Category Archives: God’s sovereignty

The Schizophrenic Homeowner, The Waffling Disciple

I don’t believe God has a blueprint for our lives, but I sometimes wish He did.

Let me clarify the first point first. God definitely has a plan for us, but I believe that plan involves our character and not our actions. I believe He is more concerned about who we become than in what we do. His will requires our submission and our obedience, but I don’t know that it includes specific details about our jobs (what we do), our houses (where we live), our wardrobe (what we wear), our families (who we marry and how many kids we have or don’t have) or even our budgets (how much money we get and how we spend it). He cares about those things, of course. But those details are trivial compared to our ability to love, our passion for truth, and our eagerness to serve Him fully.

Some will argue that they’re all related and that, if we truly seek to serve Him fully, then the answers to the “little details” will be clear. I agree all of life is intertwined, but if God had a very specific plan for every detail of our lives, then we would be doomed from the very first mistake. How do you get back on track after abandoning the blueprint? You can’t go back in time and “fix” that part of your life.

Or would God just keep re-drawing our blueprints? A new one for each mistake we make. Of course, if He knows everything (which He does), then He would know we would make mistakes (even before make them), which means His original blueprint would include our mistakes. In which case, even our mistakes follow His plan. Logically, couldn’t we then conclude that God plans for us to disobey?

God hates sin and He cannot contradict His nature which means He can’t possibly plan for us to sin. All this forces me to conclude that we have free will and that God’s plan or “will” for us is flexible enough to allow U-turns, side roads and scenic routes. I picture His will more like a map than a blueprint.

Oh, but a blueprint would be really nice when we face massive decisions! Like moving and buying a house (or not) and where to send our kids to school.

I feel a little like a schizophrenic homeowner. Or maybe a waffling disciple. Is it James who says “let your ‘yes’ be ‘yes’ and your ‘no’ be ‘no?’” The problem is I don’t know what our answer is.

We made the decision to enter this adventure after much prayer, research and counsel, but we keep going back and forth. We really like our house! It’s a beautiful home with a great yard, and we finally got it the way we really want it. So, why are we doing this? Yes, we want a bigger house and, yes, we want to be in a different school district in case we need to take the kids out of the Academy but so many questions arise.

What if we move, then something happens and we lose our income? Are we being greedy? Materialistic? Are we building our own kingdom rather than God’s?

What if we take the kids out of school and then they get caught up with the wrong friends? Is it better to stay in a small house and keep the kids in Christian school? Or should we get a bigger house and engage the community more? Are we sheltering our kids too much?

What if the new school’s administration is anti-Christian? What if we don’t get along with our new neighbors? What if our current neighbors need us to stay here longer? What if …

When I get going down this path, there is nothing to stop me from thinking we’ll move into the new house only to have it struck by lightning and burnt to the ground the next day. Or swallowed by a giant sink hole. Or the subject of some massive toxic experiment.

It’s ridiculous, and I know it!

I want to be confident in our decisions, but I don’t know what’s best. I want to stop thinking about it all, but my mind won’t let me. There’s too much that is affected by this. (And I’m not even touching the whole #3 topic!!) What if we make the wrong choice and we can’t reverse it? I don’t want all of the repercussions of this one decision to be on my shoulders.

I wish God would send me an email detailing exactly what He wants us to do.
But He doesn’t work that way.

I wish I were more confident in His plan for us.
But I’ve been wrong so many times before.

I wish I could believe that He will still care for us no matter what decision we make. I know it’s true, but I’m scared.
I’m afraid my mistakes may be too big for His grace.

And yet, admitting this is how I feel, I must laugh at the absurdity. Of course, His grace is greater!! No matter what happens, no matter where we are or where we go or what we do, He will still hold us in the palm of His hand. He will still make Himself known. My entire life rests not on this decision, but upon Him.

