Monthly Archives: September 2010
Musings on concrete, new life and writer’s block
Too often I get to this spot. This one right here.
I’ve had tons of thoughts I want to get out, but no time to write. Before I know it, it’s been four or five days. When I finally get time (and quiet) to write, I don’t know where to start. The past few days have only compacted the thoughts vying for attention. Fertile ideas now feel like concrete, heavy and nearly impossible to move.
We’ve been working on our yard. It once looked like this:
And then it looked like this:
And then this:
In case you missed it, the transformation involved draining, selling and deconstructing a pool and a huge wooden deck; chopping down trees; leveling the ground and disposing of huge concrete footers and a LOT — no, I mean a L-O-T of sand.
The side yard, while not as cluttered, was in even worse condition. I’m not sure what happened to it. Somehow it was neglected and beat down so much that you could hardly scratch the surface. Literally. It was dirt, but it felt paved. Like concrete.
We worked it. And worked it. And worked it. With sharp metal rakes and hoes and even a pick-ax here and there. We sweat and paid attention to screaming muscles that hadn’t been used in far too long. We dug and tilled and laid new top soil. We seeded and fertilized and, believe it or not, it now sports tiny little green blades.
I’m not sure where I’m going with this post.
Maybe it’s about writer’s block.
Maybe it’s about perseverance or hard work.
Maybe it’s a subconscious reference to soil and seeds and souls that need Christ.
Maybe it’s just an excuse to show you pictures of my improving yard and the first fallen leaves.
Somewhere in here is a lesson about new life coming from even the hardest, seemingly hopeless materials. I’ll let you draw the conclusions.
Recipe Swap Sunday: Mama’s Mac-n-Cheese
In my journey toward a home free of preservatives and processed foods, one of the most difficult tasks has been replacing Kraft Macaroni & Cheese. It’s just so stinkin’ easy to make! And the kids love it. Over the past few months, however, I’ve finally created an alternative that both the kids and I like. I like it because it’s natural and relatively easy. They like it because, even though it doesn’t taste like the powdered kind, it tastes pretty darn good. In fact, my toughest critic (my husband) even likes it!
Mama’s Mac-n-Cheese
- 1/2 box whole wheat macaroni
- 3 T butter
- 3 T milk
- 1/2 t garlic powder
- 3 oz. sharp cheddar cheese, freshly and finely shredded
- 1/4 c. Parmesan cheese, freshly and finely shredded
Cook the pasta as directed; drain. Place the butter in the same cooking pot (hopefully still warm) and pour hot pasta over it. Stir until the butter is melted. Add the milk and garlic powder. Slowly add the cheeses, stirring constantly to avoid clumps. ENJOY!
You gotta love a girl with choices.
Ellie has been planning her wedding all summer. Technically, she’s been planning her wedding for about three years now, but this summer has been special because she had a specific groom in mind.
DeAndre may or may not know what his future holds, but sweet Ellie hasn’t a doubt. She has chosen their kids’ names (Max and Joole, which is pronounced like Julie) and the color of their house (pink with a green door, because his favorite color is green). She knows they’ll eat lobster and lots and lots of shrimp at their wedding, which, of course, will be held in a castle. She will have a giant diamond and the biggest, most princessy dress you’ve ever seen.
Now that fall has arrived, things have changed. She’s in a new school with new students. We had this conversation yesterday.
Ellie: “Mom, you’ll never guess. There’s a boy in my class named Ryan. He sits next to me and burps through his nose all the time. Oh, and I love him.”
Me: “Wait — what?”
Ellie: “I’m going to marry him.”
Me: “Because he burps through his nose?!”
Zach: “What about DeAndre? I thought you were going to marry him.”
Ellie: “Huh. (big smile) I guess I have choices!”
Of red doors, pink dogwoods, and unspoken prayers
** This blog is currently undergoing an identity crisis — in design, not content. Feel free to comment on the look and don’t be surprised if it’s completely different tomorrow. **
I found myself bargaining with God again last night. Ellie was up hacking, her second week of this cough. It only comes at night and the doctors say it’s no big deal, but it is. She’s miserable and can’t sleep. We can’t sleep and are vicariously miserable. Worse: she’s questioning why God doesn’t answer our prayers to take her cough away.
