four minutes little feet will sound their pitter-patter down the steps and this fantasy of being a writer will fade like the morning fog. My real life will take over. I won’t be Tanya Dennis, respected author and theological thinker. Nope. I’ll be Mama, slave to children, laundry and home.
So, what did I accomplish this morning? Let’s see … I went to the bathroom. I wrote and rewrote one sentence of a query several times. I checked my email, both accounts. I changed my facebook status and got sucked into that abyss of the cyberworld. Now, thirty-seven precious minutes later, I can hardly remember the brilliance of this query? What was it about? What were those perfect sentence I drafted while lying awake in bed? Those pearls strung beautifully in line are now scattered across the floor of my mind.
Remind me: why do I keep the internet on my computer?
Better yet: why am I so utterly undisciplined? So easily distracted?
I’m revisiting a book I started last year: Time to Write. Humor me while I tell you a snowball story.
Within the past three months I’ve been struck (hard) by the rate at which children grow. I’m always known and often repeated the mantra of “the days are long, but the years are short.” I’ve worked diligently to never wish away my days. I’ve been very intentional about relishing every moment I have with my children, yet somehow I feel like I’m not witnessing enough. I’m not involved enough. I’m not teaching enough. I’m not experiencing this moment of my life (yes, five years is just a moment) with them to its full extent. This revelation has been painfully tangible to me recently as I watched my daughter turn five, as I realized in just seven short months both our kids will be in school, and my life will be vastly different than it is now.
Upon this realization, I decided to put my writing on hold. Other than my blog I haven’t done anything. I haven’t offered any submissions. I haven’t written any query letters, chapters, outlines or ideas. I haven’t even done any editing! Nothing. This sounds like a wonderful, sacrificial commitment. I’m putting my kids and my family first – right? Right. Except that it’s not working. None of my projects or project ideas have agreed to stay on the shelf. They bombard me with better sentence structure, a clearer illustrative story, a more attention-grabbing first line or a marketing idea.
When I first started writing, I met several authors who claimed “writing is like breathing; you just can’t stop.” Since I reluctantly (kicking and screaming) followed this call, I didn’t understand what they meant. Being a former artist, I understood the use-it-or-lose-it truth, but not the compulsive addiction part. Now I get it. I’m trying to stop! I’m trying to sacrifice all for my family, but I’m finding that sacrificing all simply creates a zombie. I’m going through the motions with my mind a thousand miles (or a thousand words) away.
So. I desperately want to focus on my family and I don’t want to be a zombie, so I think I need to schedule some regular writing time in order to get it out of my system so I can be mentally present during what should be quality time. (How’s that for a run-on sentence?) Enter Time to Write. It (at least the parts I’ve read)suggests just this: scheduling writing time into your life instead of waiting for your life to just give you uninterrupted, limitless reign with just you and your laptop. But, again, what good is scheduled time if I spend it all skipping through facebook or other flower-filled meadows of the internet?
I need discipline and, after 32 years of living with me, I know I can’t do it alone. I don’t want to call this a thorn in my side, but it is definitely a life-long struggle. I want to be disciplined and organized, but it just does not come naturally to me. I want to be efficient and productive with my time, but my easy-going, hippy-loving brain would rather just do what I feel the moment needs to be fulfilled. I want the respect of an adult, but I don’t want to grow up to get it. I’m still waiting for my life to begin. But I’m tired of waiting. I’m tired of floating. I want to be intentional, purposeful, focused … but without losing my spontaneity or appreciation for moments that can’t be recaptured.
What is the point of this post? Pray for me. This season for me is one of physical rest but internal struggle. We don’t have a ton of activity going on in our lives, but I’m fighting mental battles, spiritual struggles, past demons I thought were buried. I would love to have some prayer warriors on my side.
If you’re willing, please comment or email me with your commitment to pray regularly — once a week, once a month, once a day, whatever! I’ll take it! Pray for my family for spiritual growth, for protection, for vision and direction. Pray for my writing that I would be disciplined and wise with my time and that God would use me to accomplish His will. I have no idea where this will lead. Maybe he has books in my future or maybe just articles. Maybe just this blog or local studies. I don’t know, but I don’t want to miss the boat. He is working and I want to be ready when He needs me. I want to be where He is doing what He wants me to do. So what do you think? Can you join a prayer team?
7 comments March 15, 2009
Very Wordy Wednesday
I considered putting this up as a Wordless Wednesday, since it is a photo, but since it’s a photo of a bunch of words, I don’t think it counts.
A cousin emailed this to me today. I had to smile. I’ve often berated myself over this very question. Before having kids I seemed so much more productive! Now I struggle to say what I’ve done all day even when I know my tail hasn’t hit the couch once. What do moms do all day?
