Category Archives: frustration

I can’t remember the last time we slept through the night. An actual eight hours of sleep. I would prefer more, but would settle for that. In fact, I would be happy to get six straight hours! Last night we were able to catch maybe four, which is more than the average.

Zachary did sleep through the night once upon a time, but with his eczema and allergies, it just isn’t happening anymore. We’ve drugged him, slathered him with lotions, regulated his mealtimes and tried to let him cry it out. We’ve limited his naptimes and switched to 100% cotton clothes and jammies. We’ve got blackout curtains hung and both a humidifier and air purifier constantly running in his room. Even with all this, we are up at least four or five times every night to whisper in his ear, rock, cuddle and re-medicate.

Around 1AM this morning we lay in bed wide awake, once again. Through frustration I said something about not knowing how to pray any harder. I didn’t understand why God wasn’t answering our prayers; why Zachary still, at 13 months old, was not sleeping through the night.

Rick lovingly reminded me of a recent sermon on thankfulness. The speaker taught how we become accustomed to our blessings and stop thanking God for them. We are naturally discontented and should always remember how good God is to us; giving thanks for even the smallest blessings of everyday life. “Zachary’s condition is not life-threatening. We can praise God it isn’t worse. We can thank Him for our house and the strength He gives us to continue. We can thank Him for the doctors who are helping …”

Through tears I barked back: “I don’t want to be thankful!! I want sleep! I want to spend more time with you than I do sleeping on the couch with our son.”

There it is. Once again my sinful nature slaps me the face. I hate it when I literally hear this blackened heart screaming my true thoughts. Too often I convince myself those evil instincts aren’t there. As long as they don’t come out, I don’t need to deal with them – right? Wrong.

“For the word of God is living and active and sharper than any two-edged sword, and piercing as far as the division of soul and spirit, of both joints and marrow, and able to judge the thoughts and intentions of the heart. And there is no creature hidden from His sight, but all things are open and laid bare to the eyes of Him with whom we have to do.” – Hebrews 4:12-13

God already knows what is in my heart. Once again I must crawl before His throne begging forgiveness. I must humbly ask Him to change my heart; to give me a position of constant gratitude. The smallest thing that He has given me is still more than I deserve. How dare I complain about a lack of sleep? I have so much more! And for all of those things – every one! – I must give thanks.

“Let us therefore draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and may find grace to help in time of need.” — Hebrews 4:16

Lord God, this is my time of need. I praise you for your mercy! I thank you for your goodness. Please help me to find your grace and help …