So there I was in that familiar position, staring at my ceiling and trying to decode the right sequence of words to bring God’s power.
But that’s not the way God works. It’s not about proper formula. There isn’t a prayer recipe that moves Him to action. And I have to admit this is one of the most frustrating aspects of faith. I want to know that if I just do it the right way, then everything will work out the way I want. But the way I want isn’t always the right way. The way God wants is. I just wish I were better at deciphering His specific ways.
Sometimes God doesn’t answer the way we want or expect, but it’s not His grace that is off — it’s our perspective.
Maybe we don’t get what we ask because we expect the answers on our terms. I want her cough to stop now because I asked the right way and because I’m tired of dealing with this.
Maybe we only get what we really want when we fully surrender to what God wants. The funny thing is that when we fully surrender to God, our wants mirror His wants. Our desires change so that His will reigns supreme. What we want more than anything is what He deems best for us. It’s kinda cool, right?
I think of it like childish blinders. My kids often have tunnel vision because of their limited knowledge. They think they know what they want, but because I know them better and I know the world better, I know better what they want and need. Ultimately, they’re thrilled with what I’ve chosen for them, but until they surrender to my leadership, they can’t see the goodness I desire for them.
It’s the same with us and God. We can’t see the great things God has planned for us until we surrender to contentment with whatever that plan may be.
Almost two years ago Kellie wrote a post about her red door. She wrote about the joy of serving a living and compassionate God who answers even our unspoken prayers with grace.
We all have unspoken prayers. We may not call them “prayers.” Maybe they’re more like “wishes.” I know I don’t always say them out loud because, if I do and God doesn’t come through, well, that’s just one more foolishly spoken unanswered prayer – right? Well, it’s certainly foolish thinking because God already knows! I don’t have to say it out loud for Him to know what’s in my heart. Still, we keep those little secrets, the ones we don’t dare admit.
Then God comes through with a red door. Or a pink Dogwood.
My secret wish for our new house was a pink Dogwood. I admit we started our house hunt with lofty expectations. In short time our budget and the market forced us to be more practical, more realistic. Our “must-have” list dwindled from 4+ bedrooms to 3; from 2 baths to 1 (with potential for a second); from a big yard to any yard; from central air, a fireplace and a porch to whatever we could afford.
Our gracious God heard our prayers and lavishly answered even the unspoken wishes. I feel totally spoiled in the house He chose for us. We have 4 bedrooms, 2 1/2 baths (one en suite!), a fireplace, central air and not 1, but 3 porches! I even have two pink Dogwood trees.
Let me reiterate something. Prayer is not formulaic. There isn’t a right or wrong way to pray. There is no way to guarantee results, to ensure you get what you want. But if you surrender to God — really, truly surrender to what He wants — you’ll be happy with what you get. Whatever that may be.
And I firmly believe God delights in surprising us with those red doors.
“But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.”
– Matthew 6:33 (NKJV)
I warned you.
What do you think about my new look? I’m totally undecided on which way to go with this, but I warned you I was bored. I have a very calm, notebook-ish look on standby in case I quickly tire of this one. Or if I hear crickets in the comments section.
I actually had planned to write a regular post today, but my brain is not into the thinking thing today. That could be related to the dinosaur puppet that keeps growling in my face. Or the fact that I’ve not yet finished my first cup of coffee (thanks to the owner of the hand inside the dino puppet). Switching blog skins is far easier than actually thinking.
I may actually change the skin several times this week. I have a few back-up designs and just can’t decide how edgy I should be. For now, though, I’m kinda liking this! It’s kinda funky. Rick says the word is “raw.”
I let you pick my hair a while back. Maybe I should let you pick my blog skin, too.
Recipe Swap Sunday: Chicken and Orzo Soup
It’s been quite a while since I’ve shared a recipe with you all. I think it’s time. Besides, several people requested a bowl of this yummy dish just this week. It’s my go-to standard when my kids are feeling under the weather.
Homemade soup is always better than canned or processed; not to mention this recipe is quick, easy and made from stuff we almost always have on hand.
