Monthly Archives: June 2009
Saved By the Bell: A Summer to Remember
I’m hosting a guest blogger today: Sharon Lovejoy Autry. A mom of 3, Sharon co-authored Mom and Loving It: Finding Contentment in REAL Life with her sister, Laurie (Lovejoy) Hilliard, mom of 4. Visit their website at www.MomandLovingIt.org. Today she shares some tips for surviving the summer with your kids. Thanks, Sharon, for stopping by!
Saved by the Bell: A Summer to Remember
The final bell rang. The kids screamed for joy. Mom sits in the carpool line wondering, “What in the world are we going to do all summer?!”
Maybe as summer has begun, you’ve found yourself resentful and angry because your children constantly “interrupt” your schedule. If that’s how you’re feeling, you’re normal.
But, wait. We wanted these kids, right? Are they really interruptions or blessings in disguise? How can we move from simply surviving the summer to making it a summer to remember?
Here are a few ideas to get you out of the summer survival rut:
1. Realize they won’t be this way forever. What is it about your kids that you won’t have in two years? If you are a parent of:
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Preschoolers: Look at their hands and notice how tiny they are. Enjoy that.
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Elementary children: When you’re away from home, call them. Their voices sound small on the phone. That always reminds me to enjoy their innocence rather than expecting them to act like little grown-ups.
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Tweens: Laugh at and enjoy their giggles (usually girls) and the fascination they have with being gross (usually boys)! Hopefully that won’t last forever!
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Teens: Even if they are driving you crazy, make your home the safe place. I still remember the fun place our parents created at home. It was our refuge. Let kids feel safe in your home by cutting down on the criticism and looking for ways to build them up. Mom and Dad’s secret was a ping-pong table. We spent hours there.
2. Say “no” with a smile. It makes you and your child feel better. They know you have some regret at having to say no. You are on their team.
3. Play music. Anger and music don’t usually dance. Movie soundtracks, praise songs, music from my teen years or even classical stations. I rarely find myself upset with my kids when we have music playing in the background.
4. Go outside. Sometimes taking a walk or bike ride with the kids can do wonders to change everyone’s perspective.
5. Things aren’t always as they seem. Remember that the way you are seeing things at this moment is probably not how it will look in a couple of hours. Frustrations can build and dissolve quickly when you have kids.
6. Offer them 30 minutes of your time. After they have helped pick up around the house let them pick what the two of you will do together and watch their eyes light up! For older kids, offer them the day off after helping for an hour.
7. Ask your kids what they think is fun. You might be surprised to find that their idea of fun often doesn’t cost any money. My sister was amazed to find that her 7-year-old son’s idea of “fun” was playing tag in the front yard with dad, mom and his little sister.
8. Slow down. Successful parenting doesn’t mean you have your children involved in every possible extra-curricular activity. Successful parenting means you are there for them. If you’ve been running all year, it takes “practice” to enjoy staying home. Don’t give up. Turn off the computer, TV, cell phone, etc. and read or play games (no matter what the age of your children).
9. Pray. When you are at your wit’s end, ask God to help you remember what to do with your kids. On our own, it’s hard to enjoy the moments because “life happens.” But God has a way of giving us perspective that will slow us down and help us see our families the way He sees them: with love and compassion.
The next time you blow your top or realize you’re just surviving your kids instead of enjoying their clumsy feet, silliness, or their constant desire to talk on the phone, stop and think, “one day I’ll miss this!” The funny thing is, tomorrow we’ll be longing for today. If we choose to think like that long enough, the kids won’t be the only ones sad to hear the school bell ring this fall.
Victim or Vixen (Part 5): Righteousness Found?
Welcome to Part 5 of the series! Is anyone else impressed that I can talk about the same thing for this long? 
If you missed previous post in this series, click here to get the first four parts.
Yesterday’s post discussed God’s judgment on David and, by extension, Bathsheba. Yes, they were punished, but they were also forgiven. In a good story tale book or epic chick flick, the characters would respond by rejoicing in their new lives. They would be new people, never recanting their past mistakes, always choosing the right from here on out.
But this Book wasn’t written by humans. The perfect endings we often create don’t always imitate life, and life rarely imitates our fantasies.