Oh, Lord, please help me to live confidently in what I know of You. Your love abounds and your grace knows no end! May my faith be the same. Remind me of the thousands of times you have provided above and beyond our needs, of the times You have revealed Yourself in delightful “coincidences.” When I am weak, You are strong. Help me to rest in You, in Your strength, Your provision and Your grace.

Reflections on Genesis

Last summer I taught a class on the five women in Matthew’s genealogy of Christ. The list includes Tamar, Rahab, Bathsheba, Ruth and Mary. It’s a short list, but an intriguing one. The members include a prostitute, an adulteress, a twice-widowed woman who imitates a harlot to seduce her father-in-law, a barren heathen (also widowed), and an unmarried teenager who becomes a revolutionary. As I prepared the study, then taught the class, I continually asked God “Why these women?”

Women are typically ignored in biblical genealogies. The records followed fathers and sons, though primarily just the firstborn son. Women and daughters were obviously necessary to continue the line, but they weren’t considered important. Women didn’t make history; men did. These five women, however, did make history — even in the eyes of the men who wrote history.

The same question — Why them? — haunted me through our reading of Genesis. Why these people listed in this way? Why did this blessing pass from this person to this one? Who was significant enough to be remembered and why?

I learned (yet again and in a new way) that God rarely follows man’s rules of importance. Seldom was the firstborn blessed above all the rest. Look at Israel’s sons.

Rueben was the firstborn, but he was also the one who slept with his father’s concubine, the mother of two of his brothers. His own father cursed him as a result.

Joseph, the righteous eleventh son, was the one with prophetic dreams who saved his family and indeed the whole nation of Egypt. He seems like the front runner in God’s eyes, but even He was overlooked for the Messianic promise.

Who became the ancestor of Christ? Judah! Judah, the third son, was the one who initiated the sale of Joseph into slavery. He also married a Canaanite woman, raised three evil sons, failed to keep his promises the the widow of his sons, then took solace in a prostitute after his wife’s death. Well, he thought she was a prostitute until the daughter-in-law he rejected and condemned to poverty became obviously pregnant. This is the man God chose as the heir of the promise. This is the man God chose to honor as part of the lineage of the Messiah.

Why? I don’t know.

What I do know is that God has a plan and we’re all part of it. Israel, Rueben, Joseph, Judah … the firstborns and the first chosens, the blessed and the Bathshebas. The faithful ones waiting expectantly and the spoiled rotten ones who spit in the face of grace. We all have our place.

Genesis reminded me of 1 Corinthians 12. Here is how The Message phrases verses 13-18:

“You can easily enough see how this kind of thing works by looking no further than your own body. Your body has many parts—limbs, organs, cells—but no matter how many parts you can name, you’re still one body. It’s exactly the same with Christ. By means of his one Spirit, we all said good-bye to our partial and piecemeal lives. We each used to independently call our own shots, but then we entered into a large and integrated life in which he has the final say in everything. (This is what we proclaimed in word and action when we were baptized.) Each of us is now a part of his resurrection body, refreshed and sustained at one fountain—his Spirit—where we all come to drink. The old labels we once used to identify ourselves—labels like Jew or Greek, slave or free—are no longer useful. We need something larger, more comprehensive.

“I want you to think about how all this makes you more significant, not less. A body isn’t just a single part blown up into something huge. It’s all the different-but-similar parts arranged and functioning together. If Foot said, “I’m not elegant like Hand, embellished with rings; I guess I don’t belong to this body,” would that make it so? If Ear said, “I’m not beautiful like Eye, limpid and expressive; I don’t deserve a place on the head,” would you want to remove it from the body? If the body was all eye, how could it hear? If all ear, how could it smell? As it is, we see that God has carefully placed each part of the body right where he wanted it.”

Joseph saved the country, but he was no greater than Israel or Judah or Aaron. Tamar seduced her father-in-law, but this makes her no less important than Sarah or Rachel or Ruth.

