Ends Unraveled
Author L. L. Barkat posted on Monday about the messiness of life. The short post specifically dealt with whether or not characters in her novel should have neatly tied up chapters and lives or if she should reveal the more authentic, messy side of reality.
While I love reading and editing novels, I don’t write them. Even so her post spoke to me about my writing … and about my life.
Do I hide the unraveled threads?
Almost two years ago a friend whom I had met through this blog (and other places online) hurt me deeply. She criticized not just my writing, but me personally as a mother and a follower of Christ. It devastated me. I don’t want to get into the details, I just want to say that her words have affected the way I handle myself online. And now I wonder if the changes made have caused more damage.
Where I used to enjoy the cathartic nature of writing, I now hesitate.
Where I used to share my soul with friends and readers, I now share only glimpses, the neat and tidy glimpses.
Where I used to leave lots of wonderings and pontifications and unraveled threads, I now wait until I have the answers before posing any questions.
I don’t have all the answers. I’m not always a neat, tidy, positive person. (My husband is probably laughing out loud at that statement, since he believes only one of those adjectives ever describes me!) I struggle and I fight and I feel bitter and angry and troubled. I have doubts.
But I think all of this is part of the beauty of life – isn’t it? God can take these messed up lives and create something amazing from them, even when we fail to tie up the ends.
I’m going to try to be more authentic with you, more open with you. I’m sorry I’ve … hesitated too much lately.
Posted on February 17, 2010, in pontifications, trust, writing. Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.
This is one of the things I’ve been “thinky” about lately. Sometimes I think I share too much and share thoughts that haven’t baked long enough. I am very concerned about saying things that are incorrect because I haven’t researched my thoughts enough.
I’ve also become wary of people who assume that they know everything there is to know about me just because I’m pretty transparent on my blog. Yes, I share honestly when I write, but I think there’s more to me than just those words. Does that make sense?
It makes perfect sense! I feel the same way. I’ve had a number of people (including the one mentioned in the post) claim they understood me better than those who know me in real life.
I’ve learned over the past two years that while blogging may be very personal and “small circle” to me, it’s still out there in the public for anyone — and I mean ANYONE! — to read. While I definitely want to prevent miscommunication as much as possible, I cannot take full responsibility for those who simply misread me. People are going to see what they see and think what they think. They don’t know me, even if they think they do. And it’s completely up to me what I do with those comments. Do I believe them? Engage them? Take them to heart? Or just let it go?
The point of this post is not that I want to share everything, but that I want to be authentically me. I don’t want readers’ comments to change me unless it’s for the better. And I’m not sure that always being “neat and tidy” is for the better. It feels like a brittle facade rather than truth. I prefer truth.
For what it’s worth, I don’t think you share too much. I love your blog. I don’t comment much because you always give me so much to think about!
I’ve often thought of putting a disclaimer on my blog that I reserve the right to change my mind about anything.