Of course David must face his punishment of insurrection to his throne, uprisings and betrayal, but he also was esteemed to write most the poetry we now find in the book of Psalms. (Some of the Psalms were written by others; some written by David before his encounter with Uriah’s wife.) Bathsheba, however, doesn’t get much good written about her. Even after the acts that made her infamous — the adultery, the murder of Uriah, the visit from the prophet Nathan, the death of the child — even after all this, after her subsequent children are grown, Bathsheba is still found on the wrong side of things. She has become friends with Nathan, the prophet, which is good, but she still lacks judgement.
The drama continues and Bathsheba continues to be involved. Adonijah, David’s son by his wife Haggith, tries to claim the throne even before David’s death. He has no right to do this; he just decides he wants to be king and so he collects some supporters and army commanders and declares himself to be the sovereign ruler. Thanks to Nathan’s urging, Bathsheba takes the news to David who then anoints her son Solomon as king. Adonijah is quickly defeated. Almost immediately he asks Bathsheba to petition Solomon on his behalf, and she agrees. Adonijah wants David’s concubine, a virgin named Abishag. Perhaps Bathsheba was just naive, perhaps a little too trusting, but c’mon! She has lived in the palace for how many years and yet she still thinks this is an innocent request? Surely she knew that giving a woman belonging to the king to another would grant superiority to the recipient. I mean, virgins were pretty valuable property. Especially one that had belonged to King David! And yet our girl Bathsheba acquiesces. She aligns herself with others opposing God’s will and God’s chosen ruler. The scene begins with Bathsheba being honored by the king and ends with King Solomon humiliated and angry, Bathsheba embarrassed and Adonijah executed. Oh, and a number of Adonijah’s supporters flee the country, those who do not who do not immediately meet fates identical to their leader’s.
Did she find righteousness? I would like to believe that since she did have four more sons (after the sacrificial firstborn) by David, that the two found restoration for their relationship. I mean, the king had several wives and concubines. He could have called on any of them, but he chose to be with Bathsheba enough for her to bear him several more children. Also, if he found a renewed right relationship with God, I have to believe God convicted him to right things with Bathsheba as well. David chose one of her sons to be his royal heir. Solomon, whom she raised to succeed her husband’s throne, became widely known as the wisest man to ever live. She became friends with the prophet Nathan; one of her sons was even named after him. All of this is good, signals of a life turned toward godliness. But she wasn’t perfect.
mlle. lierre left a great comment on yesterday’s post. After our discussion about the “big idea,” she wrote this: “The idea that God can employ anyone for his glory, even those who have engaged in a sinning spree, is … a true idea, and an applicable idea, but it’s not really the point of David and Bathsheba’s story. Instead, I think it really belongs to someone else’s story—Jesus’ story.” She’s absolutely right! The fact that these sinful people eventually became ancestors of the Messiah has nothing to do with them. It’s a wonderful blessing to them, but not one that they saw in their lifetimes. Nor one that could have been recognized until hundreds of years after they died. The comment continued: “Every story in the Bible is connected to Jesus in some way, of course. What I wonder is what the individual themes of each subplot are. What could David and Bathsheba’s story have taught those who heard it before Jesus arrived?” (Be sure to click over there to read her insightful comment in its entirety.)
I’m always reading several books at one time. It is amazing how often these seemingly random texts intertwine in subject. For example, right now I’m reading a Christian living/doctrine book by Larry Osborne, a contemporary novel by Karen Kingsbury, a Biblical/subjective novel by Francine Rivers, and (of course) a number of books about Bathsheba and other women in the lineage of Christ. All of these have contributed to the understanding of the others. The Rivers book is about Mary, the mother of Jesus, yet it has shed great light on my understanding and interpretations of Bathsheba. The Kingsbury book involves adultery, murder and forgiveness, so obviously common ground exists there as well. The most interesting intersection, though, comes from a chapter in Osborne’s book: 10 Dumb Things Smart Christians Believe. (I know the title is offensive, but just go with me here.) One chapter, the one I reference here, debunks the myth that forgiving means forgetting.
