Monthly Archives: May 2007
I’m a writer.
This morning I sat in the dentist’s chair waiting for the Novocain to take effect. The cute little hygienist felt like talking. “So, what do you do?”
Without a moment’s hesitation, I responded: “I’m a writer.” There was no intimidation or embarrassment, no fear, just a solid answer.
My confidence startled me. I’ve never said that before! I have been a published author for nine months and have never told anyone I’m a writer. Usually my what-do-you-do answer is all about the kids. “I’m a stay-at-home mom. I love scrapbooking!” Eventually, if the questioner keeps probing, I stammer a quick “I like to write when the kids are napping.” But today, I didn’t even think about it. I didn’t falter. It was clear and spoken: I am a writer.
I’ve hesitated in the past because of personal doubts. Am I any good? Is this really what I should be doing with my time? What is this person going to think if I claim to be something I’m not sure I am? Not any more. Let me tell you why.
Last week was the Blue Ridge Christian Writers Conference in North Carolina. I was fortunate to attend. It was an amazing experience! I highly recommend it to everyone who writes. If you want to write full-time, as a hobby, or if you’re not sure what you’re doing with your writing … it doesn’t matter. You’ve got to go. If not this conference, go to another one like it. In five short days my life as a writer was solidified. God used this week to affirm His call on me and my writing. I’m not intimidated anymore. I’m not scared or playing “catch-up”. I am right where God wants me — and sure of it! I was encouraged and challenged. It was an amazing experience.
So what is a writers conference? Well, it is many things. First and foremost, it is where people in publishing come together: writers, editors, agents, publishers, publicists. Everyone rubs shoulders, gathers in worship (at Christian conferences), shares meals and fellowship. Secondly, there are classes. The bigger the conference, the more classes there are available. This conference has around 400 people in attendance. Third, there are opportunities to meet one-on-one with people in the industry. As a writer, you can pitch ideas to them and see if they are interested in your projects. It’s a way of skipping the “slush” pile and getting tips on your work from the experts. Finally, it’s a break. It’s dedicated, undivided attention for your writing. You all know about my life. With two young kids, home, family and church responsibilities, I don’t get many days to focus on just my writing. My time and energies are deeply divided. Removing all those interruptions allowed me to hear that still, small Voice and know His purposes for my writing. It offered validity to this passion and confirmation of my calling.
Whether or not you’re a writer, doubts may plague you. You may wonder why you’re doing what your doing, if you should be doing it at all. You may wonder about your value. I can’t answer your doubts, but I know the One who can.
Take time to escape every day life. Close out all distractions until you can hear Him and know Him. When you find Him, go to where He is. Then you need not worry about anything else. It doesn’t matter if I’m a good writer or not, because being good is not my job. Obeying God and doing what He tells me to do, that’s my job. I want to do it to the very best of my ability, but the results are in His hands. It’s not my responsibility to get published or make people like me or my work. If that’s what God wants, He’ll take care of it. I just have to make sure I’m ready for whatever He is going to do. Ready and waiting, I’ll watch. It’s sure to be a great show! And the same is true for you. Be the best parent you can be. God will take care of the kids. Be the best administrative assistant you can. God will offer you favor in the eyes of your boss, if that’s what He wants. The results are not up to us — they’re up to God. All we need to do is obey.
So, you may be wondering what the results were of my conference. Well, they are the lesser of my concerns — My first priority is to stay in the center of God’s will — but I will tell you: two publishers have requested book proposals. I also received invitations to query a number of magazines with articles. It’s very exciting! I have no idea where this will go, but … God does.
Having the time of my life!
Hey folks! Well, I finally figured out how to access the internet here in the hills of North Carolina. I am still at Blue Ridge Christian Writers Conference and having the time of my life. So many have told me the significant value of conferences such as these. I never doubted their wisdom, but I didn’t understand fully until coming here. This is truly amazing!
I wish I could adequately describe for you the encouragement I have received in just a few short days. Every part of me is overflowing with the knowledge that God has brought me to this place for such a time as this. I am unworthy, yet oh-so grateful! I’ll fill you all in more when I get home. In the meantime, please know I appreciate your prayers immensely! God has made very clear that He is in this. He has confirmed this is what I need to be doing for Him right now through those I have met here. The faculty has been fabulous. The people endearing. I even met a great band of good-ol‘ Southern boys. (Be sure to check out their site: www.Testify.org) I feel somewhere in between Heaven and high school youth group. People are crazy-fun, spiritually challenging, intellectually brilliant and just plain wonderful. We have prayed together, worshipped together, worked together, eaten together and even done danced together over a simple cup of Starbucks. I am already looking forward to my next conference. It is absolutely awesome to travel to a place not knowing anyone and yet instantly be embraced by family! This is the family of God and I’m in love.
