Daily Archives: October 6, 2008

Yesterday our church started a corporate journey, forty days of “fasting from the world and feasting on God.” This is the book we’re using: A Call to Die by David Nasser. I invite you to join us. I won’t be writing about it each day, but I’m sure some of it may seep into this blog. It might be nice to go through this together.

Today is Day 2 and I’m already struggling. Here’s the deal. For this forty-day-period, we’re supposed to fast from something, kind of like Lent. My problem is I can’t think of what to fast from.

I can’t cut out the internet or email because, well, it’s just impractical. It’s the only way I communicate with too many of my friends and family.

I could cut out TV, but I don’t want to punish the whole family with a sacrifice I intend only for myself. Besides, I have waited MONTHS for The Office to come back. I know, I know – fasting should be wholehearted, but it’s really our date night. Rick and I look forward to our time together in front of the tube all week. We can’t afford a babysitter every week, so Thursday TV must be upheld in order to maintain a good healthy marriage. Such is my reasoning anyway.

I’ve considered cutting the phone, makeup (which I don’t wear everyday anyway), books and extended hot showers. My problem is I can think of reasons why I need all of these things! As a mom, I am sacrificing myself every single day for hours at a time. I don’t know which of these little, trivial luxuries of mine I could honestly live without and still maintain sanity. Granted, I lived without makeup and hot showers in Bosnia, but that was before I had kids, before I had two little beings completely dependant upon me for everything.

Before I get any more letters about my negative attitude toward motherhood, I AM NOT COMPLAINING ABOUT BEING A MOM!! I LOVE being a mother; I love my children more than life itself and I would do anything for them. But I also know that when I have a few little luxuries for myself — some time to write, an extra long shower, a half hour of TV once a week — when I have these tiny moments of revitalization, I am a better mom. If I don’t get them, I become resentful and bitter. I hate being a bitter mom. And I’m not the only one who feels this way. Just today I spoke with two separate women who were really excited about an upcoming day when their husbands and kids were going away. They couldn’t wait! Both were planning, through sparkling eyes, how they would spend their time of solitude.

So, what do I do? Do I risk becoming grumpy and resentful for the sake of a self-imposed challenge? Do I trust God to somehow change the pattern I’ve learned is consistent? Or do I just skip this part of the journey?

The book recommends we fast “from certain everyday things that occupy your time, so that it clears you to feast on God.” What takes up so much of my time that I can’t worship God more completely? I’ve got it! LAUNDRY!! No, wait, cleaning the house. Dishes? It’s perfect! If I get a maid for the next forty days, I’ll be a happy mother, a contented wife, and a servant wonderfully free to be gluttonous over God.