The same is true for us today. I may write and teach Bible classes, but that makes me no more important than my neighbor. A missionary in Africa is no less in need of grace than the homeless man drinking in the ghetto of San Francisco. We all have our parts to play. If we heed God, we’ll all be great in the end because together we make God glorified. He’s the star of the show. None of the rest matters.

If you missed Whimzie’s post last week on Genesis, you have to go check it out. Great thoughts over there!

Genesis behind us, we’re now in Exodus, about to start Leviticus. We haven’t lost anyone – have we?

I saw someone this week who said she didn’t want to talk to me because she knew she was behind in her reading. Please don’t avoid me!! I’m still a bit behind, too, but  — you know what? I’m okay with that. This year will have ups and downs, busy times and free times. Lately I seem to have a lot of busy, crazy, stressful times. When things calm down, I’ll catch up. In the meantime, I keep reading, keep trying, keep working toward our goal. That’s all you need to do, too. We can do it!

So, howya doin?

It started with my bra in the toilet.

Oh, there is so much I want to write to you!! Unfortunately, you’ll have to wait a bit longer to hear most of it. This week is VBS which means we’re crazy busy in this house. Happy and joyful and busy. The kids LOVE VBS and are already singing all the songs nonstop. They raved about their days to Daddy for hours last night. In fact, I think they talked about their experiences longer than the actual experiences lasted. Anywho, they’re happy and learning about Jesus and that makes me estatic. I love it!

Today is Tuesday and that means Mama Loves. Well, Mama loves that even when everything seems to going wrong, God rules.

Yesterday started with my bra being dropped in the toilet. Fortunately, I had an extra clean one ready, but still — it wasn’t the brightest (or dryest) start to my day. Everything went downhill from there. My contacts tore. I lost my make-up bag. My hair was NOT doing nice things so I had an emergency bang-cutting session. (I know, I know … Never cut your hair for a bad hair day! Just trust me: it had to be done.) Then Zach started screaming that he hates VBS and refused to put his shoes. The wailing continued as I dragged him barefoot to the car. We arrived with glasses-clad, tear-streaked faces — Please remember I’m one of the “adult Bible class” teachers this week. I’m sure we epitomized the respectable, leadership family in that moment. Fast forward to half an hour later. Zach still clung to my neck (even after the opening sessions had ended) and his dear friend Nathan was cuddled, literally in the fetal position, under the pews. I bribed the two into a semblance of submission with the promise of cookies, then I dashed into the shadows while they trailed the teachers who were already halfway down some secret hallway I’d never seen before.

Yup. It was an interesting morning. But God worked it all out! He arranged it so that I didn’t have to teach until well after Zach was settled and poor Nathan had resumed an upright position. God even gave me time to make extra copies. Then He was with me all through my class! Things flew out of my mouth that I hadn’t planned to say, but every word was well-received by the women in my class. (As a sidenote, I expected maybe six people to attend. I’ve got some pretty stiff competition with the other teachers. :) I had NINETEEN women come to my class! And they all seemed to really enjoy it. That’s quite the accomplishment on God’s part, especially with the stuff He had coming out of my mouth. You know, taboo words like “submission.” Even I cringed when I heard the word burst forth from my lips. I’m a big proponent of Biblical submission, but I don’t like standing in front of that many women and saying it out loud. I expected crusty bagels and half-empty coffee cups to be flung my way. But God is good. He made Himself known. Best of all: He made it abundantly clear that I am in control of nothing. And I love that. That means that even when I have terrible day, even when I make a thousand mistakes, He can still redeem the pieces into something beautiful, something that brings Him glory.

All right. I gotta run. Today is another day and I can’t wait to see what happens!

In case you’re curious, yesterday I taught about Tamar. Today’s topic is Rahab. I’ll catch you later.

Mama Loves: Angels in Disguise

mama_loves_buttonMy weekly exercise in positive blogging, Mama Loves is Philippians 4:8-9 in action. Learn more at this post.

Mama loves angels in disguise.

