In the Dailies

Adventures in Real Estate

March 17, 2010

Not long ago I told you we would soon begin a new adventure: selling our home and finding a new one.

This is our first house. We’ve been here six years. It has served us very well and we like it, but it’s time to move on. The kids keep getting bigger (in direct violation of my instructions). We had never intended to stay here forever anyway. We bought this as a starter home and are ready for a — what do you call the next one? A “settler’s home?”

That sounds a little too pioneer-ish for me. I am no Laura Ingalls. I’m more like the nice version of Nellie, but after she moved back to the city with her husband. What was his name? It doesn’t matter. My in-laws are light years better than hers. Remember the yelling? Ugh! Of course, this relates to the show and not at all to the books. The real Nellie never was nice. Maybe I am Laura, but only after she became an author and moved to the city. Hmm … This is what you call a ridiculous, irrelevant tangent.

If anyone can tell me what the next house is called, I’ll give you a prize.

So last week we had the realtors (Yes, plural. We have a team working for us.) to assess our house. It’s a two-part process. First they come and tour the house, asking a million questions and making a few suggestions. About a week later they return with a massive portfolio filled with all kinds of info about your neighborhood, your competition, what they’ll do for you, and what they think you should list your house for.

In between Part 1 and Part 2, we had some adventures. If this is just the beginning, I’m really not sure how I’ll survive this! Sit down; I’ll tell you a story, hopefully without any more of those awkward tangents.

A friend expressed interest in the house. This is fantastic because we could do a for-sale-by-owner which would save us the realtor fees and commissions. This friend and his wife were supposed to come on Saturday. (Part 1 had taken place Tuesday afternoon; Part 2 was scheduled for Monday morning.) We worked like crazy nearly killing each other and our marriage in perfect harmony to make sure the house looked better than usual its best. Meanwhile, the weather was insane! (You may have seen the storm covered on Nightly News or other worthy reports. Some local schools STILL have no power, four days later. It feels like driving through the aftermath of a tornado. Really nuts.) Just before our friends were due to arrive, Ellie came downstairs very excited about something: “There’s water in my room, Daddy! Come look!”

Now, our roof is fine. Absolutely fine! We’ve had it checked. But there is an attic vent just above the girl’s room that, when high winds combine with torrential rain (once every three years), water goes up the vent instead of down and then she gets a few drops in one tiny spot. Regardless, we do NOT want to show the house with buckets on the floor. Doesn’t quite make the best impression.

Fortunately for us, the storm was so bad that our friends never made it. The highway was closed due to downed wires, trees and flooding, so they made it out of the city just in time to turn around and go back to Manhattan. That was Saturday.

On Sunday we made a list of the open houses we wanted to visit, four in total.

The first two had no electricity.

The third one needed way more work than we can afford.

The forth one (the one that most interested us) looked like this:

Oh, you can’t see it? That’s because there is a GIANT TREE on top of it!!!

Here’s another angle:

They say there’s no damage to the house and once they get the tree removed, they’ll be happy to show it to us. They’re actually thrilled with this development because it will allow more natural light into the library.

TANGENT ALERT: Did you hear that? LIBRARY. It sounds so cool, doesn’t it? “I’ll take my tea in the li-brary, please.” I get giddy just thinking about it. Currently the Dennis Library consists of several boxes and two tall bookcases lining the garage and our upstairs bathroom, so any place that can store our books within actual living space (without needing nice-smelling candles) would be a delightful step-up. So, now, if they could only get that tree off the library …

We came home determined to laugh about it, thank God it wasn’t on our insurance and try again the next day.

The next day, however, was Monday. Monday brought with it all new adventures: the meeting with the realtors.

The meeting went very well. I desperately wanted to pray, but remembered that I was not at church or the kids’ school and therefore not exactly with like-minded Christians. While prayer would have been great, Rick agreed that it was a little too early to pull out the Jesus Freak membership card while trying to get these people to work for us. After initialing a dozen spots, selecting at least four important dates, and signing several papers, I joyfully walked them out before starting to pace and pray and hyperventilate just a little.

That was when my adoring, oh-so-compassionate husband decided to pontificate a few scenarios. “You know, babe, we really don’t have to move. This is a very nice house and if we don’t have any more kids, this works great.”

I glared at him smiled timidly. “What’s that, sweetheart?”

“What do you think? Should we have a third?”

Have you seen My Cousin Vinny? I would post a clip, but the language is deplorable, so you’ll just have to remember the scene at the cabin when Marisa Tomei stomps her foot while mentioning her biological clock. “Is there anything else we can pile on the top of this pressure cooker?!??”

Yeah. That was me on Monday.

After getting me a sandwich bag, a bowl, and carefully walking me to the open front door to get some air, Rick admitted it might have been a bad time to bring it up.

This is going to be a fun adventure.

Entry Filed under: House Hunting,trials. .