Monthly Archives: October 2007
An audience of One
Hey, all! Thank you for your prayers and kind encouragement while I was sick. I am feeling MUCH better — still not 100%, but I’m getting there. 
Yesterday the kids and I went to the mall. The last thing I wanted to do was make three separate lunches, as is our custom after Isabel gets home from school. After all, she, like me, is a nut for dairy, which, of course, Zachary can’t have. I always eat after they go to bed so — three lunches. Chicken or turkey for him, grilled cheese or pasta for her and a salad for me. Anyway, yesterday I didn’t feel like our usual routine, so I took the kids to the mall. Johnny Rockets. It was fun! But being at the mall, we certainly couldn’t just eat; we had to walk around a bit, too. First the pet store, then the toy store … then Mommy’s toy store: Williams Sonoma.
In this particular mall, Williams Sonoma is right next to an anchor store. This means there is a large open space in front of it. A few benches, trees planted in large pots and a small stage. Typically it holds seasonal decorations or someone playing piano. Yesterday it was just a big open platform. Isabel was immediately drawn to it.
“Mommy, I want to sit on this table!”
“It’s not a table, honey. It’s a stage. People sing and dance on it.”
Her eyes grew large and her face lit up, as if she had just discovered her purpose in life. Zachary couldn’t take the excitement sitting down. Before I knew it, he was out of the stroller and climbing right up there with her. The place was empty — it was Thursday afternoon — so I let them go.
Zach and Ellie stood straight, took deep breaths and belted out the sweetest version of “Jesus Loves Me,” their little voices testing the acoustics. A few people, all smiles, stopped to listen. A round of applause greeted the end of their song. My kids bowed low then launched into “Deep and Wide.”
Watching them, I was filled with joy and an odd incomprehension. They held no intimidation. No inhibitions. I seriously doubt they considered which song would be best received by their audience. Or maybe they already knew who their audience was — an audience of One.
I’m insecure even without being on stage in a mall. Even sitting in the back of a church of 3000, I temper my worship. I worry if I’m singing too loud or off-key. If I close my eyes, will I forget the words? If I raise my hands, will other people be watching? What will they think?
My children sang like David. Remember David dancing through the streets praising God? (2 Samuel 6) I can easily see my kids worshiping God the same way. Me? I’m more like David’s wife, Michal. Do you remember her response? She reprimanded David for embarrassing himself and her. She felt a king should never behave that way. Even at his wife’s condemnation, David wasn’t ashamed. In fact, he promised to dance even more for the glory of God and the humility of himself. “He must increase, but I must decrease.” John 3:30 (NAS)
May I become more like David, worshiping with abandon. May all I see and imagine blur until all I see is Him. Then may I belt it out knowing my audience of One is as enamored with me and I am with my children.
Not writing; not in a coma
James Watkins said, in Writers on Writing, “Unless you’re on life-support, you can write.” He, after double-hernia surgery, completed a book project “with two ice packs down [his] pants.” Well, I’m happy for him and I appreciate his point, but … well, he’s wrong. Okay, at least not completely right.
I have been sick for the last two days. The cool thing is I actually completed more writing since becoming sick than I had in the entire two weeks previous. (Chalk up a point for the Mr. Watkins.) However, I accomplished that only because I can’t do anything else. My head pounds if I stand up. There’s nothing on tv during the day. My amazing husband has removed all distractions, otherwise known as Isabel, Zach, laundry and dishes. (Thank you, Rick!!) So, yes, I’ve gotten something done, but is it any good?
I’ve got about ten minutes before my brain checks out again, yielding to “medicine head”. My body will slump, undeciferable among the pillows, and I’ll drift off into some … Argh. There it goes. Vocabulary is gone. All I write this week will require serious edits next week.
Dare I strive for a point while surrounded by this cloud? Why not.
What I’ve noticed, since becoming couch/bed-ridden, is how low writing has been on my priority list. If God has called me to write, why am I not doing it more passionately? More consistently? If I truly believe this is the job He has given me, why am I not working at it wholeheartedly? Why do I turn off the computer to watch the Yankees? Why do I spend so much time on laundry when I could just buy less clothes? That’s a double time saver! No shopping, no clothes to wash. Perfect! I spent hours making caramel corn for the school bake sale. I could have just bought prepackaged cookie dough and accomplished the same purpose (to raise money for the school) in less time and less energy.
Yes, I say I’m a writer. Yes, I claim to be obeying His call, but in reality, I’m just sitting on it. I’m waiting for a word from an editor or two. I’m waiting for the right opportunity to surface. I’m waiting for more time. Guess what — all this is just rationalization for my procrastination. Procrastination is delayed obedience. Delayed obedience is disobedience.
So my question to you is this: what is keeping you from fully obeying God? Has He given you a job to do? Are you doing it?
God told me to write. Unless I’m in a coma, I need to be writing something, even if it’s just a little something, every single day. He’s given me a lot to do. I can’t have Him return to books of blank pages.
(By the way, I mean no criticism to Jim Watkins’ book. I’m a third through and so far it’s been great.)