I joke with my single friends that if it weren’t for facebook, we would never know what was going on in each other’s lives. It’s not that moms don’t want to maintain these relationship! WE DO! It’s just difficult. One thing I will add to this article. It’s much easier to manage time well when you get consistent rest. I’ve said it before and I’m saying it again: moms don’t sleep. I’ve had maybe a month’s worth of real, quality rest in the past five years.
So, cut us some slack, meet us halfway or, at the very least, remember it takes us three times as long to accomplish everything. Remember, too, that we’re not complaining! Well, not all the time. We know this is a choice and (most days) it’s one we would never, ever change. But life is different with kids and we’re trying our best.
3 comments January 28, 2009
It’s a blueberry pancake day.
They say breakfast is the most important meal of the day. I never understood that.
For years people have been forcing me to eat when I wake up. In the absence of others (my mom, mother-in-law or sister) who would make me breakfast, the omenous, but never identified “they” still guilted me into grabbing something before leaving the house. If I’m not hungry, why do I need to eat? If I already have energy, what’s the point of stuffing more in my mouth?
This morning I woke early planning to post about how important eye glasses are. (Last night before bed I almost smeared Butt Paste all over my dry, cracked hands. It and my hand cream come in containers of identical size and shape, and both were resting on the same shelf in the bathroom.) I planned a loquacious recounting with pictures, but my camera is broken and, after spending 15 minutes trying to get my camera phone to work, I gave up.
Blog post abandoned, I now had plenty of time to make a nice big breakfast for my family. Blueberry pancakes reign as the favorite.
I think “they” are right! I won’t talk about the nutritional or health benefits of breakfast. I’m sure someone out there will be happy to fill me in regardless of my apathy. But this is what I noticed: my whole day forms differently when we have blueberry pancakes. We sit together as a family. We take time to enjoy one another’s company before starting the day’s activities. We make sure we’re rested and ready before we become active. The benefits continue throughout the day. The kids play nicely together. They’re not as clingy or whiney as on other days. They don’t ask for TV as much. And me? I’m more productive. Everything just seems better.
Now all this certainly does not hinge on blueberry pancakes. If only it were that easy! Rather, it’s about finding center, remembering why I’m here and what I’ve been called to do. If I start my morning by being still, even for just a twenty minutes or so, I can evaluate the situation and prepare for the day.
Some mornings I jump on my computer and, before I know it and before I’ve showered, my interests have sprawled in fifty-six different directions, the kids are fighting over what to watch on TV, the house is a mess, I’m frustrated and irritable. On my deliberate days, my blueberry pancake days, time moves slowly. I get showered before the kids wake up. I have quiet time to reflect. I get the breakfast dishes done before 6pm. (I know, shock and awe.) On my deliberate days, I keep my priorities straight: God first, family second, personal ambition third.
I really like those days.
7 comments January 8, 2009
Serving whom?
I’m reading a book a second time. Well, kind of. I got halfway through this book over a year ago, but realized when I tried to pick it up, I’d forgotten most of what I’d read way back then. So I’m starting over and glad to be doing so.
Last week I posted about mom guilt and the impossible task of keeping up with this house. I can work day and night to clean it, but the job is never done. It’s not that we’re vermin who habitually leave trails of filth and disorder; it’s just that we are living, breathing human beings. Oh, and half the household is under five and lacks the desire to put things away or tell an adult when jelly toast gets mashed into the carpet. Isn’t there some law of science that says all things naturally go from order to disorder?
But it’s also about perspective. The more I clean, the more I find that needs to be cleaned. When toys and books are strewn everywhere, I don’t notice how much dust has collected on the windowsills or hardwood floors. I mop and dust only to find clean floors make the slipcovers look dirty. I wash and iron the slipcovers, thinking I’m finally done, then discover a spot on the curtains, dust on the blinds and a suspicious sticky something three feet high on all the doorframes. Everything I clean shines a light on something that could be cleaner. It’s exhausting.
Back to the book. One of the beginning chapters talks about two types of housekeepers. The first needs everything to be spotless. Her house is immaculate, always ready for entertaining. She works hard to keep it that way and takes great pride in showing and sharing her home with others. Then there’s her neighbor who is so overwhelmed by keeping her home neat that she just can’t get it together. She tries really hard, but simply accepts that her house will be a perpetual mess as long as she lives there. According to the author, Cheryl Carter, these two ladies have one thing in common: they are both serving their homes rather than allowing their homes to serve them.
At the risk of sounding like a Brady, I never thought about it like that.