Chicken and Orzo Soup
- drizzle of olive oil
- 3/4 c diced carrots (I prefer baby carrots, sliced. My kids like the circles.
) - 1/4 c diced red onion
- 3-4 ribs celery, chopped
- 2 garlic cloves, minced
- 1 quart chicken broth
- 3 chicken thighs, fully cooked and diced — about 1 1/2 cups total (This is a perfect use for leftovers!)
- 1 cup orzo, uncooked
- Salt and Pepper to taste
- 3-4 T freshly shredded Parmesan cheese
Add carrots, onion, celery and garlic to olive oil in a medium saucepan over medium-high heat. Cook until just tender and fragrant. Add broth. Once boiling, add orzo and chicken. Lower heat to medium and cook, stirring occasionally, until the orzo is soft, about 10 minutes. Add salt and pepper to taste. (If using regular broth, you probably don’t need any salt or pepper. However, if you use a low-sodium broth, you may need a little flavor boost.)
When serving, ladle soup into individual bowls, then top with shredded Parmesan. This is great with a side of fresh garlic bread!
My turn to be quiet. (Read with Me Check-In)
Maybe I had really weird dreams last night. Maybe I fell asleep to TV last night. I don’t know exactly.
What I do know is that I woke up with an inexplicable heavy feeling. It’s the type of feeling you get when you’re always one step behind where you should be. Or when you feel overwhelmed by the expectations placed upon you, like you’ll never measure up or you’ve completely forgotten something very important and you’ll never quite get it right.
The problem is I don’t have a reason to feel this way. After such a crazy summer, life is finally settling into a predictable routine. I should be content and peaceful, yet my first thought this morning was “I miss summer.”
Already this morning I’ve snapped at my kids, burned some bacon and gained two pounds. (Okay, so the weight gain is probably from the ice cream I’ve been sneaking this week …) In this state I cannot even attempt to encourage any of you. It’s my turn to be quiet.
I’m going to turn off my computer and find a solitary corner to sit with my Bible and try to recapture my Center, my Source of peace and serenity.
You all can talk amongst yourselves. I’ll give you a topic: How’s your reading? What are you learning?
I don’t want to convert you.
A gentle knock interrupted my quiet afternoon. It was so soft, I questioned whether or not I actually heard it. Sure enough, two nicely dressed ladies stood at my front door. I recognized The Watchtower magazines immediately. Jehovah’s Witnesses.
I slowly opened the door, already feeling the dread of an age-old dilemma turn my stomach to rocks. How do I be polite and honest? Do I invite them in for a hearty debate or just send them on their way?
They inquired about the previous homeowner by name. They had been visiting her regularly to teach her about the Bible and answer her questions about God. I made a mental note to pray for the previous owner. Would I be interested in one of their magazines?
I actually have a stack of their literature in my basement. Each time I get a visit like this, I decide to be prepared for an educated discussion the next time they come. Of course, my intentions are never fulfilled and the next visit always finds me just as unprepared as the previous.
I politely declined their offer explaining that I am in fact a Bible teacher and I just gave a class on the cover topic. I rambled something about them saving their resources for someone who has need of it. They pushed harder, obviously not believing either (1) that I was telling the truth or (2) that I am any good what I do. That’s when I heard myself say “I don’t want to convert you.”
Really? I don’t want to convert them?
My mouth continued to spew uninhibited strings of words. “I know about Jehovah’s Witnesses and we don’t believe the same things. You’re free to believe what you want and I don’t want to invite you in under false pretenses or lure you into a trap or … yadda, yadda, yadda …” I don’t even know what all I said.
“Well, we just believe what the Bible says.”
Really? Because I’m pretty sure — absolutely positive! — that the Bible says Jesus is the Son of God — not a son of God, but THE Son of God, thereby being deity. I’m also pretty sure that, according to the Bible, there is a Hell.
“So do I. We just interpret it differently.”
They asked if I would like another visit. I asserted “No, not really.”
An hour later I still debated the wisdom (or lack thereof) of my words. Should I have invited them in? Engaged in conversation? Did I just squash a divine interruption? Of course, this internal struggle is not limited to Jehovah’s Witnesses. I’ve gone through the same thing with Mormons, Muslims, New Agers and atheists. What are my responsibilities when it comes to evangelism? How much is too much? How much is not enough? Do the rules change when people show up at my door uninvited?
