Comments on: Untitled, unsettled

By: whimzie

whimzie — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 20:33:52 +0000

Dealing with some of these issues right now in my own family. It took us so long to get healthy. I’m not sure I want to risk that health on people who really don’t want to be any different than they are.

I hate that you struggle with toxic relationships too, but it is comforting to know that my family is not alone.

By: Audra Krell

Audra Krell — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 16:51:19 +0000

Thanks to Gordon for featuring this fabulous piece! I relate to your post, it resonates very deeply with me. I get confused and scared about what it means to honor our parents biblically, I’ve found that I can honor my father, through small prayers. I struggle with not being in relationship with him and am intrigued by Kelly’s thoughts on marital unity and how that relates to extended relationships. I’m pitching my first book, it’s on abandonment, and I’m so encouraged by honest, authentic posts like yours Tanya.

By: jodiq

jodiq — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 15:46:27 +0000

Family is a tough one and you name so many truths about boundaries and forgiveness and reconciliation. I sometimes wonder why we get the family members we do…is there a point? Am I to learn some profound truth?

You name a good one…they, whether to want to or not, give us the opportunity to grow closer to God. Maybe as we grow closer to God our hearts open to them in new ways, in ways that are life-giving to both of us…

Saying a prayer for your relationship with your dad…
Jodi

By: Gordon Atkinson

Gordon Atkinson — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 22:43:39 +0000

Honest as always Tanya,

I’m featuring this piece in our high calling blogs news that goes out this week.

thanks,

gordon

By: kellie@LaVidaDulce

kellie@LaVidaDulce — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 01:20:03 +0000

Your transparency here is beautiful.

THank you.

By: Kelly

Kelly — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 00:13:22 +0000

I have always thought that pursuing a ‘toxic’ relationship with someone merely because they are family is at best self-destructive. We purse them harder, although the rejection hurts more.
I am not talking about forgiveness issues or making peace with your past. But for some reason I find that when it comes to family we lose the boundaries that protect us (and our families) that we would have in place for ANY other relationship.
I know for me part of is that family has been there for so long. Think of the destruction that divorce has after something like 10 years of marriage. When do you CHOOSE to walk away from something that you have invested in for essentially you whole life like a relationship with a parent or sibling.

BUT
while God talks about the importance of maintaining and having perfect unity in marriage, he never discusses other familial relations as being more important than relationships outside of family. If anything MERELY pointing out the need to abandon other relationships if necessary to pursue HIM more perfectly .

Wow did I not mean to ramble on…

By: carpoolqueen

carpoolqueen — Sun, 28 Feb 2010 19:18:59 +0000

I have a different relationship with my father than my older brothers do. Theirs is fractured. Mine is complete. It has been the source of many many discussions between the siblings as to how that all happened, but it has been nothing short of a miracle to see the work that God has done in their lives at a very late stage in life.

By: Lynn Mosher

Lynn Mosher — Sun, 28 Feb 2010 03:14:18 +0000

Tanya, I’m so sorry your efforts never proved fruitful. It is a difficult decision whether to go on trying or to give up. May you be comfortable in whatever your decision. I know you know that your heavenly Father can be all to you that you need. I pray He comforts you and fills you with His love and care. Be blessed!

By: momlovesbeingathome

momlovesbeingathome — Sun, 28 Feb 2010 02:28:32 +0000

I can relate, to a certain degree, to what you’re saying. I don’t have a relationship with my father. I have always felt like he was too busy with his “new” family (not new anymore but new after us) to pay attention to me. I tried many times to have a relationship and it seemed like it would work and then I wouldn’t hear from him for a long time – he is always too busy. It’s been about four years since I’ve heard from him this time. I had already decided a long time ago that I was done though. I’m not trying anymore. I’m not going to let him back in so that he can hurt me again. It’s just silly to let someone do that – no matter who they are.