Last Thursday I woke with this prayer: “God, I’ve done it again. I overbooked myself today. Forgive me and please help me make it through the day with me and my children all in one piece.” Read the rest of this entry

Mama Loves: Remembering miracles.

mama_loves_buttonLast week the kids and I had lunch with some friends from life BC (Before Children). It was so great! I miss those girls and desperately wish we lived closer. There’s just something fantastic about having friends who know so much about you and still love you, friends who don’t play favorites or keep secrets. What you see is what you get. Our afternoon together felt like a mini vacation to me. We have to do it again soon!

During our hours of chatting and eating and laughing and sharing these precious friends reminded me of the miracle of my children. I’ve mentioned this before, but it’s worth mentioning again.

We endured four years of infertility before God gave us Ellie. We went through tests and procedures. I prayed and fasted, join support groups, wept and measured and charted and underwent one very painful surgery. I took fertility drugs, saw specialists and prayed some more. I shouted out in frustration to God and my husband and just about anyone who would listen. Every month offered proof I had failed again. My desires slipped further and further away, down a dark road I didn’t want to travel. It was arguably the most difficult time in my life.

Finally, after four years, I fell under an unexplained peace. My doctor referred us to yet another specialist. “I’ve done everything I can do,” she said. The next step seemed too invasive, too much like playing God. We didn’t want to go there. Instead we decided on adoption. Two weeks after starting our agency research and three days after receiving our first applications, I took a test. A bright blue plus sign stared up at me. I couldn’t believe it. I didn’t believe it! I took four more tests (both in and out of my doctor’s office) then held my breath for three months. After the first trimester I started to believe it was real. Our miracle had come. Only six more months until we would meet her.

Ellie turns five next week. Sometimes in the rigor of everyday parenting I forget what a miracle these children are. Yes, Ellie was and is an unexplained gift to us, but so is Zach. I was nursing and on birth control when we conceived him! God really wanted us to have these two children when we had them. I can’t explain the timing or the ways. I’ll never understand exactly what happened in either case, but I know it was all God. He knit these children together … I am overwhelmed with gratitude.

Lately my hands always seem full. I ask the kids over and over: “How many hands does Mama have? Are they full or empty?” Once Zach yelled out “Four!” Not exactly the right answer. I don’t ask the question out of exasperation, but simply to teach patience to them and diligence to myself. I want to work hard, to use my hands wisely, but also remember that I can only do so much. Where I fall short, God may have a miracle waiting. I want to be sure my hands are prepared to receive it. Some days my hands are overflowing. Some days my heart is too.

Mama loves remembering miracles.

For more info on Mama Loves, visit this post.

Mama Loves: "Coincidences"

I’ve quoted this here before, and here it is again: “Coincidences happen when God chooses to remain anonymous.”

Mama loves coincidences.

Like when you’re struggling with something and find loads of encouragement on that subject on four different blogs on the same day. Or when an old friend calls right when you’re remembering a wonderful time you shared together. Or when you “stumble” upon just the perfect verse for that moment. That’s what happened for me this week. None of these are “coincidences.” They’re all details orchestrated by God. A God who orchestrates details like this is just awesome. I love it.

If you’ve followed this blog for long, you know Mama Loves intends to point out the positive even in less than ideal situations. Parenting is tough. It’s a humbling journey and yet such an honor. It’s exhausting and exhilarating at the same time. We work to help our kids reach the next milestone, but then mourn how quickly they grow.

I’m hardly qualified to give advice on anything, least of all parenting, but one nugget I eagerly share: Don’t wish away your days. When I first had Ellie someone told me “The days are long, but the years are short.” Rarely have I heard such a true statement. Yes, it’s exhausting. Yes, we look forward to a rest, but that will come and this time, this wondrous, never to be replicated time, will be gone in the blink of an eye. Never, ever wish away your days.

Here is the verse I found. Rather, it found me.