Did Bathsheba find righteousness? We know she was forgiven, but does righteousness come as an automatic result? After masticating on both mlle. lierre’s comment and Osborne’s chapter, I’ve been forced to re-evaluate my perspectives, specifically those on forgiveness. Do my ideas about forgiveness match those of God? Are our views in agreement? Or am I embracing a spiritual myth?
Let me quote a small section from Osborne’s book.
“When it comes to forgiveness, there are two realms: the spiritual and eternal arena and the earthly and temporal arena. God’s forgiveness shows up a little differently in each one.
In the spiritual and eternal realm, forgiveness wipes the slate clean. While God doesn’t forget what we’ve done, He treats us as if it never happened. Spiritual and eternal consequences are completely removed. Judicially, our record is cleared.
But on the earthly level, things are different. God’s forgiveness seldom if ever removes all the consequences or restores all that we’ve broken. Instead, it offers a second chance.”
David and Bathsheba’s story clearly illustrates this. They were given weighty physical consequences on earth, but they were given forgiveness from the spiritual consequences in eternity. God cleared their slates, but He didn’t forget. He used this experience to train them toward righteousness on earth while granting them righteousness in Heaven. It’s the same for us today. When we accept Christ’s forgiveness, we are made new, but that doesn’t mean we never again sin. Our spiritual consequences are removed, but the earthly repercussions of our sin still exist.
Bathsheba may have been a victim or a vixen. If she was anything like me, she was probably a bit of both. The good news is that God’s forgiveness, His restoring power, is the same yesterday, today and forever. He can forgive the vixens. He can restore the victims. He can use both for His glory, continually training the willing hearts toward righteousness.
Victim or Vixen (Part 4): Sentencing Day
This is Part 4 of a series. If you missed the first three parts, please click here, here and here.
Last time we talked about the cover-up plot. When the plan to disguise the pregnancy failed, they eliminated the husband. And by “they” I mean David and his commanding officer. Eventually all appearances were righted. David had a new wife, a young widow now pregnant with his child. But, as I mentioned in the first part of this series, our perspectives are not the same as God’s. David probably thought the problem was solved, that he had handled everything just fine on his own. But god didn’t agree. Scripture tells us “…the thing that David had done was evil in the sight of the LORD.” (2 Samuel 11:27)
This series is meant to be about Bathsheba, and we will get back to her. But first we need to spend a little more time with the king.
Bathsheba’s pregnancy produced a son. Sometime after that boy was born, God sent the prophet Nathan to David.
Who was Nathan?
We don’t know a ton about Nathan. Allegedly there was once a religious text written by him, one that bore his name, but it is no longer in existence. We do know he was a prophet. Typically prophets delivered messages from God that pertained to the entire nation of Israel. More often than not those messages were about Israel’s sin. They were an attempt to draw God’s people back to Himself. It is no surprise, then, that a prophet was sent to confront sin. The unusual part is the specificity: one man sent to one man about a personal sin.
So, Nathan told David a little parable of a rich man and a poor man. The rich man had tons of goats and sheep while the poor man had only one little lamb. Someone came to visit the rich man, but instead of preparing one of his own animals for the meal, he stole and slaughter the poor man’s lamb. At hearing this, David became livid. He was outraged at the injustice, the cold-hearted cruelty of this rich man. David declared that the man deserved to die and, as punishment, must make four-fold restitution. Then Nathan dropped the bomb: “You are that man!” He then continues to quote the message God gave him for David. It’s a sobering message, one that has me holding my breath until the very end. God lists all the things He has done for David, all the things He has given Him. He reminds David of His great love for Him, provision and protection and He assures him that He would have gladly given him more “if that had been too little.” Then the kicker: “Why have you despised the word of the LORD by doing evil in His sight?”
Wait a minute.
Do we equate sin with despising the word of the Lord? I know I don’t. I think I love God and He loves me and so He’ll forgive me and it’s not really that big of a sin and so on and so forth. I rationalize my bad choices. I know what I’ve done is wrong, sometimes intentionally choose to disobey, but I delude myself into believing that I can act against God’s instructions and still get credit for loving Him. Through Nathan, God tells us that when we break His rules, when we sin, we despise His word.
