Daily Archives: March 13, 2008

Something pretty amazing happened this week: I remembered. With momnesia running rampant through the corridors of my brain, this is worth celebrating. So, what did I remember? (Don’t tell me I’ve already forgotten it again!) I remembered Gary Chapman’s book The Five Love Languages.

Have you read this book? If you haven’t, you should. I know it’s pink and purple; you can handle it. Hide the cover behind your Wall Street Journal, if you need to. Just read it.

Rick and I read it together during our engagement. We loved the wisdom and practical tips it contains for strengthening relationships. I’ve recommended it, even given copies of it to friends and family throughout the years. But remembering that I benefited from the book doesn’t equal remembering what it said.

Here’s a quick run-down. There are five basic love languages: gifts, quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service and physical touch. Everyone has a primary love lanugage, a way in which they give and receive love most easily. If you want those whom you love to know that you love them, you need to speak their love language to tell them. In other words, you may be showering your spouse with thoughtful gifts to show them your love, but if they “speak” quality time, your efforts aren’t making their point.

I have been pouring my energy into quality time and words of affirmation. I’m constantly telling my kids and my husband how much I love them and appreciate them. I get specific about why I love them and which of their attributes I’m most thankful for. I spend hours playing and reading books, singing songs and planning activities we can do together. I know Rick likes the house clean, but I’ve been so busy spending time with him and the kids, I never get caught up on the laundry and the dishes usually pile high before they get done. I rationalize. Our place isn’t dirty; it’s just not straightened. Besides, a house only stays so clean with two preschoolers anyway. My work is undone in five minutes flat. He understands that – right?

I’ve spent the last couple weeks trying to re-gain focus, to re-learn what my priorities should be. I haven’t been on the computer much (Obviously! It’s been almost three weeks since my last post.) and I’ve been making a conscious effort to be a better wife and mother. Two days ago I spent half an hour of earnest time cleaning the house before Rick got home from work. His response was unbelievable! You would think I had gone to the moon and back for him. To me, it wasn’t a big deal. To him, it was huge. He felt relaxed, happy, loved. All because I took some time to serve him, to love him in the language he reads best. The payday rippled through the next morning. I couldn’t believe it. But I’ll tell you this much: I’m working hard to be consistent now that I know how much this means to him.

So, here’s my admonition for you. If you haven’t read the book, get it and read it. If you have read the book, remember what it says and what a difference it can make in your relationships. Figure out how best to show those in your life that you care for them. You won’t regret it.