An attempted Scripture reading
What follows is an actual dialog from bedtime. Please note that my children have heard this story several times. They’ve even seen it acted out by vegetables.
Me, reading from the NIrV, starting at Joshua 5:13: “‘When Joshua was near Jericho, he looked up and saw a man standing in front of him. The man was holding a sword.’“
Zach: “A sword?! Like a pirate?”
Ellie: “No. It was Jesus. It’s always Jesus.”
Me: “It was an angel. (Back to Scripture) The man holding the sword ‘was ready for battle. Joshua went up to him. He asked, “Are you on our side? Or are you on the side of our enemies?” “I am not on either side,” he replied. “I have come as the commander of the LORD’s army.” Then –’“
Ellie: “See. It’s Jesus.”
Me: “He’s not Jesus. ‘Then Joshua fell with his face to the ground. He asked the man, “What message does my Lord have for me?” The commander of the LORD’s army replied, “Take off your sandals. The place you are standing on is holy ground.”‘“
Zach: “Did he fall?”
Me: “What?”
Ellie: “No, Zach. He just took off his shoes ’cause Jesus told him to.”
Me: “He’s not Jesus, baby. He’s an angel.”
Zach: “I think he has stinky feet.”
Me: “‘So Joshua took them off. The gates of Jericho were –’“
Ellie: “Wait! Jericho? We have that movie!”
Me: “Yes, we do. ‘The gates of Jericho were shut tight and guarded closely because of the people of Israel. No one went out. No one came in.’“
Zach: “Were they stuck?”
Me: “‘Then the LORD spoke to Joshua. He said, “I have handed Jericho over to you. I have also handed its king and its fighting men over to you.”‘“
Ellie: “They were fighting?”
Me: “Well, they were fighting men. Like an army.”
Zach: “An army of pirates?”
Me: “No, not pirates.”
Ellie: “What does that mean?”
Me: “What?”
Ellie: “Handing fight-y men.”
Me: “Well, it means that God gave the land and the people to Joshua because — “
Zach: “They can fix things.”
Me: ” — Joshua found favor with God. He obeyed God, so — “
Zach: “Like Handy Manny.”
Me: ” — God took the land away from the people who disobeyed Him.”
Ellie: “Oh.”
Me: “‘”March around the city once with all of your fighting men. In fact, do it for six days.”‘“
Zach: “SIX DAYS?!”
Ellie: “Whoa. That’s a lot.”
Zach: “That’s like THIS many!” (He held up ten fingers.)
Me: “‘“Have seven priests get trumpets that — “‘“
Zach: “Trumpets? I LOVE trumpets! And drums.”
Ellie: “Me too! I love guitars and pianos.”
Me: “‘” … trumpets that are made out of ram’s horns. They must carry them in front of the ark. On the seventh –‘”
Ellie: “The ark?!”
Me: “It’s not Noah’s ark.”
Ellie: “Oh, I know. It’s Joseph’s ark.”
Zach: “I like arks.”
Ellie: “Or is it Moses’ ark?”
Me: “It’s the ark of the covenant. It was — well — let’s just finish the story.”
Ellie: “An ark is a boat, Mom.”
Zach: “Pirates live on boats.”
Me: “I know an ark is a boat, but this is a different kind of ark. It carried the laws of God and — “
Zach: “I like boats.”
Me: “Let’s keep reading. “‘On the seventh day, march around the city seven times. Have the priests blow the trumpets as you march — “‘“
Zach: “Hey, look. Pooh is naked!” (He had removed the red shirt from his plush Winnie the Pooh.)
Ellie: “Pooh is naked!” (They both erupted in laughter.)
Me: “And so they did everything that God said and the walls fell down. ‘So the Lord was with Joshua. And Joshua became famous everywhere in the land.’“
Ellie: “Famous. Wow. I want to be famous.”
Me: “Okay, baby. Get in bed.”
Ellie: “I’m going to be on TV.”
Zach: “And I’m going to be a naked pirate!”
Posted on June 11, 2009, in Ellie-isms, parenting, patience, Scripture, Zach. Bookmark the permalink. 20 Comments.
How funny!!!!! That sounds like some of the conversations/stories we have around here. Your kids are so funny!!!
I’m most impressed that you were soooo patient. By the second comment I usually have requested that they save the questions and comments for the end, ssshhhhhh.
Aren’t their little minds great?
HAAAAA!!! Are you sure you weren’t reading to my kids??
Hahaha, that’s my kids in a nut shell. Either it drives my wife and I up the wall or into hysterical laughter.
Thanks,
Mark
Oh, thank you. Thank you. Thank you!!
At least I know that nightly, in other houses besides our own, Bible stories are being mangled.
You know you’re losing it when you find your voice volume a little higher than it should be and you hear yourself screeching, “Just be quiet so we can read the BIBLE and LEARN ABOUT GOD’S LOVE!!!”
FAR too funny. Kudos for actually getting to the end of the story! That’s a coup around here.
And _I_ want to be a naked pirate too.
kimberly
http://www.kimberlystuart.blogspot.com
That was hilarious! Kids are the best comic relief.
That was the funniest thing I’ve ever read.
So the story of Naked Pirate Joshua who took over Jericho in a boat with trumpets.
But you know, they’re listening and asking questions about Scripture–how often do we listen any more?
I think everyone around my cube just wondered what I was laughing about so hysterically.
I loved it. Having survived hundreds of interactive children’s sermons I know the thought pattern. “The it’s always Jesus” I heard more than once.
Love it! Great what kids get out of scripture, isn’t it?
Too funny!!! I’m encouraged to know that it’s not just my kids that don’t seem to “get it” and get totally sidetracked and ask 100 questions
That is too hilarious!!
THAT is why I leave the storytelling to Bob and Larry LOL
HAHAHA!!!! That is absolutely priceless!
Classic! I needed this laugh this morning.
This is funny, and all the other comments already confirm that. But I did want to comment on something you said which is probably not really that important, but made me want to comment anyway, because I’m like that.
The “Commander” here IS Jesus, in a sense. I believe the Commander here is a pre-incarnate Christ … observe that Joshua falls down to worship him, and that the Commander tells Joshua he is standing on Holy ground. An angel NEVER accepts worship, for they are fellow-workers with us (as is shown in Revelation when John tries to worship the angel, and the angel rebukes him for it).
The observe further… Joshua is speaking to the Commander, but then it suddenly says the LORD spoke to Joshua.
This commander appears in several other places … I believe it was he that wrestled with Jacob (the name he blessed him with was “wrestles with God”!), he who spoke with Abraham (two men went on to Sodom and were later identified as Angles, but the one who stayed behind and talked to Abraham is later called “the LORD”!), and he who appears in Daniel as “Michael, your Prince”. Also in Jude, and in Revelation. In every place, there is reason to believe it is speaking of Jesus.
Of course, kids would ever be able to grasp any of that, so your answer is the best I am sure.
Vincent, thanks for stopping by!
As I re-read this post (now well over a year old) this morning, I stopped when I saw that, too. I agree with you that the Commander most likely was the pre-incarnate Christ, and I’m not sure why I insisted on arguing the point with a five-year-old. Perhaps my mommy-brain was tired and didn’t feel like being theologically bested by a preschooler. Maybe we were going through a trial in which I was consistently battling my daughter’s belief that the answer to EVERY spiritual question was “Jesus.” I’m not sure!
But I do agree with your points and THANK YOU for stating them so logically.
I also agree with your last statement.
My kids were 5 and 3 when we had this encounter and I am sure my energy levels were insufficient to help them understand something this deep.
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