Category Archives: Father
Without Ceasing
My daughter never stops talking. She wakes up talking. She goes to bed talking. She even talks in her sleep. Every moment in this house is spent to the soundtrack of a little girl’s monologue.
Rick is wonderful at shutting out unnecessary noise. I am not. He can choose what to hear. If something is not on his radar, he simply doesn’t hear it. It’s a talent I do not possess. He has often told me I need to be better at ignoring our children. Perhaps that would make my life less frustrating, but then I might miss much more, too.
Yesterday Rick was practicing his selective hearing, choosing only to listen to the Giants game and not much else. Meanwhile, Isabel was sitting in the bathroom creating another lovely Dennis home soundtrack. I was trying to read while Zach played at my feet. The girl never stopped talking. Rick didn’t hear a word. I heard her sing about going potty and baby Jesus and Christmas and the alphabet. I heard stories of Grandma’s house, snowmen, silly princesses and funny little brothers. Rick heard nothing but the game. Then, absentmindedly, I rolled a plastic bottle under my feet. The noise this made, a crinkly-crunch, drove Rick crazy. Now, why is it that this sound annoyed him while the drone of toddler talk streaming from the bathroom went unnoticed? His answer: “All I hear is ‘wah-wah wah wah-wah-wah.’” He had perfectly imitated Charlie Brown’s teacher. “Then ‘CRUNCH!’ I notice that.”
Not even two seconds later the bathroom voice called out: “Wah-wah wah wah-wah-wah!” She doesn’t even know what she’s saying, but she can’t stop saying it. Every thought that enters her mind is verbalized. Every sound that enters her ears must be imitated. Nothing is off-limits. No inhibitions exist. The talking must go on. It never ceases.
While her incessant talking gets below my skin several times a day, I still admire her stamina. Where does she find the energy to talk all day long? All day, every day? It amazes me. And it inspires me.
1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 reads: “Rejoice always; pray without ceasing; in everything give thanks; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” (NAS)
Do I pray with the fervor with which my three-year-old talks? Her enthusiasm never wavers. Even if no one is listening, she continues voicing her thoughts, concerns, joys and dreams. And yet with prayer we know Someone is always listening. God wants us to pray. He wants to hear all that we think and fear and dream and hope.
I have reminded Isabel, “You only need to say things once.” Perhaps she thinks I don’t hear her or I didn’t understand what she said. Either way, if I don’t move fast enough, she just repeats what she said over and over and over again. Sometimes it even gets louder with each verse. It’s like ‘Henry the Eighth’. My brother used to drive me to homocidal thoughts simply by singing that song. Because I do not want to kill my child, I have asked her to only say things once. “You must trust me to do what you ask and give you what is best – without all the reminders.”
Her nagging has often reminded me of Luke 18. There Luke recorded a parable Jesus told of an annoying widow. The judge in her town didn’t respect God or His statutes. She went to this judge repeatedly asking for justice. He refused time and again. Undeterred, she kept coming back asking the same thing again and again. Finally, the judge acquiesced and gave her what she wanted. He said, “… because this widow keeps bothering me, I will see that she gets justice, so that she won’t eventually wear me out with her coming!” (v. 5) Jesus went on to explain “Will not God bring about justice for His chosen ones who cry out to Him day and night?” (v. 7)
The introduction to this parable is in verse 1; it reads: “Then Jesus told His disciples a parable to show them that they should always pray and not give up.” (NIV) Am I giving up when I only pray once?
I have always thought of prayer in very simple terms. I tell God what’s on my mind, then He answers with “yes”, “no”, or “wait”. I don’t like repeating myself. I’m too afraid of being annoying. But that is not the point of this story.
The point is not that the widow was too annoying. The point is that she was persistent. God doesn’t think we are annoying. He wants us to come to Him again and again. He wants us to approach Him the way Isabel approaches me – with lots of enthusiasm, stamina and persistence; without ceasing.
Get started and keep moving!
If you’ve been reading this blog for a while, you know I’m not a naturally neat person. I truly have to work at keeping our home clean and organized. Even with the work, I am inconsistently successful. While reading yet another book to help me with this battle, I encountered an interesting thought.
