Monthly Archives: April 2007
Death to a 3-year-old
No one likes to talk about death. It’s certainly not on the list of hot topics for toddlers. But sometimes we have to do what we don’t like to do. Sometimes we have to talk about less than pleasant things. This has been our case.
Windsor, the beloved family pet, has passed. He joined my in-laws’ family long before I did. He was a wonderful dog; a beautiful golden retriever with the sweetest temperament. Sure, he drove us crazy at times with hair everywhere, loud barking and drool, but we all loved him, whether we admitted it or not. The kids, of course, grew attached to him. They have never known Grandma and Grandpa’s house without Windsor. Isabel rarely went near him, but she always looked forward to seeing him … from a distance.
Grandma and Grandpa live more than an hour away and so the kids still haven’t experienced their house without Windsor. Regardless, we have tried to explain his death. It seems to keep coming up in conversation. How do you explain death to a toddler? We don’t want to scare them or provide negative connotations. We also don’t want to lie to them. I decided long ago I would never (intentionally) lie to the kids. I hated being told silly stories as a kid. I just wanted to know the truth! So … on to explaining death to a three-year-old.
I tried using a timeline. There is a beginning and an end to life. The beginning is when we are born, and the end is when we die. Windsor came to the end. That didn’t seem to sink in much because Isabel kept asking if his eye was better. (He had been having troubles with a droopy eye last time we saw him.)
Then I tried the old and sick trick. He was very, very old and very, very sick. I was concerned this might tumble into another ‘old bubbles’ type conversation, but it didn’t. She just insisted we take him to the doctor because “doctors make everyone feel better!”
I decided to simply say he was “gone.” Our ever-inquisitive Ellie asked about Grandma and Grandpa. They must be so sad and lonely. “When is he coming back?”
Eventually, I gave up. She’ll figure it out when we visit them again and he’s not there.
As we were driving to church, a definitive voice from the back seat proclaimed: “Mom, Windsor is dead.”
I wasn’t quite sure how to respond. She seemed so unemotional and matter-of-fact about it. “Yes, honey, he is.”
Isabel continued. “But he didn’t die on a cross. Jesus died on a cross.”
“Yup, that’s right.” Could the death of a dog lead a toddler to understanding salvation?
“But Jesus isn’t on a cross anymore!” She conversed a bit more about Windsor being dead and Jesus not and then sang “Jesus Loves Me” in a wonderfully loud rendition. Who would think explaining something so difficult could result in such a beautiful understanding? We’re all going to miss that dog. I thank God for the time we had him, but I thank Him more for allowing Windsor’s death which helped a little girl understand His life.
I give her to You one more time …
Isabel is three. On the east coast, this translates as “time to start school.” She’s going to be great. She’s a social butterfly who loves new adventures. She loves to learn. She’ll be fantastic! I have no doubt of this. My question is about me. How will I do with this?
She seems like such a baby! My firstborn, the child I begged and suffered for has come, and now she’s going. Wasn’t she just given to me yesterday? How can she be old enough for school? Some days I would give just about anything for a moment of silence. Her incessant questioning and story-telling can get really irritating, but … oh, the thought of silence is now terrifying me. I am mourning the days I wasted; regretting my sometimes harsh tongue and exasperated sighs.
Have I done my job? Have I prepared her for the world? These seem such silly questions when talking about a three-year-old, and yet they feel valid to me. No longer will her father and I be the sole influences in her life. We won’t be micro-managing every moment. We won’t be able to filter every new experience or piece of information. She’ll be learning from other kids who learned from their parents whom I don’t know. She’ll be bringing home stories I’ve never heard and phrases I can’t trace. Sometimes homeschool sounds grand.
No, no … we’ve been over this. I need the kids to go to school! Not just be educated, but GO to school. I want some one-on-one time with Zach and the occasional time for myself. We want our children to learn from others! We want them to be exposed to people and authorities outside our family … cultures, people, languages, thoughts and ideas. These are all good things. So, why am I struggling so? Why is letting go so hard for me?
To make matters worse, we’re really only considering two preschools. What’s the big deal? Both are of solid Christian heritage. They’re both filled with wonderful teachers and curriculums. Both are close to home. So, why can’t I just pick one? Registration deadlines are looming and here I am paralyzed on the verge of tears.
One more time … Dear Lord, these kids are not mine. They are yours. Help me to trust You fully. Help me to give them back to you each day. You alone can protect them perfectly. When they are out of my house and out of my reach, they are never out of Your grasp. Thank you for loving them more than I do. Thank you for preparing in advance the good works you will do in and through them. Help me to rest them in Your will. Isabel means “consecrated to God.” Father, we gave her to You before she was even born. We dedicated her to you again with her name. Help me to give her to you again. Again and again and again …
Ellie-isms for April
Well, it’s been about a month since the last installment of “Ellie-isms”. This is quickly becoming a regular post! Soon we’ll have to add a counterpart for “Zach Attacks.” As he learns to speak, my list of quotes for him is sure to grow.
