DUFF Theory

I’ve been told all men carry a DUFF Theory. (Simpsons fans: Forget about Duffman and excessive drinking by rotund, bald men. Yes, I watch the show. No, this post has nothing to do with it.)

The DUFF Theory goes something like this. All female groups of friends contain at least one DUFF: a Designated Ugly Fat Friend. This DUFF is necessary for maintaining positive self-esteem for the skinny, beautiful members of the clique while still making them feel “nice” because they’re friends with someone less desireable than themselves. The DUFF also serves as a chaperone when necessary and a test for future boyfriends. (Remember the Spice Girls? If you wanna get with me, you gotta get with my friends.)

Okay. I don’t think this theory is true, but a number of male friends assure me it is absolute law, carved in stone, never known not to exist. Regardless of its validity, the DUFF theory has been on my mind lately. Not in regards to friends (like whose DUFF am I?) or physical attraction, but rather about spiritual and intellectual growth.

Isn’t it nice to feel like the smartest person in the room? Or the most faithful? Nobody wants to be the spiritual infant of the group. We all want to feel good about ourselves, like we have something extraordinary to contribute. How do we accomplish this? I think there are two ways: become the best (smartest, most spiritual, most compassionate, etc.) or move to another (dumber) room.

I’ve wondered if I make things easy on myself. Do I read books that challenge me to be better? Or just books that make me feel better? Do I engage friends who spur me toward a more authentic relationship with God? Or do I prefer to spend time with those needing more sanctification than I do? I’m not one to judge people’s spirituality; I’m just throwing out the question. Do I challenge myself? Or am I surrounding myself with DUFFS (books, blogs, friends, groups, TV shows) who offer a false sense of superiority? I want to be intellectual. I want to be compassionate, involved, relevant. I want to be spiritually mature. Am I working on it? Am I surrounding myself with people and resources to help me get there?

A perfect example of my personal spiritual negligence: I found Walk Slowly, Live Wildly in January. She (the writer of that blog) is hosting a wonderful initiative for 2009, The James Challenge, whereby she encourages readers to memorize the entire book of James by the end of this year. She even linked up with an Etsy shop that sells customized “verse purses” and memory packs complete with all the verses. I loved the challenge. I loved her blog. But I haven’t visited her site since. I was so convicted about my lack of emphasis on memorization that I simply didn’t go back.

Until today.

Iron sharpens iron, but only if you let it.