Monthly Archives: September 2008
Serving whom?
I’m reading a book a second time. Well, kind of. I got halfway through this book over a year ago, but realized when I tried to pick it up, I’d forgotten most of what I’d read way back then. So I’m starting over and glad to be doing so.
Last week I posted about mom guilt and the impossible task of keeping up with this house. I can work day and night to clean it, but the job is never done. It’s not that we’re vermin who habitually leave trails of filth and disorder; it’s just that we are living, breathing human beings. Oh, and half the household is under five and lacks the desire to put things away or tell an adult when jelly toast gets mashed into the carpet. Isn’t there some law of science that says all things naturally go from order to disorder?
But it’s also about perspective. The more I clean, the more I find that needs to be cleaned. When toys and books are strewn everywhere, I don’t notice how much dust has collected on the windowsills or hardwood floors. I mop and dust only to find clean floors make the slipcovers look dirty. I wash and iron the slipcovers, thinking I’m finally done, then discover a spot on the curtains, dust on the blinds and a suspicious sticky something three feet high on all the doorframes. Everything I clean shines a light on something that could be cleaner. It’s exhausting.
Back to the book. One of the beginning chapters talks about two types of housekeepers. The first needs everything to be spotless. Her house is immaculate, always ready for entertaining. She works hard to keep it that way and takes great pride in showing and sharing her home with others. Then there’s her neighbor who is so overwhelmed by keeping her home neat that she just can’t get it together. She tries really hard, but simply accepts that her house will be a perpetual mess as long as she lives there. According to the author, Cheryl Carter, these two ladies have one thing in common: they are both serving their homes rather than allowing their homes to serve them.
At the risk of sounding like a Brady, I never thought about it like that.
When I clean my house, I think I’m serving my guests, my husband, my family. And yes, I am doing that, but when the need for perfection in every corner consumes my time and energies, I’m not serving anyone but this dwelling. How many times have I made this clear to my children? “I can’t play until the laundry is done.” “We can’t have friends over until the house is clean.” “Do you see these dishes? I promise I’ll read to you after these are cleaned and put away.” I’ve become a slave to my house.
Don’t get me wrong. There are times when these chores need to be a priority. I just wonder if, perhaps, my intense battle over home management stems from serving the wrong master.
Rick went to a ballgame a couple weeks ago. He was out late, so I took the opportunity to make the house shine. Ten o’clock that night found me on hands and knees washing the bathroom floor. When is the last time I put forth that much determination in my devotions? Would I stay up to that hour to read my Bible? Or pray? Whom am I serving really?
The Big Cut
Alright, I know you’re waiting, so here it is.
And AFTER:
I’m not settled on what I think just yet.
Here’s why I’m happy:
- My head feels so much lighter!!
- I love change.
- I look more my age.
- I no longer have to put my hair up (in a knot or braid) before going to bed.
- My son likes it. He even thanked God last night for Mommy’s haircut! How precious is that? I’m now getting hugs without hesitation! I’m no longer greeted with a “Mommy, your hair. Yuck.” That’s kinda nice.
- My husband likes it. I think he likes change more than he’ll ever admit. Or maybe Worst Case Scenario Man expected me to come home with a shaved head and maybe a disfiguring scar across my face. One may never know …
- A full 11 1/2″ of my hair will help a cancer survivor, thanks to Pantene’s Beautiful Lengths campaign.
And here’s why I’m not thrilled:
- It’s not what I expected. Yes, it’s a layered cut, but this feels more like #1 than #5.
- It feels “inbetween.” I’d prefer it shorter or longer.
- My highlights are gone. The color feels drab. I almost grabbed some Kool-Aid last night to do some nifty bright red stripes. But then I remembered I’m 31. Oh, and we don’t have any Kool-Aid in this house. I may definitely resort to color soon — in spite of the firm warnings my stylist gave me. She said highlights are fine, but that I should avoid high-maintenance color until my kids are older. I may just be too impulsive to listen.
- My son keeps calling me a boy. I know three-year-old sons are not the most reliable sources of style and fashion, but still I don’t like being called a boy. He likes it; he just keeps proclaiming (with his charming smile) that I have “boy hair.”