“Wanting to do things perfectly, or at least very well, is good. Sometimes. When the desire for perfection becomes a requirement, that’s extremism. And that can be a significant hindrance …” *
The author was speaking specifically about getting and staying organized, but I see possibilities for a much broader application. Being obsessed about perfection can hinder us in life and ministry. It can dampen our fellowship with others and with Christ.
There are two specific points I want to make here. First, perfectionism can prevent us from getting started. Secondly, it can prevent us from moving on.
Growing up, my siblings and I were taught a kind of “all or nothing” attitude. This came as direct application of the verse I shared with you last time (1 Corinthians 10:31). After all, everything we do is to be to the glory of God, so we must give 110% to everything. I love the encouragement and discipline received from my mother’s example! In ministry I do not dare give less than my all. Going only half-way is not good enough. You’ve got to persevere. You’ve got to finish strong. You’ve got to give your very best because God is so worthy.
The flipside of this instruction is the problem; it is the defeatist attitude of not even trying if you know you can’t do it perfectly. “If we’re going to be late, we might as well not go at all!” It is this thinking that holds us back from helping, from volunteering, from getting involved in ministry. There has to be someone else who can do it better than I, so why bother? Thinking like this is an extreme hindrance not only to us, but also to the body of Christ. We are not giving and they are not receiving. It’s a lose-lose situation.
Perhaps God is asking you to do something, but you feel less than qualified. You don’t think you have the time or skills to do it perfectly. Well, I’ve got news for you – no one else will do it perfectly either. We are imperfect people! If God is telling you to do it, then you are the perfect person for the job. He doesn’t make mistakes and He chose you. Be brave. Step out of your shelter of perfectionism and obey His calling. You will be rewarded.
Once we get started on something, we encounter another hindrance. We dove in and now want everything to be perfect and perfectly completed. We become trapped by our perfectionism and refuse to move onto the next thing.
Last week my mother-in-law and I painted my kitchen. It is a beautiful red called “rapture”. I love it! The problem with this color is defining lines. Our house is old and the walls are not smooth like you find in a new construction. This makes creating a straight edge with paint nearly impossible. And the contrast between this vibrant red and my stark white cabinets and trim makes every bump and curve noticeable. Mom and I struggled for hours trying to get those lines perfect. At the end of the second day, we forced ourselves to quit. We made a rule not to nit-pick anymore. The lines still are not straight, and they are still driving me a little crazy, but if I were to continue working on them, all of my other responsibilities would be neglected. The laundry would not be done; the shopping would not be finished – probably not even started. Rick and the kids would be fending for themselves for food, baths and survival. On top of all that, I would be ready for a straight-jacket. My family and my sanity needed me to settle for imperfection in order to move on to more important tasks.
Sometimes we need to just let go in order to grow. You have done all you can do, so let it be. Move on. It may be a relationship worked to death or a ministry detail that truly is good enough. It may not be perfect, but it is as good as it needs to be for now. Perhaps you can return to it another time or remember lessons for the next opportunity. In a couple weeks I may go back and work on those lines some more, but I’m not going to let them hold me back from doing what is verifiably more important.
What about you? How is perfectionism hindering you from glorifying God? Think about the opportunities in your life. Perhaps there is a ministry or relationship you need to dive into. Maybe you need to let go of something and move toward a new task or service. I encourage you to seek God on this. Ask Him where you might be stuck and how you can get out. Imagine serving Him unencumbered by our own expectations … Let’s get started and keep moving!
* Quoted from Organizing Magic: 40 Days to a Well-Orderd Home and Life by Sandra Felton, Revell, c. 2006
Imitators?
Many have called Isabel my “mini me”. She has my sandy-blonde hair, my full lips and my pointy chin. We’re not sure where she got those curls or the brilliant blue eyes, but, for the most part, she is my clone. She possesses more than a few of my mannerisms.
