Daily Archives: February 17, 2010

Author L. L. Barkat posted on Monday about the messiness of life. The short post specifically dealt with whether or not characters in her novel should have neatly tied up chapters and lives or if she should reveal the more authentic, messy side of reality.

While I love reading and editing novels, I don’t write them. Even so her post spoke to me about my writing … and about my life.

Do I hide the unraveled threads?

Almost two years ago a friend whom I had met through this blog (and other places online) hurt me deeply. She criticized not just my writing, but me personally as a mother and a follower of Christ. It devastated me. I don’t want to get into the details, I just want to say that her words have affected the way I handle myself online. And now I wonder if the changes made have caused more damage.

Where I used to enjoy the cathartic nature of writing, I now hesitate.

Where I used to share my soul with friends and readers, I now share only glimpses, the neat and tidy glimpses.

Where I used to leave lots of wonderings and pontifications and unraveled threads, I now wait until I have the answers before posing any questions.

I don’t have all the answers. I’m not always a neat, tidy, positive person. (My husband is probably laughing out loud at that statement, since he believes only one of those adjectives ever describes me!) I struggle and I fight and I feel bitter and angry and troubled. I have doubts.

But I think all of this is part of the beauty of life – isn’t it? God can take these messed up lives and create something amazing from them, even when we fail to tie up the ends.

I’m going to try to be more authentic with you, more open with you. I’m sorry I’ve … hesitated too much lately.