In the meantime, our daughter is just hysterical. People are always telling me: “You must laugh all the time!” Fortunately, I can answer: “Yes, I do.” There are days these kids have me pulling out my hair, but on most days, God grants me the ability to see humor in the chaos of toddlers. And without further ado, here are the April Ellie-isms.
“It’s just a worm.” Always spoken with disappointment, usually after passing gas on the toilet. I think she means to say “false alarm”.
Me: “There is toilet paper all over the floor! Why did you take it off the roll?”
Ellie: “’cause I want to be a pirate.” … as if that explains everything!
“Why you say ‘no’ all day long?”
Me: “Do you need all those tissues? Why are you taking them out of the box.”
Ellie: “That’s why my soccer ball is dirty.” Again, I have no idea what she was talking about, but she said it with absolute conviction and confidence … I just let her keep taking tissues!
Ellie: “Mommy, say ‘Ah-choo.’”
Me: “Aaah-Choo!!”
Ellie: “I not blessing you! ha ha ha ha ha ha …”
CCBR awarded again!
The Christian Children’s Book Review has been given another Litty Award! A few weeks ago we were named “Best Christian Litblogger” and just today we were named “Best Kidlit Litblogger”. If you haven’t been over to CCBR yet, be sure to check it out. I, along with four other writer-moms, review what’s available in Christian children’s literature. Our objective is to help parents find the best reading materials for their kids — even if ordering online.
Old Bubbles and Icky Pop-Pops
Isabel was playing with bubbles this morning. I love bubbles. They’re always a huge hit with the kids and so low maintenance. Well, something happened – I don’t remember what, but I do remember it required disciplinary action. I took the bubbles away from Ellie. She, of course, threw a fit. The rule in our house: if you disobey, you lose privileges. Today bubbles were a privilege.
I intended to put the small bottle out of reach, but as I took it from her, I noticed the bottle was actually empty. Instead of putting it up high like we normally do with similarly forfeited toys, I put it in the garbage. This sent Isabel into hysterics. It didn’t make sense to me until I heard her through sobbing hiccups: “Are the bubbles old?”
Old? Well, this brings on a whole new subject. Her statement made sense to me, but I’m sure it doesn’t to you, so let me explain. With two toddlers, hidden food is a part of life. They drop it on the floor, slip it under chairs, tuck it in couch cushions and store it under the TV cabinet. Then later they find these treasures and think they’re some delightful treat for the present. I am constantly saying: “That’s old! Put it in the garbage.” When Isabel saw me put the bubbles in the trash, she translated my act to mean it’s old and you can’t touch it any more.
A couple weeks ago, as we were getting ready for her Pop-Pop’s 82nd birthday party, she said: “Mommy, I don’t like old things. They’re icky.” Again, I think she was referring to food, but … who knows? It was very random; there was no food in sight. I explained how old food was definitely icky, but some old things are nice … like Pop-Pop.
I’m not completely sure where I’m going with this … Just that it’s important to pause before reacting. Take a moment to be sure what’s going on before passing judgment. James says: “Let everyone be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger.” (James 1:19, NASB) Otherwise we end up with old bubbles and icky Pop-Pops.
The New Site is Here!
Notice anything different? 
The new site is up and running! This blog is just part of it. Feel free to explore the other pages via the menu (found horizontally under the books). I am loving the new look!!! Some pieces are still under construction. Please be patient with me as we make the transition. I’d love to know what you think! If you’ve got suggestions, shoot those my way, too. In the meantime, feel free to haver.
A Battle in the Mind
“Doubts about salvation can be the enemy’s attack upon true believers. Yet Shengjing (Scripture) says we should examine ourselves to see whether we are of the faith. We must make sure first we are his followers before we seek assurance. The enemy seeks to accuse us that we are not what we are. But just as surely, he seeks to assure us we are what we are not.”
- spoken by Li Quan to Ben Fielding in Safely Home by Randy Alcorn, p 142
Sometimes we forget the spiritual battle in which we live. Whether you are a believer or not, whether you claim to know God or refuse to believe He exists, you are in the midst of battle. You may not think you’re personally involved, but you are. Have you not the sword, you have a shield. Have you neither, you may just be the field. Forces of evil and forces of righteousness surround us, constantly waging war over our souls.
The paragraph quoted at the top of this post is from the novel I am currently reading. It’s about life and faith in the face of the persecuted church. This quote is speaking specifically about doubting one’s salvation. One character is wondering whether or not he has ever been saved. Sometimes we have those same doubts, but more often they’re a little different. We may be convinced of our salvation (rightly so or not), but doubt the security or the source of our salvation.
