Daily Archives: January 3, 2009

I don’t curse often. I won’t say I never curse, because sometimes unsavory words do escape my lips, like when a child inadvertently elbows me in the bosom. Hard. Or when I accidentally drop something very heavy on my foot. Usually, though, I employ pretty tame language. My expletives consist of Christianized versions of other words, like “frickin’” or “Oh, crap!” Even so, I’ve been trying to cut down on my colorful speech. This has resulted in a Flanders-like vocabulary.

Recently I caught myself mid-syllable. “Oh, cra–cky dawn!” Cracky dawn? What the heck does that mean? I don’t know, but my Flanderized brain thought it more appropriate in front my kids than the alternative.

When you think about it, though, is there really a difference between saying “Oh poop!” or … well, the other word? They’re used in the same context with the same tone. So what’s the difference?

A friend from high school once told of a term paper her father wrote in college. Every other word was a curse. The point of his essay was that foul language serves no purpose and doesn’t mean anything anyway.

I’m not suggesting we should all have R-rated language; I’m simply pontificating the value of Christianized substitutions. Even the nicer versions sound awful coming from the mouths of preschoolers (and you know they repeat everything we say). So we come up with nonsensical words, like “diddly.”

Kids’ TV characters have their favorite phrases, too. Zach immitates Thomas and Friends with a hearty “Oh, cinder and ashes!” Or, my favorite: “Bust my bumpers!”

Other favorite kid-friendly expletives? Poot-in-nanny. (That one came directly from my Granny. I’ve no idea what it means, but she would say it often, and now so do I.) Dudley (a Ned Flanders favorite). Good night. Good grief. Argh.

Yes, I’m beginning to sound a bit like Charlie Brown over here. Parenthood has launched yet another attack against my adult vocabulary and it’s winning.