For all you super observant people, yes, I am wearing the same shirt I wore for the makeover pictures. Think of it like Trading Spaces. They wear the same shirts two days in a row and they’re probably sweaty. Meanwhile, I wore this shirt three weeks apart. Doesn’t that make you happy?
And now I can’t deny the urge to quote: “My brains, his sword and your stength against sixty men and you think a little head jiggle is supposed to make me happy? Hmmm?” And there is another positive point about this hair! I can jiggle my head all day and my new ‘do never looks messed up. How cool is that?
Conquering Mom Guilt
It has been said we need to believe it all depends on God, but live like it all depends on us. But how do you separate what you think from how you act? Doesn’t our behavior stem directly from our beliefs?
All I know is the harder I work, the more I find I need to do. The house is never spotless, the laundry is never done and the children never run out of need for attention. And the more I place on myself, the worse I feel about myself. If my husband cleans, I feel like a horrible wife because he shouldn’t have to; I should have done it for him. If my kids are sad, it’s somehow my fault. If they use those puppy dog eyes to ask me to play more, then I feel like the worst mother ever, because if I were better, they would be satisfied and happy. My house is a mess because I’m a terrible homemaker and disorganized to boot. We have too much and do too little because I’m undisciplined. Worst of all, I want a cave all to myself, just an hour or so or peace and quiet to do what I want to do, but the fact that I want it so badly makes me feel selfish and ungrateful. For years I begged God to make me a mother, so why do I now long for a lazy, Saturday morning with just me and my husband? Shouldn’t I be happy? Shouldn’t I be content? A friend of mine, also a stay at home mom, once said she has never felt more fulfilled in all her life. Why don’t I feel that way?
Grace is an awesome thing, but it’s so difficult to accept. Especially when people tell you you’re only frustrated because you’re not doing things the right way. If you disciplined your children more consistently or organized your space more efficiently, if you managed your time more wisely, then you wouldn’t feel this way. But God gives us grace. He knows none of us is perfect and He loves us anyway. He blesses us anyway. The God Who Sees knows my every flaw and my every striving. He knows I’ll never be the stellar mother or exemplary wife I long to be. In spite of this, He still showers me with grace. He still loves me and blesses me and uses me to share His grace with others. All this is testimony to the breadth and width of His power, the immeasurable, unfathomable character He possesses. I stand in awe and boast in Him.
When I see Him as He really is, when I take my eyes off myself and those around me and focus soley on Him, then this mom guilt dissipates. I am confident whatever flaws I pass onto my children, whatever damage I cause, He is more than capable of correcting! And when He fixes all my messes, I can praise Him even more.
“But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
- 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 (NIV)
Announcements
Okay, I need to answer some questions around here.
About the ‘Do:
First, my appointment is set for this Thursday at 4:30 pm EST. I promise to post before and after pictures within 24 hours of the deed being done. Try to be patient, people.
Second, contrary to popular belief, I did NOT rig the contest!! My husband threatened (since he’s a computer genius and all), but he obviously didn’t rig it either or I would not be cutting my hair at all.
Third, I am taking with me pictures of the first and second place winners. I’m entrusting my hair to a professional. Whichever style she thinks will be best with my hair’s texture and thickness will be what actually gets done.
As to color, I really am interested in going dark, but this is where the compromise of marriage comes into play. While my husband does prefer brunettes (I am the one and only blonde he ever dated — and I won! Woo-hoo!), he doesn’t like change. I think a cut is enough for right now. Maybe I’ll go dark come winter.
About the job:
THANK YOU, THANK YOU for all of your encouraging comments, emails and prayers! I really, really appreciate it. Here’s the scoop. Barclays, a British investment bank, has purchased a portion of the now-bankrupted Lehman, including my husband’s job. We’re still not entirely sure what this means fully, but it does give us some job security.
No, we don’t have to move to England. Just because his boss is British doesn’t mean we have to be. And while moving to Europe would be a fun adventure, it’s not one I want to take right now. We’re planning to stay right where we are for a while. At least until God tells us otherwise.