The Sentencing
As punishment for David’s sin — yes, the Bible says calls it David’s sin. Not Bathsheba’s sin or Bathsheba and David’s sin. Just David. — As punishment God promises David “… the sword shall never depart from your house …” The prophecy details how evil will rise up against David from within his own house; David’s wives will be given to another and defiled in broad daylight before all Israel. At this, David confessed his sin. (I don’t know why it took him so long! I mean, he didn’t get the point after the story about the rich man stealing the lamb? Maybe Nathan didn’t give him a chance to interject until now. I don’t know, but I hope my confessions come more easily.) Nathan assures David that his sins are forgiven and that he will not die, however — and here’s another kicker — “… because by this deed you have given occasion to the enemies of the LORD to blaspheme,” the child born to Bathsheba would die. And Nathan left.
It’s not fair!
Let’s get back to our original question: Who started it? If we conclude that Bathsheba, the vixen, was to blame, then why didn’t God send Nathan to her? Or to both of them together? Why would God come down so harshly on His chosen king alone if it were really her fault? It’s certainly not fair to David!
If we conclude that Bathsheba was a victim, raped by David and condemned to a terrible situation by her patriarchal culture, then why was she forced to continue suffering? Bathsheba’s pain must have been immense. She not only lost her husband, whom I believe she loved, she also lost her firstborn child. Then she had to completely change her life. No longer was she the wife of one respected man; now she was one of eight wives to a king who had fallen greatly. God’s punishment to David didn’t end with the death of their child. Remember Nathan said the sword would never leave David’s home. Bathsheba was forced to be witness to all that followed: the incestuous rape of Tamar, the murder of Amnon, the rebellion of Absalom, the conspiracy against David … This became a very disfunctional family! And Bathsheba was thrown into the center of it. Even after David died, the turmoil continued, and she had a front row seat.
What’s the point?
I have to tell you right now: I have been studying these passages, these people of history, for two months now and I have no idea why this account is in the Bible. One of my professors at PBU taught us to always look for “the big idea.” We were to major on majors and minor on minors, focus more on the main point than the details. So I’ve been looking for “the big idea” and I can’t find it. At first, I thought it was a warning: don’t mess up like these people did. But people are forever messing up! Then I concluded that the purpose was to show God’s extensive forgiveness and redemption. The problem is that the problems don’t go away. Bathsheba doesn’t get a new life. David’s reign as king goes consistently downhill after this. And poor Uriah! What of him? Things definitely aren’t made right. David’s relationship with God is restored, but never quite the same. Maybe, like so many other stories in Scripture, this is just another example of how God can use imperfect people to accomplish His perfect will.
I don’t know what the point or “big idea” is, but I know that we learn a lot about ourselves and our God through these passages. For example, God doesn’t always view sin the same way we do. We may think it’s personal and isolated or that we can fix it on our own, as David attempted to do. God knows that’s not true. Our sins affect others. Our sins signify a hatred toward God’s laws. Our sins give opportunites to our enemies to mock God and blaspheme His name. This is serious stuff!
And this post is already longer than I had intended it to be. We’ll pick up again tomorrow. I’m going to skip “Mama Loves” this week since, well, I’ve made it pretty obvious Mama loves studying the Old Testament! As I wrote on twitter the other day: Diving into God’s Word makes me giddy. Until tomorrow … Hey! Leave me some comment love! I’d really like to know what y’all think about this series.
Victim or Vixen (Part 3): Who stopped it?
This is Part 3 of a series on Bathsheba and David. Click here to read Part 1: The Introduction and here to read Part 2: Who Started it?
It’s often easy to get something started. Stopping it is another issue.
Regardless of who initiated their rendezvous, David and Bathsheba made a bad choice. And just like a snowball heading downhill, the problem grew out of control. The bad choices multiplied.
Consequences and Cover-up
Bathsheba found out she was pregnant. She sent David a note to let him know, then waited patiently for his response. He didn’t respond to her. At least not to our knowledge. It’s possible he sent her a message of reassurance to let her know he was trying to make things right, but Scripture doesn’t say as much. Scripture does, however, tell us what else the king did. He brought Uriah back from battle. The plan was to cover up the adultery by getting Uriah to sleep with Bathsheba. If the plan was successful, the child would appear legitimate, the son of Bathsheba’s husband rather than that of another man. The plan didn’t work. Uriah refused to go home. David got him drunk and tried to send him home again. It still didn’t work.
