Courtin’ Candle

Look what my adorable husband brought home for me last night.

It’s not our anniversary or my birthday; we haven’t had a fight recently. It’s just one of those no reason gifts. Aren’t they beautiful? He actually handed them to me with an apology: “I’m sorry I haven’t gotten you flowers in a while.” You have to understand, when he says “a while” he means a month or two. Yup, I’ve got a keeper.

Here’s a picture of us almost eleven years ago.

This was back when I was embarrassed to be pictured as a “couple.” We were practically engaged, and I was madly in love, but still felt awkward making it so official. Especially when rude people like my roommate would take pictures without warning.

Ah, and here we are when someone actually told us a picture was being taken.

It’s nice not having me look like a hyena or Rick looking like he’s terrified of his future.

See the candle? Let me tell you about it. I grew up in a very rural area of Indiana, not too far from a rather large Amish community. My mother loved learning about their culture and enjoying their food and crafts. (The rehearsal dinner for our wedding was actually held on an Amish farm.) This was way before Beverly Lewis made it popular. Yeah, Mom liked Amish before Amish were cool. *grin* Anyway, Mom found this “courtin’ candle” and quickly made it a tradition in our family.

Now, don’t quote me on this because we may have heard the story wrong, but, as I understand it, a father would set out this candle when boys came to court his daughter. The base of the candle is a spiral with a wooden center that can be twisted up or down to raise and lower the candle resting inside. The young suitor could stay until the candle burned down to the top of the spiral. So, if the father liked the boy, he would raise the candle to give this fella a nice long visit. If he didn’t, the candle was lowered to make the date short and the father’s feelings obvious.

The first picture was taken the first time my mother met Rick. Unfortunately, the candle kept falling out of the holder when she cranked it up. We did the best we could.

Almost eleven years later we’re still together and still crazy in love. He still buys me flowers for no reason.

I am often hesitant to broadcast the success of our marriage. I don’t want to be prideful or arrogant; I don’t want to brag. I know so many people who are hurting, friends whose marriages are falling apart or held together by a string and single friends who long to have a husband or wife. I always feel mentioning how happy I am may seem like rubbing it in their faces. That’s not my intention at all! And I really hope no one takes it that way. Sometimes I just need to shout how great marriage can be!

I’ve had many people ask me what our secret is. I never know quite how to answer because I don’t believe there is just one secret. Communication, unwavering commitment, encouragement and trust all play a part. Sharing the same faith and same sense of humor are also huge factors. Accepting and forgiving one another even when you know the worst parts of each other. In other words, it takes work! There is a lot of advice I could give couples, but my advice is actually for parents: pray for your kids and their future spouses.

My mother prayed for Rick before she knew his name, even before I was interested in boys. She prayed my whole childhood for the man I would one day marry and she continues to pray for our marriage every single day. The same is true of my mother-in-law. She prayed for me for years before we met and she still prays for us now.

“The prayer of a person living right with God is something powerful to be reckoned with. Elijah, for instance, human just like us, prayed hard that it wouldn’t rain, and it didn’t—not a drop for three and a half years. Then he prayed that it would rain, and it did. The showers came and everything started growing again.”
James 1:16-17 (The Message)

Pray for your spouses. Pray for your kids. Pray for your kids’ future spouses. There is no limit to what God can do! By praying you can be part of it.

For more trips down Memory Lane visit We Are That Family for the ‘Fro Me to You Carnival.