So things are good. GOD is good!
Two last things …
Hop on over to MomBlogs and vote for me! Some of you have told me how you don’t feel comfortable writing about God or spiritual things on your own blogs, but you love sending people my way. This is how you can do that. I don’t get a prize or anything for having the most votes or positive reviews. I don’t want everyone to read my blog, just those who may benefit from it.
I want to get to know you better! If you’re on Facebook, click here to befriend me.
Elroi
Those of us who have been believers for a number of years can sometimes glaze over when reading the Bible. Been there, read that, already know the intended application. But sometimes a familiar passage can pop right off the page and open wide your eyes. (I almost said put toothpicks in your eyes, but I didn’t want to scare recent recipients of eye injuries. You’re welcome.) This morning just such a thing happened to me.
I’ve been reading through the Gospels. Yesterday Ellie climbed up on our bed before I had finished my quiet time. She wanted to read with me, so I read aloud a few chapters of Luke. This morning I re-read them to catch the morsels I didn’t catch with a beautiful four-year-old burrowed in my armpit asking “What happened next, Mama?”
Verse 20: “And turning His gaze on His disciples, He began to say …” This is the introduction to The Beatitudes. We all love to focus on the beatitudes because they promise blessings. Everyone wants a blessing. But this little half a sentence caught my attention this morning.
Jesus had just finished healing heaps of people and then He turned His gaze on His disciples. No wonder Hagar called Him Elroi, the God who sees. The blessings he spoke of are not meant for everyone. If they were, then the woes wouldn’t follow immediately after. Some will be blessed and some will be pitied. The amazing thing is Jesus knew. He still knows because He still sees. He didn’t just look at His disciples and make a speech. He turned His gaze toward them. He looked into their hearts, their struggles, they triumphs and their selfishness. He saw their strengths and their weaknesses and He spoke to them with such compassion. He wants to bless those who are poor and weak and downtrodden. He aches for those who bring trouble upon themselves with their pride and arrogance.
He is the God who sees. He sees everything. Knowing this, will we praise Him or fear Him? Hopefully a little of both.
New ‘Do Winner
Thank you to everyone who participated in this historic event! The winner of the You Choose My New ‘Do poll is … (drum roll, please!) …
# 5: Layered Bob!
This cut received 18 votes for 29% of the vote. (For those truly curious, as of 9:14pm on Thursday, 62 people had voted.)
Some of you were concerned that I had not consulted a professional before entrusting my golden locks to the whims of blog readers. Never fear! I plan to take the three top ranked cuts to a highly recommended stylist. I’m going to let her do what she thinks is best for my type and texture of hair. Also, if you’re still concerned, remember it grows back and know that I haven’t cried over a haircut since … um … well, I think it was middle school. And I’ve done plenty of drastic things since then. (Have I mentioned the green, orange and purple adventures? They were not the intentioned results. In fact, some so-called-friends still call me “Purp.”)
The second place winner … # 2: Posh Spice, which received 11 votes (18%). And in third place … #1: Layered Look with 10 votes (16%).
I’ll be posting before and after pictures of the actual results when the deed is done.
This was so much fun!! Any ideas for another poll with potentially drastic results?
MIA
Hey. I wanted to let you all know why I’ve been absent this week. If you’ve been watching the news at all, you’ve heard much about Lehman Brothers and the Wall Street choas. Well, my husband works for Lehman Brothers. At least he has for the past seven years. This week has been … eventful, to say the least. But I’ll be back to my regular blogging self in no time. In fact, tomorrow I’ll announce the “new ‘do” winner along with the date of The Big Cut.
For now I just want to share a couple verses with you.
“Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication
with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.
And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension,
will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
- Philippians 4:6-7 (NIV)
This peace that defies understanding, it’s tangible and kind of scary. When all this happened with Lehman Brothers, I wasn’t worried. In fact, I didn’t even think twice about it. I was and am so fully convinced that God is in control, that none of it fazed me. My husband lost his job, our sole source of income, and yet I wasn’t worried about a thing, not our mortgage or Ellie’s school payments or groceries or health insurance or anything. It was just another day with an awesome God at the reigns. Peace saturated my entire being. The peace was so overwhelming, it was almost frightening.