What’s wrong with Uriah?
Let me interrupt our avalanche for a minute. Why didn’t Uriah go home? Any man who is away from his wife for an extended time is eager to return to her bed. Instead of enjoying the evening with his gorgeous bride, Uriah slept on the steps of the palace with David’s servants. He slept outside. On the ground. With a bunch of slaves. Why?
Some claim he did this because of a law encouraging warriors to abstain from distracting pleasures during battle. This included heavy drinking and sex. Israel’s army was to remain pure, focused. Uriah upheld this. He told David he could not go home when the army and the ark of the covenant were still at war. How could he enjoy the pleasures of his wife knowing that his fellow troops were still fighting? Doing so would not only break a tradition of God’s law, but exhibit disloyalty to his comrades. Uriah was willing to disobey his king in favor of preserving his honor and devotion to God. This theory shows great contrast between Read the rest of this entry
Victim or Vixen (Part 2): Who started it?
When it comes to David and Bathsheba, the majority of Biblical commentaries fall into one of two camps. Most despise the evil woman, a temptress who considered David’s godly character a challenge for her feminine talents. Others weep heavily for this poor young girl who became the victim of a sinful king’s unabated libido. Today we’re going to weigh the case of instigation. Was “the act” volitional on Bathsheba’s part? Did she invite the king’s interest? Or was this a royally-sanctioned rape? Did she have any choice in the matter? Who started it? And what difference does it make to us?
I’m going to make a couple stretches here, speculation you might expect from a legal prosecutor. I admit: most of these unfair assumptions are made toward Bathsheba. It’s not that I dislike her; I actually like her very much. It’s just that we don’t really know her. The poor woman is shrouded in missing details, while we know nearly everything about David. Bear with me while I state the case. It will all be brought into balance throughout our study together.
The Case Against Bathsheba:
She bathed on her roof. Naked. In the afternoon. Within plain sight of the king’s palace. If he could see her, she could probably see him. It’s not like they had one-way mirrors in Jerusalem back then; there were no tinted windows. Bathsheba might have known David was watching her bathe, yet she made no effort to dissuade his admiration. (The historian Josephus even notes it was a “cold” bath. I’m guessing that means her headlights were on.) Not exactly the behavior of a modest, devoted wife.
Did she protest at all? She didn’t refuse his guards when they came to get her from Uriah’s home. She didn’t protest when the king made his intentions clear. She didn’t tell anyone after she went home the next morning. Even when she realized she was pregnant, she didn’t tell her husband, her Read the rest of this entry
Bathsheba: Victim or Vixen? (Part 1)
A couple weeks ago I posed some questions about David and Bathsheba. The root of both was the same: why? Why did it happen? Why did they both go along with it? Why was she chosen to bear the next king of Israel? Why was that son chosen to be an ancestor of the Messiah? Why, of all the women listed in Matthew’s genealogy of Christ, was this woman listed while other women, more worthy and righteous, were ignored?
Lately the Dennis family has struggled with “why.” Regardless of what I say, how I say it or to whom, Ellie answers, “Why?” This may be a precursor to sassy adolescence or it may be the “terrible twos” coming late. Unfortunately, I think it’s neither. This isn’t a phase; it’s human nature. As intellectuals, we want to know the reasons behind everything. We long to have life explained to us.
Beyond explanations, we seek comprehension. Somehow we think if we understand the purposes, it will be easier to obey. If it makes sense, then we’ll find our responsibilities tolerable. Ellie believes that, if my reasons are good (from her perspective), then it’s okay; she’ll understand and obey. If my reasons are not good (again, from her perspective), then she’ll try to persuade me to change my instructions to align with her superior preschool wisdom.
But that’s the problem right there: perspective and position. Her perspective is not the same as mine because (1) we are not peers in wisdom nor knowledge and (2) I’m her mom. I am the one in authority. In the same way, our perspectives — yours and mine — are not the same as God’s. We are nowhere near as wise as He. And He is our God. He is the one in authority.