When I clean my house, I think I’m serving my guests, my husband, my family. And yes, I am doing that, but when the need for perfection in every corner consumes my time and energies, I’m not serving anyone but this dwelling. How many times have I made this clear to my children? “I can’t play until the laundry is done.” “We can’t have friends over until the house is clean.” “Do you see these dishes? I promise I’ll read to you after these are cleaned and put away.” I’ve become a slave to my house.
Don’t get me wrong. There are times when these chores need to be a priority. I just wonder if, perhaps, my intense battle over home management stems from serving the wrong master.
Rick went to a ballgame a couple weeks ago. He was out late, so I took the opportunity to make the house shine. Ten o’clock that night found me on hands and knees washing the bathroom floor. When is the last time I put forth that much determination in my devotions? Would I stay up to that hour to read my Bible? Or pray? Whom am I serving really?
3 comments September 29, 2008
Works for Me Wednesday
God calls us to be good stewards our what we’ve been given. That includes our money and our talents, but also our time. If you’ve followed my blog for any amount of time, you know I struggle with organization. I love having everything in order and using my time efficiently so that I can truly enjoy my family, but managing a home doesn’t come easily to me. My mother always says “Creative people can’t be neat people.” I won’t say it’s impossible, but it sure is difficult! I hate chores. I hate housework. But it’s all got to be done and so I strive toward a perfect “system” to keep it all done. I’ve not found a perfect system, but I have found a tool that works for me.
A month ago I shared with Rick my ideas for a perfect organizer. It would be a calendar with both weekly and monthly views. It would have spots for a grocery list, meal planning and a To-Do list. I would be able to keep track of family appointments, notes, and personal goals. It would be perfect … if only it existed. I considered making one myself, but the thought alone seemed too labor-intensive and time-consuming, so I put it out of my mind and headed to the grocery store.
Guess what I found there. Yup! My PERFECT organizer!! I was so excited. Here it is. I give you: Mom’s Plan-It Engagement Calendar. And this is why it’s so great:
- Weekly and Monthly Calendar Views
- To-Do List: smack-dab in the middle of the weekly view (right where it should be)
- PERFORATED Grocery List: This is on one side of each weekly calendar (see the photo below). It’s even divided by sections of the store so there’s no back-tracking when you get there – another time saver! Did I mention it’s perforated so you can just rip it out and take it with you?
- Menu Planner: This is on the opposite side of the weekly view (again, see the photo below). Its format is flexible to suit your needs, whether you just want to list meals, assign days or even jot down recipes or pages in cookbooks. (I’m lovin’ it!)
- Stickers: almost 300 for quickly and easily noting family appointments, school activities and more
- Front Pocket: for holding coupons, school notes or things to be mailed
- Address Pages: These are divided into sections, too! There’s a generic address section for anyone you want to remember, but there are also specific address pages for babysitters, children’s friends, restaurants, services (like when you need a plumber and don’t want to spend an hour looking for the number) and emergency contacts.
- Notes section: blank pages in the back for all your brilliant thoughts and doodles.
- Spiral Bound: no more wrist calisthenics trying to write in an awkward journal.
- 17-Month Format: It actually starts in August to go with the school year and runs 17 months, just in case you, like the rest of us busy moms, can’t always buy a new calendar when you really need one.
And all this in a little package. The whole thing measures about 5 1/2 x 6 1/2″. It won’t fit in my tiny handbag, but it does squeeze nicely into a small backpack or diaper bag. I’ve had this planner for just a month and already my life seems easier. I’m thrilled with it! It definitely worth more than the $13 I paid for it.
There is actually a whole line of “Mom’s Plan-It” stuff — wall calendars, checkbook calendars, desk calendars. Personally, the engagement calendar is my favorite. I tried the magnetic wall calendar last year and was disappointed. It seemed cluttered and took up too much space on my fridge. Also, it didn’t have all the cool features for meal planning and list making.
So there you go. This is my organizational tip for the day, piggy-backing on yesterday’s discussion of crazy motherhood. For more “Works for Me” tips and tricks, visit Rocks in my Dryer.
Oh! And come back tomorrow for the first ever In the Dailies poll. I’ve decided to let YOU choose my new ‘do! I’ve got about 8-12 extra inches of hair on my head and just can’t decide what to do with it … I’ll be posting options and you can vote on which I should get. Until then …
“A capable, intelligent, and virtuous woman–who is he who can find her? She is far more precious than jewels and her value is far above rubies or pearls. The heart of her husband trusts in her confidently and relies on and believes in her securely, so that he has no lack of honest gain or need of dishonest spoil. She comforts, encourages, and
does him only good as long as there is life within her.”
Proverbs 31:10-12 (AMP)
6 comments September 10, 2008
