An attempted Scripture reading

What follows is an actual dialog from bedtime. Please note that my children have heard this story several times. They’ve even seen it acted out by vegetables.

Me, reading from the NIrV, starting at Joshua 5:13: “‘When Joshua was near Jericho, he looked up and saw a man standing in front of him. The man was holding a sword.’

Zach: “A sword?! Like a pirate?”

Ellie: “No. It was Jesus. It’s always Jesus.”

Me: “It was an angel. (Back to Scripture) The man holding the sword ‘was ready for battle. Joshua went up to him. He asked, “Are you on our side? Or are you on the side of our enemies?” “I am not on either side,” he replied. “I have come as the commander of the LORD’s army.” Then –‘

Ellie: “See. It’s Jesus.”

Me: “He’s not Jesus. ‘Then Joshua fell with his face to the ground. He asked the man, “What message does my Lord have for me?” The commander of the LORD’s army replied, “Take off your sandals. The place you are standing on is holy ground.”‘

Zach: “Did he fall?”

Me: “What?”

Ellie: “No, Zach. He just took off his shoes ’cause Jesus told him to.”

Me: “He’s not Jesus, baby. He’s an angel.”

Zach: “I think he has stinky feet.”

Me: “‘So Joshua took them off. The gates of Jericho were –‘

Ellie: “Wait! Jericho? We have that movie!”

Me: “Yes, we do. ‘The gates of Jericho were shut tight and guarded closely because of the people of Israel. No one went out. No one came in.’

Zach: “Were they stuck?”

Me: “‘Then the LORD spoke to Joshua. He said, “I have handed Jericho over to you. I have also handed its king and its fighting men over to you.”‘

Ellie: “They were fighting?”

Me: “Well, they were fighting men. Like an army.”

Zach: “An army of pirates?”

Me: “No, not pirates.”

Ellie: “What does that mean?”

Me: “What?”

Ellie: “Handing fight-y men.”

Me: “Well, it means that God gave the land and the people to Joshua because — ”

Zach: “They can fix things.”

Me: ” — Joshua found favor with God. He obeyed God, so — ”

Zach: “Like Handy Manny.”

Me: ” — God took the land away from the people who disobeyed Him.”

Ellie: “Oh.”

Me: “‘”March around the city once with all of your fighting men. In fact, do it for six days.”‘

Zach: “SIX DAYS?!”

Ellie: “Whoa. That’s a lot.”

Zach: “That’s like THIS many!” (He held up ten fingers.)

Me: “‘“Have seven priests get trumpets that — “‘

Zach: “Trumpets? I LOVE trumpets! And drums.”

Ellie: “Me too! I love guitars and pianos.”

Me: “‘” … trumpets that are made out of ram’s horns. They must carry them in front of the ark. On the seventh —‘”

Ellie: “The ark?!”

Me: “It’s not Noah’s ark.”

Ellie: “Oh, I know. It’s Joseph’s ark.”

Zach: “I like arks.”

Ellie: “Or is it Moses’ ark?”

Me: “It’s the ark of the covenant. It was — well — let’s just finish the story.”

Ellie: “An ark is a boat, Mom.”

Zach: “Pirates live on boats.”

Me: “I know an ark is a boat, but this is a different kind of ark. It carried the laws of God and — ”

Zach: “I like boats.”

Me: “Let’s keep reading. “‘On the seventh day, march around the city seven times. Have the priests blow the trumpets as you march — “‘

Zach: “Hey, look. Pooh is naked!” (He had removed the red shirt from his plush Winnie the Pooh.)

Ellie: “Pooh is naked!” (They both erupted in laughter.)

Me: “And so they did everything that God said and the walls fell down. ‘So the Lord was with Joshua. And Joshua became famous everywhere in the land.’

Ellie: “Famous. Wow. I want to be famous.”

Me: “Okay, baby. Get in bed.”

Ellie: “I’m going to be on TV.”

Zach: “And I’m going to be a naked pirate!”

Talk to me!

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