Rick used to tease me that the only reason we argued was lack of communication. I would just keep talking. And talking and talking, repeating myself and my arguments incessantly. I believed if he truly understood my position, then he would agree with me. If he didn’t agree, then obviously he didn’t understand what I was saying. So I would keep trying to explain. This practice didn’t garner his support and it won’t garner God’s. God wants obedience. Not explanations or arguments or reiterated demands for sensible reasons.
We’ve made a rule about why in this house. You can ask why only after you obey. Obedience must come first. Even then, no one is obligated to give a reason. Ellie can ask “why” until her face turns blue and my hair falls out, but I never need to give an explanation. That’s my right as her authority. It is also God’s right as our authority.
Now, none of this means we should never question God. Asking questions is the best way to learn! We can ask all we want, but we must remember our position and His perspective. He is not required to answer. His answers need not satisfy us and our thinking of what is a “good” reason. We can ask and we can learn, but in our searching for answers let us be humble and respectful, remembering He whom we serve and the power He holds. Let us remember who we are and how much we need Him, how much He has given us and how little we deserve.
It is with this attitude that I seek to dissect Bathsheba. I want to ask some “why”s and speculate on the answers, always remembering God’s goodness. In the next few days we’ll look at her life: her joys, her sorrows, her legacy and, of course, speculate about some whys. Victim or vixen? Whatever the conclusion we know that there is relevance in her story, otherwise it wouldn’t be included in Scripture. So, the ultimate question is this: what can we take from her life to bring glory to God in ours?
Mama Loves: Great Quotes (if I can remember them)
I collect excellent quotes. Our pastor gave a great one on Sunday, but I can’t remember it exactly. What’s worse: I didn’t write the whole thing down and now can’t find it online. It went something like this:
“Interruptions are real life. What we believe is real life is often a figment of our imaginations.”
Somebody somewhere said something very similar to that. Since I can’t remember it exactly, let me quote Stuart McWilliam: “Life’s interruptions are life’s opportunities.”
This week I’ve tried to stop and intentionally establish a time of rest and prayer. (Thank you, Kellie, for the challenge!) It’s been much more of a challenge than I expected. Every time I try, I get interrupted. The phone rings. The washer overflows. Ellie needs a drink. Zach needs to go potty. Someone knocks on the door. The kids start arguing and need a referee. I need to go potty. The interruptions never stop. I want an hour, but can’t seem to find fifteen consecutive minutes! I make lofty plans. I have over a dozen posts started (including a mini-series on Bathsheba), articles to write, dreams of planting a garden, cleaning my house, painting the shutters, hosting a brunch, visiting with friends … but can’t find the time to finish a single endeavor. I am always interrupted.
This quote (or at least my remembered version of it) reminds me that my plans are not God’s plans. I may envision quiet afternoons with plenty of time for writing and meditating. More often than not God has very different afternoons planned for me. Ones that involve actively training my children, serving my neighbors and maintaining a suitable, wecloming home for my husband. This doesn’t mean my writing and meditation are unimportant. Just that they may need to wait. And these interruptions may be golden opportunities in disguise.
May Ellie-isms & Zach Attacks
Here are a few quotes from the month of May. I’m also giving a few of Zach’s additions to our family dictionary. He likes to turn sound effects into verbs. I love it.
Me: “Do you want to take your bath with Ellie or by yourself?”
Zach: “I want to take a bath yesterday.” (He means “tomorrow.”)
Ellie, upon seeing downed wires: “Wow. There must be a really fat bird around here somewhere.”
Ellie: “How cute do I look?”
Me, after seeing Ellie jump and dance in the aisles at Payless: “Honey, do you need to go potty?”
Ellie: “No. I just love shoes SOOOO MUCH!!!”
Zach’s Dictionary:
- Boop (verb) to push a button, as in “When I boop these buttons on my cell phone, I call Grandma.”
- Hip (verb) to jump low; (noun) a half- hop, as in “Did you see me hip over that rope?”
- Rum (verb) to rev an engine, as in “All racecars rum.”
- Dead (verb) to kill, as in “Watch me dead that bug!”