“Teach us to number our days right,
that we may gain a heart of wisdom.”
- Psalm 90:12 (NIV)

Thank my mother

I want to say so many things about this year’s presidential election — about the campaigns, the candidates, the issues and the results — but it would be unwise for me to say any of it without further prayer. Fortunately for you, my mother called this morning. That poor, dear woman listened to me rant and rave for over an hour. This was after I had very loudly and passionately chased my husband around the house forcing him to endure my opinions. He had to leave before my thoughts were exhausted, so Mom became my next caged audience. Oh, she loves me so! If you see her today, thank her. She did you a great service! While I’m still feeling quite passionate about this, the steam has dissipated. Maybe some day I’ll share all of my thoughts, but right now only one thing seems important.

We must pray for President-Elect Barack Obama. Not just him, but we must pray fervently and consistently for all members of our government.

It doesn’t matter if we voted for them or not. God has given these leaders their positions and we must petition the Lord to help them handle the responsibilities with wisdom and moral responsibility. I really don’t think anyone truly knows what they’re getting into when they run for office. Maybe they do. Regardless, the trials will be great and every President needs help. Let us stand with our leaders before our Lord.

“Our God, your name will be praised forever and forever. You are all-powerful, and you know everything. You control human events– you give rulers their power and take it away, and you are the source of wisdom and knowledge. You explain deep mysteries, because even the dark is light to you.”
– Daniel 2:20-22 (CEV)

MIA

Hey. I wanted to let you all know why I’ve been absent this week. If you’ve been watching the news at all, you’ve heard much about Lehman Brothers and the Wall Street choas. Well, my husband works for Lehman Brothers. At least he has for the past seven years. This week has been … eventful, to say the least. But I’ll be back to my regular blogging self in no time. In fact, tomorrow I’ll announce the “new ‘do” winner along with the date of The Big Cut.

For now I just want to share a couple verses with you.

“Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication
with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.
And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension,
will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

- Philippians 4:6-7 (NIV)

This peace that defies understanding, it’s tangible and kind of scary. When all this happened with Lehman Brothers, I wasn’t worried. In fact, I didn’t even think twice about it. I was and am so fully convinced that God is in control, that none of it fazed me. My husband lost his job, our sole source of income, and yet I wasn’t worried about a thing, not our mortgage or Ellie’s school payments or groceries or health insurance or anything. It was just another day with an awesome God at the reigns. Peace saturated my entire being. The peace was so overwhelming, it was almost frightening.

When the news broke, our phone started ringing off the hook. I received dozens of emails each day offering encouragement and prayer. Each person I spoke with was completely amazed at the peace God gave me. The more people I talked to, the more I started to freak out. If everyone else was worried, shouldn’t I be worried too? This is, after all, my life and my family. I should be the one most terrified by the possibilities and the reality surrounding me. All of a sudden panic and fear replaced the peace.

Why? The situation hadn’t changed.

But my perspective had. I took my eyes off God. Rather than focusing on Him, I started looking at the situation.

This incomprehensible peace is of God. No other explanation exists. But we canot possess it if our focus strays from Him. Let me encourage you to keep your eyes on God. Those around you may not understand how you can be so confident and at rest; you may not understand it yourself. But don’t take your eyes off Him. He is our Source of strength and peace. He the only thing worthy of our attention.

Summer Fun

The challenge was to take away school and the pool and find something fun to do, preferably without depleting the kids’ college funds. (What? You don’t have a college fund yet either?) Extra points granted for passing the Time Worth Test: the enjoyment of the activity lasts longer the prep.

No matter how hard I try to suppress it through time management and good organization, my hippy inclinations continue to surface. Throw in my crafty nature and you’ve got my favorite summer activity.

Yup. Tie-dye. It was a blast! In fact, since having our tie-dye “party,” we’ve had requests from neighbors and friends to do it again.

Here are the vital statistics.