When the news broke, our phone started ringing off the hook. I received dozens of emails each day offering encouragement and prayer. Each person I spoke with was completely amazed at the peace God gave me. The more people I talked to, the more I started to freak out. If everyone else was worried, shouldn’t I be worried too? This is, after all, my life and my family. I should be the one most terrified by the possibilities and the reality surrounding me. All of a sudden panic and fear replaced the peace.
Why? The situation hadn’t changed.
But my perspective had. I took my eyes off God. Rather than focusing on Him, I started looking at the situation.
This incomprehensible peace is of God. No other explanation exists. But we canot possess it if our focus strays from Him. Let me encourage you to keep your eyes on God. Those around you may not understand how you can be so confident and at rest; you may not understand it yourself. But don’t take your eyes off Him. He is our Source of strength and peace. He the only thing worthy of our attention.
Book Blogger Appreciation Week
Imagine all your favorite books in the same room. Thow in a bunch of people who also love those same books. Oh, and some free gifts! Welcome to Book Blogger Appreciation Week.
It starts tomorrow! My Friend Amy is hosting and a ton of sites are participating by offering giveaways, contests, author interviews and more. If you love books, you need to check it out. Beginning on Wednesday winners will be announced in the “best book blog” categories. There are several categories!! This means a ton of new sites for you to discover. Are you excited yet?
Chick HERE for a list of what’s going to be given away (some GREAT gifts!) and click HERE for a list of who is giving stuff away. Then visit My Friend Amy throughout the week for all the happenings. Happy reading, y’all!!
Puddle Jumping
It rained much the first half of our vacation. We didn’t mind because the storms were mostly at night. You know the kind: a beautiful display of power and nature; the rhythmic pelting of raindrops against our roof and windows. We slept soundly. We woke to dozens of puddles. The private lanes that brought us there, rutted and narrow, were now spotted with reflecting pools. Zach was thrilled!
It was chilly, but having nothing else to do, we decided to walk the beach. This was the first time Zach had been to the ocean since he started walking. (You may remember he didn’t walk until the summer he turned two.) I was excited to see his reaction. He and Ellie were both delighted with every little treasure they found: rocks, shells, seaweed, sand. And then we reached the water’s edge.
Ellie, Rick and I went right for it, touching the cold surf with our toes, catching the ocean breeze on our faces. It was great! I turned around to find Zach ankle-deep in a puddle behind us. He laughed and splashed and ran back and forth through it. We stood on the edge of one of the earth’s largest bodies of water and yet Zach couldn’t care less. All he wanted was his puddle. And he was perfectly happy with it. He was content to be a puddle jumper.
My family is in Kentucky. You can’t fly there without taking a puddle jumper. You know, the little planes that barely seat twenty people. Why do we call them “puddle jumpers?” They never get too high and are never in the air for too long. They just go from one small thing to another. That was Zach, jumping from one small thing to another.
I watched him delight in his puddle with the whole ocean just steps away. We urged him to try it, just get a little closer. We knew he would absolutely love it, but he resisted. He was comfortable with what he had already found.
I have two thoughts on this. First, sometimes it’s really good to be content. We don’t always need that bigger house or the more expensive clothes. We don’t always need to dive into something new. The ocean can be dangerous, especially for a little guy who hasn’t yet learned to swim. The tides can pull you in and under before you know it. Sometimes it’s best to be thrilled with a puddle.
But sometimes we are so content with our puddles — our little, comfortable belongings and lifestyles — that, even though we’re standing right next to it, we never jump in the ocean. We never take the risk and, as a result, we miss out on something so much greater.
So, what is God calling you to do? Is He asking you to be a joyous puddle-jumper? Or is He trying to show you the ocean? Is He, like a loving father, promising His protection and guidance if you’ll only jump in?
You Choose My New ‘Do!
