Daily Archives: March 12, 2009

I haven’t blogged much lately, and I’m sorry about that. It’s not that I haven’t had much to say; it’s just that what I have to say probably shouldn’t be published for all the world to see. What could be published, for some reason, won’t align itself in any cohesive manner within me. I’m left simply praying, “God help me.”

Within the past three weeks my grandmother died, my mom came for a visit (we only see each other twice a year since she lives and works 800 miles away), my daughter turned five (an emotionally-chaged age considering my family’s abusive history), my estranged father contacted me after ten years of silence (seemingly with the sole purpose of attacking and berating me), and I finished teaching a 5-month Bible study on Ruth. I am exhausted and I don’t know what to do with most of this, especially the situation with my dad.

“Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God,
that He may exalt you at the proper time, casting all your
anxiety on Him,because He cares for you.
Be of sober spirit, be on the alert your adversary, the devil,
prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.
But resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same experiences
of suffering are being accomplished by your brethren who are in the world.
After you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace,
who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself perfect,
confirm, strengthen and establish you.
To Him be dominion forever and ever. Amen.”
- 1 Peter 5:6-11 (NAS)

Many things pop out from this passage: we will be exalted when the time is right; we are under attack; be strong because the weak go down first; we’re not alone in our suffering nor our experiences; God will be glorified. But I keep tripping on one little phrase: “… casting all your anxiety on Him …” Not some of your anxiety, not a few of your biggest cares, but ALL.

This is where I struggle. I want to handle things on my own. I want to just take care of the little stuff and then let Him handle the big stuff.

The next phrase always corrects me: “… because He cares for you.” He doesn’t care for some of me nor only when I do the right things or after I’ve already handled the small stuff myself. No. He cares for me unconditionally and without fail. He is beyond faithful in His pursuit of me! He cares for me so much that even the “little” things are big things to Him.

Once again I beg God to take it all from me. I don’t ask to be released from trials, but only that He would loosen my prideful grip in order to accept His help and wisdom. Take my cares and show me what to do with them.