  • Cost: $15 (dye, rubber bands and shirts)
  • Prep Time: 20 minutes
  • Activity Time: 2 days
  • Group Size: We had 2 adults and 4 kids, but you could have more, for sure. It depends on the ages of your kids and how much chaos you like.
  • Age Appeal: 4 and up
  • Side Effects: We had a TON of fun and walked away with 8 cool new shirts (and some leftover dye). The kids love them! The only negative side effect? If you forget to wear gloves, your hands will look like this …


… for weeks. Literally. The dye on the skin fades after about five days, but the lovely adornment around and under my nails lasted at least three weeks. No amount of nail polish would conceal it. I tried. But hey — a small price to pay quality memories.

Here’s day two. After untying, washing and drying all the shirts, we went to the park for a picnic.

Apparently, it’s difficult to smile while eating PB&J. Take my word for it: they LOVED it!

Ellie’s favorite part of the two days? Receiving her first kiss from a boy not in our family.

I love how he even has his hat in his hand! Too cute.

Take it a step further: Use this activity to teach kids about God’s creativity. Just like no two tie-dyed shirts are the same, no two people are the same. Each is unique and beautiful. God created us for His pleasure! We are each made exactly the way God wants us to be. We may not see the big picture, but He knows what He’s doing, and one day we’ll have all our knots untied. On that day we’ll see His plan and praise Him for His wisdom and sovereignty.

“Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out;
you formed me in my mother’s womb.
I thank you, High God—you’re breathtaking!
Body and soul, I am marvelously made!
I worship in adoration—what a creation!
You know me inside and out,
you know every bone in my body;
You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit,
how I was sculpted from nothing into something.
Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth;
all the stages of my life were spread out before you,
The days of my life all prepared
before I’d even lived one day.”

- Psalm 139:13-16 (The Message)

Parenting Panic

It was “healthy bodies week” at Ellie’s preschool. They talked about what’s good for you and what’s not. Exercise, brushing your teeth, cheese, yogurt, fruit and vegetables: all good. Candy, ice cream and fast food: not good. In the midst of this discussion my daughter raises her hand and stands to speak. “We eat Burger King ALL THE TIME. I am SO SICK of Burger King French fries! When my mom gets here I’m going to tell her.”

Well, her teachers thought this was hysterical. They beat Ellie to me with the story. My response? In a panic I blurted out “We don’t eat there all the time! Why would she say that?!” I spent the drive home wondering if I should have explained more. It is, after all, the only place with a drive-thru and Zach-friendly foods …

Me thinks the lady doth protest too much. No, we don’t eat at Burger King all the time, but who cares if we do? Why am I so afraid of what other people think?

Since becoming a school mom, I’ve discovered how paranoid I can be. I am constantly worried they’ll think I’m a bad mom or they’ll misinterpret Ellie’s precocious statements and turn me into child protection services. I worry I’ll lose my kids, my reputation, my life.

For the first time, I am entrusting my child into the care of others on a regular basis. This is more than Sunday School or babysitting. This is handing her over and trusting those “others” to teach her the right things. And still it’s more than that. I’m trusting myself to these others as well. I’m believing these people who I barely know want to help me raise and train this child God has given me.

The Lost fan in me continues to protest: Never trust an Other. Scripture reminds me I must.

“Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.” • Proverbs 3:5 (NIV)

Rick and I prayed long and hard about where to send Ellie to school. By not trusting her teachers, at least a little; by not trusting our choice of school, I’m not trusting God. I’m not following His lead, but instead trusting in my own understanding. Depending on my paranoia to be accurate and my defenses strong enough.

God wants us to trust HIM, not ourselves. Sometimes trusting Him means trusting others. I need to relax knowing Ellie’s teachers delight in her as much as I do. I need to calm down and stop freaking out every time talk to me or ask me a question. They are not out to get me. I need to trust God and rest in the knowledge of His sovereignty.

As parents we tend to think everything is a big deal. Are they walking at the right time? Are they getting enough sleep? Why aren’t they following the model given in the book? Do I need to call a speech therapist? What we forget is that our God, the Source of all knowledge and power, is in charge of every detail. How big do they look when sitting in the palm of His hand?

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 1,296 other followers