If I truly believe that all people are sinners, that the wages of sin are death and that Jesus Christ is the only way to salvation, then why aren’t I more active in sharing that with people?
There are two major points I want to make here.
Christians are not responsible for converting unbelievers. That job belongs to God. More specifically, that job belongs to the Holy Spirit. Our job is to share the Gospel (evangelize). That doesn’t mean beating people over the head with Bibles. That doesn’t mean instigating fiery debates. That simply means sharing the hope that we have in Jesus Christ, sharing what we believe, sharing what we know through the Bible to be absolute truth about God and what He has done for us.
St. Francis of Assisi is attributed with this quote: “Preach the Gospel always and, if necessary, use words.”
Evangelism is critical to Christian faith. I’m not talking about the spread of Christianity; that is a natural result of evangelism. But evangelism itself is critical because it (1) forces believers to understand what they believe and why (You can’t share your convictions with others unless you actually hold those convictions.) and (2) it is obedience. Jesus said to tell others. If we don’t do what He said, than we’re not really following Him, are we? And if we’re not following Him and not doing what the Bible says, than church is little more than a social club. Right? This is a simple, logical progression.
I say all this to affirm that we must preach the Gospel. Preaching indeed involves words. BUT — and this is my second point — Effective evangelism starts with love. This is where far too many Christians fall short. We embrace our doctrines and theologies and become so passionate about winning the debates that we lose the relationships. Yes, we want to stand up for what is true, but if we run over people in the process, what difference have we made? Jesus said “They will know you by your love.” I gotta tell ya: love involves way more than words.
I don’t believe traps are loving. I don’t believe tricking or manipulating people is loving. Inviting strangers into my house under false pretenses is not loving. In fact, it feels like lying.
So here’s my game plan for situations like these. I will continue to be honest. It’s the same game plan I have for dealing with … well, life! I don’t have any hidden agendas. What you see is what you get. I am a Christian, and my faith is an integral, inescapable part of my daily life. I have very strong convictions about truth, specifically the truth of God. If you want to engage in conversation, GREAT. I would love that! I LOVE talking about God and spiritual things. I love understanding what people believe and why. But I’m not going to preach at you.
And if you want to preach at me, it’s probably best if you just keep walking.
How do you handle these situations?
Changes may be coming.
Consider this fair warning: I’m bored.
Oh, I’ve not run out of things to do. Quite to the contrary, I don’t have a bazillion things to do. But I lack a creative outlet for my creativity. My sewing machine is still in a box somewhere in the abyss of our basement. Same with my stamps and other crafts. So, look out.
I may do something drastic with my hair.
Or my blog.
Consider yourself warned.
I am happy to say …
I am happy to say that finally, after a horrendous first week of school, yesterday boasted no tears, no screaming and no frantic clinging to Mama’s leg at drop-off. This, of course, resulted in the first day that Mama didn’t cry about school. YAY!
I am happy to say that we no longer have a pool. Yes, yes, I know there are people the world over who would love to have a pool in their backyard. I am not one of them. In fact, I am thrilled that it is gone. So, thank you to Craig’s List for helping us in that task and thank you to the people who purchased the pool for not turning out to be homicidal.
I am happy to say that we’re getting stuff done around the house. A few weeks ago (before vacation) Rick and I (Okay, it was mostly me. I do love me a good spreadsheet.) created an elaborate spreadsheet of all our tasks, all the things we wanted to get done to the new place. There were 103 items. (I agree, that’s ridiculous, but that’s what happens when one buys a ninety-year-old house.) I am happy to say we’re now down to 86! That may still sound like a lot, but it’s a lot less than 103. By the way, I have every intention of showing you before and after pics of our not-so-extreme home makeover. Stay tuned.
I am happy to say that my mom is doing well. A huge THANK YOU to everyone who has inquired about her health! It’s been so encouraging to know that people pray (not just say they’ll pray!) and that they really care.
I am happy to say that life is calming down. This may only be for a season, but it feels really good.
Your turn! Tell me what makes you happy today.