The three of us – Ellie, Zach and I – were outside today. Zachary was sitting in Ellie’s big, old, plastic car. I was relaxing; reading a book. Isabel was trying to convince Zach to get out of the car so she could have it. As I listened, I heard nothing more than an echo of myself. “Zach, honey, you play with this instead?” A little later she leaned over right at his eye-level, “Me no like that, Zach. No, no. You don’t do that.” Her tone was identical to mine.
Sometimes, though, when she does something unusual, I wonder: “Is this a reflection of me, too?” Her afternoon snack one day consisted of a bowl of watermelon and cantaloupe. As I worked on cleaning the kitchen, Ellie found a bowl of half-eaten chocolate Chex Mix. She carefully sprinkled it over all her fruit, then exclaimed: “Ta-da! Mama, look!”
“Oh, is this your new recipe? Very nice.”
“Me call it ‘messy house’. You like it?”
Where did she get that? Is it a reflection of my creative culinary experiments or my dreadful housekeeping skills? No matter. The real question is: what does God think when He watches me? Am I portraying His character in a way that makes Him proud? Or is He wondering where did I get that?
The Apostle Paul gives us a ton of guidelines for righteous living. He lists several specific behaviors and temptations to avoid right here in Ephesians. Go back a bit. The whole section from 4:17 through the end of the book lists item after item. These are the things NOT to do. To sum up all that we must DO, Paul gives us these two verses:
“Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave Himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.” — Ephesians 5:1-2, NIV
The key to accurately imitating God is to “live a life of love”. If we do that effectively and completely, we will naturally match His character. In that one command we will find unity, peace, wisdom, compassion, charity … all that we need.
So, how are we doing? Does your life radiate God’s love? Are you reflecting all that He is? I know I fall far short, but I’m working on it. Let’s not be sad portrayals of our King. Rather, let us strive to reflect Him with precise clarity. May others see Him in us – in our mannerisms, our tone, our lives, our love.
Like Father, Like Daughter
“Therefore, be imitators of God, as beloved children …” — Ephesians 5:1
As I sat at the kitchen table sorting mail, Isabel entered the room. She announced her presence with loud, clumsy steps in Daddy’s shoes and a low voice, a voice I had never before heard from this two-year-old: “Hello, Mommy! Are you my friend?”
I couldn’t help but laugh. Alright, so her voice was a little off, the shoes were way too big, and her father never calls me “Mommy.” But other than that, she was pretty on with her portrayal. Isabel knows that Daddy’s voice is lower than hers and mine. She knows those are his shoes. On top of that, she hears her parents repeatedly confess they are each other’s best friends.
This is not the only time Isabel has imitated us. She hears everything – as most toddlers do. When my tongue slipped, she walked around the rest of the day yelling “Oh, crap!” to all her toys. Whenever playing with the phone, she must pace – just like her mama. Whenever Rick is watching baseball, she yells “Go Yankees!” regardless of what team is playing. She watches us cook and clean and eat and visit and laugh. She notices every detail and is quick to imitate them, usually with surprising accuracy. She’s a natural.
If Isabel spent all her time with someone else, she may have very different behaviors. Oh, some of it is natural, of course. She does have our genes, but this girl is learning from us. She is watching our example – be it good or bad – and she is copying it. She is fashioning her behavior after ours. All this she could not do without having spent time with us. If she only saw her father once a week, she may not know that he loves to read and watch baseball. In order to be good imitators, time is required.
In the same way, if we want to be imitators of Christ, we must spend time with Him. We must study Him in the same way children study their parents. Once a week is not enough. We must know His character before we can replicate it in our lives. Time is required. Learning another’s character takes a lot of time.
I know we live in a world where time is more precious than all else. There are a million time-consuming demands and never enough time. This, my friends, is something we cannot shelve. It is too important. We cannot put it off until we have more time.
If we want to be imitators of our Father, we must spend time with Him. It doesn’t have to be an hour every morning. It could be ten minutes in the afternoon. It could be on the train going in to work. It could be at 3AM while up with one of the kids. Do it when you can, but do it every day. This is not something to feel guilty about. The truth is the more time we spend with God; the less we have to work at being like Him. We will become natural imitators. Thinking like He thinks will be automatic. Being what He wants us to be will be easy. All because we have been with Him; we have spent time with Him and we know His character.