I apologize if this seems cryptic. It’s not meant to be. I just cannot yet adequately tell of the depths of all I have experienced this week. I’ll be home by Friday. I’ll tell you all more after then.
Oh, by the way, I have pitched my book to a few people and received some wonderful feedback — constructive criticism as well as positive interest — so I am greatly encouraged with this project. I’ll keep you posted with the progress.
Here I Go
This morning Ellie asked to have a lollipop for breakfast.
“No, honey. You can’t have sugar for breakfast. It’s not good for you.” She left the kitchen, and I feasted on peanut M&Ms.
Not until we had kids did I realize how frequently my words do not match my actions. And it’s not just about food or sleep or saying nice things about people. It’s about a healthy parent-child relationship. The expectations I have on her should be followed by me – even more so because my parent, my heavenly Father, is God. I expect Isabel to obey the first time, yet I hem and haw and even argue at God’s instructions. I am embarrassed to admit: I live a life of double standards.
This is the premise behind a book I plan to pitch at the Blue Ridge Christian Writers Conference this week. Similar in style to much of what I write here, the book challenges believers to take an objective look at their relationship with God the Father. How are we doing? Are we living up to standard? Or do we demand more respect for ourselves than we are willing to give our Father, our Creator?
This is my first writers conference. I feel overwhelmed, completely out of my league. I am confident God has brought me this far and He will take me the rest of the way. That said, I covet your prayers. Pray I will wait upon His timing and follow His lead always. Pray I will cling tight to Him knowing He is true.
Here I go. I’ll see you when I get back.
Undercover Reasons
We’re having our carpets replaced today. We were told there are hardwood floors on the first level, but we’ve been hesitant to unveil them. People cover things for a reason.
Redoing this house has been an adventure. The previous owners covered everything. Each room was plastered with different wallpaper, usually some textured version featuring various colors splattered or splashed in every direction. The floors were carpeted, again different colors for each room. You could see five from one spot. When we bought the house, we thought it was just cosmetics. Everything seemed to be in great condition, just not our style. Nothing a little paint and elbow grease couldn’t fix – right? Well …
We’ve found two holes under wallpaper. I’m not talking nail holes or spots where screw anchors were stripped from the wall. I’m talking actual holes – you could pass things through them. One was about the size of a man’s fist, the other about the size of my head. Both large enough you can’t fix them with just spackle. It took grafting; cutting the hole bigger before we could make it better.
In another room the walls simply crumbled when we removed the paper. Fixing that took a contractor, major destruction and rebuilding from scratch. It’s so great to have a fresh start with brand new walls, but it took an investment and a headache we had not anticipated.
But today, as they stripped the old carpet and padding, I was shocked. Beautiful oak steps stared back at me. Why would they cover that?! They hid something wonderful, colorful and smooth under something ugly, grey and rough.
People do cover things for a reason, but only they and God know what the reason is.
We want to make things better. We put on make-up and designer clothes. We learn the words and ways to convince people we are what we want to be, but looking better doesn’t make us better. Our thoughts may be just as dark as the neighbor we’ve condemned. We smile to cover the holes in our hearts.
Other times we’re just scared. We put on rags because we’re afraid. We think if people know what we really are, they’ll not like us anymore. We hide behind what other people think of us or what we think of ourselves. Covering our true selves feels safer.
Only God can heal our holes. Only He can offer us security. He made us as we are for a reason. He wants us to shine in His light. He wants to make us whole and perfect. The challenge is letting Him.
We have to take off our coverings and let Him renew us; let Him fill the voids and restore our natural beauty. It may hurt. It may require some destruction and rebuilding. It will definitely take time. But it will be worth it! Imagine the beautiful haven that will result … Safe. Secure. Strong and beautiful.
I’m stuck in a book!!
So, I would love to post something wonderful for you today, but it’s just not going to happen. I am completely absorbed in a novel. In less than three days I have devoured almost four hundred pages — a pretty impressive task considering the two tots at my knee. My house is even clean! Can you believe it? Were I a witness, I’d swear Super-Mom truly existed. But, alas, I have no cape.
Band-aids
A loud thud sounded above my head, louder than should be expected. The kids were playing in Isabel’s room. When I arrived both of them sat on her bed, big smiles across their faces. The bedside table was overturned and a lamp wedged between it and the wall. “What happened?”
Isabel spoke first. “Zach did it.” Zach was on the opposite side of the bed.
As I cleaned up the mess, they both moved closer. “I love you, Mommy!” Isabel’s voice dripped with sugar and manipulation.
Zach wiggled his little fingers on my back. “Tickle, tickle, tickle!”
Band-aids. They weren’t really sorry, but they knew they were in trouble, so they cover up the wrong with a nice coat of cute and sweet.