As promised, today I’m hosting the first ever “In the Dailies” poll! Yay!! I know, the crowd goes wild. Well, as Monica recently stated so well, “this is a mommy blog, meaning you are all subject to the most mundane aspects of my life.” But today, I’m including you in the mundane aspects of my life!
It’s time for a haircut. I haven’t had one in a year. In fact, I’ve only had my hair cut twice in the three years since Zach was born. The problem is I can’t decide how to get it cut. So I’m going to let you choose.
This is what I look like now.
I’m not unhappy with my look, but I’m ready for something new. Below are some options and you can vote for your favorite. Or just vote to keep it the same. Here are some things to consider:
- Rick likes long hair, and it’s always important to keep the husband happy. *grin*
- I like change, especially in my style. I tend to be a bit drastic with my hair, and Rick is used to this. (In the 13 years we’ve known each other, my hair has been long, short, straight, curly, blonde, brown, red, auburn, green, purple and striped (with cherry Kool-Aid – that was fun!). Not much would shock him.)
- I’m a little self-conscious about my forehead. (I’ve been told it looks like a drive-in movie theatre.)
- I’m a mom and a low-maintenance chick. In other words, my time and motivation are limited. I don’t mind taking a few extra minutes to look great for a date or special events, but for day-to-day purposes, I need a ‘do that can look decent in less than 15 minutes.
Okay! One last warning and then onto the makeovers: these photos are perfectly unscrapbookable. Up to this point, I’ve cheated with ‘Fro Me to You. Sorry! I’m a scrapbooker and I scrap everything. And I mean everything. But today I’m truly working within the essence of the carnival. The following photos will never, ever see the inside of a photo album.
There are some great virtual makover tools, but most of them cost money. However, if you do a Google search, you can find a number of free ones as well. They usually limit your use until you purchase a membership, but I found the free version met my needs just fine. These first three looks are courtesy of InStyle.
Option #1: Layered something-or-other. (Obviously, I’m not up on my hairstyling lingo.) It’s cute and different, but my hair is pretty fine. Too fine for this look?
If you like this, vote #1: Layered Look.
Option #2: A fresh bangs-all-over look. For someone who typically hates bangs, I’m surprised how much I like this. However, I know Mr. Rick would still love me and say I look great, but also know he would miss my long locks.
If you like this vote #2: Bangs All Over.
Option #3: Taken directly from the head of Victoria Beckham. It’s angled, artsy and funky. Again, it’s probably too short for my husband’s seal of approval, but I think it looks pretty spicy. (Get it?)
If you like this best, vote #3: Posh Spice.
And now for makeovers from the second great site I found: iVillage.
Option #4: Here’s another celebrity look, this one taken from Jennifer Lopez. I don’t know how recent this look is for her, but I kinda like it. It’s relatively simple. It’s not too drastic a change and still looks long, even if it’s not. (A plus for my mister.)
If you like this one, vote #4: J. Lo’s Flip.
Option # 5: This may be my favorite, but I’m not sure if I can pull it off. What do you think? It’s kind of a rounded bob with some light layers. It has enough body to make up for the missing length, but will this be too high maintenance?
If this is your favorite, vote #5: Layered Bob.
Okay, now we’re just getting crazy short.
Option # 6: Pixie Variation. Let’s be serious: I’m not going to get this cut.
If you want to vote for it anyway (who knows? Maybe you’ll change my mind!), vote for # 6: Pixie Variation.
Option # 7: A straight blunt cut with some color. I may have experimented a lot, but I’ve never gone really dark. This might be fun! I like the cut, but am thinking the fringe in my face would drive me crazy. Might be investing in lots of barrettes.
If you think this is the best ‘do for me, vote for # 7: Dark Blunt Cut.
If you like the color (or would like to recommend another) but prefer a different cut, let me know in the comments section.
So, place your votes!
The poll will be open for one week. I’ll announce the winner on Friday, September 18th. And then, of course, I’ll post pictures after the deed is done. Should I be nervous?
Oh! One last picture. Just have to show you which hair Ellie liked best. Of course it’s a wedding ‘do!
Isn’t it lovely? For more totally unscrappable memories, visit We Are THAT Family.
