Daily Archives: April 13, 2009

I’ve been told all men carry a DUFF Theory. (Simpsons fans: Forget about Duffman and excessive drinking by rotund, bald men. Yes, I watch the show. No, this post has nothing to do with it.)

The DUFF Theory goes something like this. All female groups of friends contain at least one DUFF: a Designated Ugly Fat Friend. This DUFF is necessary for maintaining positive self-esteem for the skinny, beautiful members of the clique while still making them feel “nice” because they’re friends with someone less desireable than themselves. The DUFF also serves as a chaperone when necessary and a test for future boyfriends. (Remember the Spice Girls? If you wanna get with me, you gotta get with my friends.)

Okay. I don’t think this theory is true, but a number of male friends assure me it is absolute law, carved in stone, never known not to exist. Regardless of its validity, the DUFF theory has been on my mind lately. Not in regards to friends (like whose DUFF am I?) or physical attraction, but rather about spiritual and intellectual growth.

Isn’t it nice to feel like the smartest person in the room? Or the most faithful? Nobody wants to be the spiritual infant of the group. We all want to feel good about ourselves, like we have something extraordinary to contribute. How do we accomplish this? I think there are two ways: become the best (smartest, most spiritual, most compassionate, etc.) or move to another (dumber) room. Read the rest of this entry →