Have you ever done that? Of course. We all have! The human race excels at manipulation. With the right amount of effort and creativity, we can put a positive slant on just about anything. But God is not taken in by our tricks. He sees through our band-aids. He knows exactly what happened; what we’ve done. He doesn’t want sugar-coated flattery. He wants obedience, and when that is lacking, He wants confession. By trying to cover it up, make it look better, we are actually making the situation worse. We’ve injured ourselves with wrong-doing and instead of seeking help, we pile on infection.
The good news is we don’t have to heal our wrongs on our own. Our sins cause deep and fatal wounds, but Jesus Christ, by His death and resurrection, created the ultimate band-aid for us. It doesn’t just cover; it heals. It forgives. All it takes is confession. Easy as that. A soothing kiss from our Savior and all is better.
Let me encourage you. If you have an area of your life you’ve simply been trying to hide, confess it to the Lord. Only He can heal our manipulative hearts.
“If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” – John 1:9 (NIV)
It could be worse.
Zach was delighted throwing Isabel’s toys in his new-found wonderland! Fortunately, the toilet was freshly cleaned. And it could be worse … I recently read of a mom who found her three-year-old son applying her chapstick to the cat’s butt. I’ll take splashing in a clean toilet any day!
Small victories lead to great joy!
For months I have been struggling with two issues: re-learning how to cook and dealing with developmental delays. Both relate directly to our son. Without intention my struggles have found me secretly blaming him (sometimes not so secretly), when it is not his fault! Isabel was soooooooo easy compared to Zach. He has had skin problems, sleeping problems, back-to-back ear infections, food allergies, bronchitis … Parents never want to compare their kids, but sometimes it just happens. But sometimes little victories come and then the joy that results can saturate a soul. This week we had two major victories in both areas of struggle.
Zach is highly allergic to all components of whole milk (this includes all dairy and a ton of other stuff that uses parts of dairy products), eggs and peanuts. Food allergies are noted on a numeric scale. Anything over three is considered “severe”. Zach’s levels are closer to fourteen. The problem is I LOVE dairy!! I love eggs!! Finding food that have neither has been a true challenge for me. It wasn’t such a big deal when he was younger; I just made different food for him than the rest of us. But now he notices and is quite bothered when he doesn’t eat the same as the rest of us. Thus my struggle of re-learning how to cook. This week’s victories? I found Zach-friendly ice cream cones (he can’t eat ice cream, but there are soy alternatives and some sorbets are okay) AND a Zach-friendly recipe for chicken pot pie!! YEAH!! I’m so excited. Praise God for learning curves. I didn’t have to figure this all out in one day — He has eased me into over the past 18 months and counting.
And my other victory for this week really is not mine at all. I’m just a witness, but a very happy one! Zach is walking!!! I cannot tell you how exciting this is. As of today, he is twenty-one months. He officially took his first happy steps last week. Now he’s walking just about everywhere. Not terribly fast, but he gets the job done. I’m thrilled! Over the past six months we have been through state evaluations, neurologist appointments, multiple developmental planning meetings and finally a ton of physical therapy — most of which Zach endured with an ear-piercing scream. This morning his therapist emerged from their session with a huge smile on her face. “He tried stairs!” She even said we can cut back the frequency of our sessions. He has to master stairs before we’re “allowed” to stop therapy all-together. The goal is to have him there before he turns two in August. The end is in sight and my heart is overflowing.
Saturday morning
Indecision runs through the veins of this family. Rick and I will make a choice on paint colors or furniture and shortly thereafter take turns complaining about the result. Isabel will ask for French toast, take two bits and proclaim she wants pancakes instead. Zach is probably the most consistent of us all and even he has moments of choice remorse.
Saturday mornings reveal the pinacle display: breakfast. Being New Yorkers — okay, so technically we’re in Jersey, but our hearts are still in New York – right? Well, some of the time. Saturday mornings personify this indecision in the form of bagels (the New York side of us) or Panera (the Jersey side of us).
This weekend was no different. Rick deferred to me. I deferred to him. Meanwhile we were both starving. Finally, I obnoxiously told him: “Fine. I want eggs Benedict, a Belgian waffle with strawberries and some orange juice.”
Isabel piped up: “I want blueberries and lemonade!”
Half an hour later, Rick returned with exactly that: a huge order of eggs, waffles, hashbrowns, and a huge “short stack” of blueberry pancakes. I was shocked! And overwhelmed by my good fortune. God has blessed me such a good man! Who knew IHOP had take-out?
Even in my obnoxious states, Rick still exceeds my expectations. He goes out of his way to show me he loves me. How much more must God love us?? I am amazed and in awe of the possibilities.
Meanwhile, Isabel complained: “Where’s my lemonade?”
