Daily Archives: September 25, 2008

It has been said we need to believe it all depends on God, but live like it all depends on us. But how do you separate what you think from how you act? Doesn’t our behavior stem directly from our beliefs?

All I know is the harder I work, the more I find I need to do. The house is never spotless, the laundry is never done and the children never run out of need for attention. And the more I place on myself, the worse I feel about myself. If my husband cleans, I feel like a horrible wife because he shouldn’t have to; I should have done it for him. If my kids are sad, it’s somehow my fault. If they use those puppy dog eyes to ask me to play more, then I feel like the worst mother ever, because if I were better, they would be satisfied and happy. My house is a mess because I’m a terrible homemaker and disorganized to boot. We have too much and do too little because I’m undisciplined. Worst of all, I want a cave all to myself, just an hour or so or peace and quiet to do what I want to do, but the fact that I want it so badly makes me feel selfish and ungrateful. For years I begged God to make me a mother, so why do I now long for a lazy, Saturday morning with just me and my husband? Shouldn’t I be happy? Shouldn’t I be content? A friend of mine, also a stay at home mom, once said she has never felt more fulfilled in all her life. Why don’t I feel that way?

Grace is an awesome thing, but it’s so difficult to accept. Especially when people tell you you’re only frustrated because you’re not doing things the right way. If you disciplined your children more consistently or organized your space more efficiently, if you managed your time more wisely, then you wouldn’t feel this way. But God gives us grace. He knows none of us is perfect and He loves us anyway. He blesses us anyway. The God Who Sees knows my every flaw and my every striving. He knows I’ll never be the stellar mother or exemplary wife I long to be. In spite of this, He still showers me with grace. He still loves me and blesses me and uses me to share His grace with others. All this is testimony to the breadth and width of His power, the immeasurable, unfathomable character He possesses. I stand in awe and boast in Him.

When I see Him as He really is, when I take my eyes off myself and those around me and focus soley on Him, then this mom guilt dissipates. I am confident whatever flaws I pass onto my children, whatever damage I cause, He is more than capable of correcting! And when He fixes all my messes, I can praise Him even more.

“But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
- 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 (NIV)