I can be a very insecure person. I doubt my abilities, my knowledge and my standings with friends and peers. I wonder what others are thinking of me and how my every action may be perceived. I doubt my performance as a child of the most holy God.
Is being a child of God about performance? Of course, not! It’s about grace. It’s about the love of a Creator for His creation. It’s about us accepting Christ as Lord and surrendering our lives to Him. Salvation is not granted through works. It cannot be earned. It cannot be lost. I know all this, so why do I doubt the “job” I am doing? Because those forces of evil want me to. They seek to convince me I am what I am not and I am not what I am.
Insecurities about who we are or what we have or haven’t done … These are doubts about the security and the source of salvation. These doubts are the enemy trying to sell us lies. We must examine ourselves, but not in light of our thoughts — Our thoughts are an open battlefield. We must examine ourselves in light of Scripture, never forgetting the spiritual battle in which we live. Once in the light of Scripture, we can see what is true and what is not; what is from God and what is from the enemy.
“For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.” – Ephesians 6:12 (NIV)
Check out the remainder of Ephesians 6 to prepare yourself for the battle. There we learn about the armour of God; how we can obtain it and how to wear it.
Crockpots aren’t so bad.
When Rick and I got married we were given three crockpots. I returned two of them. The one I kept had a small two-cup capacity. Why would we need a huge crockpot? There were only two of us and I didn’t know how to use one anyway. This lack of forward thinking is precisely my problem.
“So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” – Matthew 6:34 (NASB)
I’ve always used this verse (and the others like it) to defend my lack of planning. My thinking … I’m not gonna worry about it because it will take care of itself! I love being spontaneous; I love being surprised. Today is enough for me. I’m going to live it to the fullest and deal with tomorrow when it comes. Crockpots symbolize the opposite of this. They require thinking ahead and planning. They assume nothing exciting will happen during the day and everyone will be home at the right time craving exactly what we prepared that morning.
Well, eight years later, where once there were two, now there are four. Where once I despised monotony, now I crave a little predictability. A couple weeks ago I bought a new, much bigger crockpot and decided to learn how to use it.
Planning ahead is not so bad. I’ve found with this new kitchen gadget I can nearly eliminate happy hour. You know happy hour — the time when kids go crazy right before Daddy gets home; the time when I should be cooking and cleaning and finishing last minute chores. Well, with the crockpot, pieces of that chaos are gone. The meal is already done and there’s no mess because I’ve had all day to clean up the kitchen. You know the best part? When I’m not running around like crazy, neither are the kids. It’s fantastic!
Sometimes we worry too much about tomorrow. Sometimes we don’t worry about it enough. The struggle is finding the balance between responsibility and faith. Yes, God will take care of tomorrow the same way He takes care of today. But refusing to plan ahead can make room for unnecessary stress and chaos. Life can have both spontaneity and plans. We need to trust God to take care of tomorrow, but understand He may use a crockpot to do that.
Coming Soon …
… a NEW LOOK to In the Dailies!
I’m actually getting a whole new website and am so excited about it! I couldn’t wait to share it with you. Check it out: CLICK HERE to see the new design. Obviously, it’s not done yet, but you get the idea. I’d love to know what you think!
Now to answer a few questions …
Q: Do I have to learn a new address?
A: Nope. Not unless you want to. You will still be able to find me at the same address you’ve always used: www.inthedailies.blogspot.com. But you will also be able to access my blog through the main site. I’ll give you that address once it’s up and running.
Q: Will this affect my subscription?
A: Not at all. You will continue to get the same email updates like always.
Q: Why the new site?
A: With my writers conference just five weeks away, I’m doing a lot to prepare. One of those things is to professionalize my package. A personal trainer wasn’t in the budget, so I decided to get a new website. The new site will be brighter and more welcoming to new visitors and offer more to you than this site will allow.
Q: What’s wrong with your current site?
A: Nothing! But there are some things I want to have more static; things I want you to be able to find without a lot of trouble. For example: instead of having my bookshelf in the tiny margin to the left, I can have a whole page devoted to what I am currently reading and offer reviews I’ve recently finished. I can also have a whole page devoted accomplishments God has granted me through my writing and a page to give more background on me personally. With the new site, I can do all this without interrupting my regular blog posts. This blog is staying the same! It’s just getting a different look and will be connected to the other site. You are still encouraged to leave comments and contact me whenever. It’s just going to look a little different.
So, let me know what you think of the new design! And if you have any other questions, leave them in the comments as well. Thanks!
Tickled by Jesus
Tucking Isabel in bed always invites interesting conversations. Sometimes we talk about monsters or where the sun goes to sleep. Usually we talk about God. Last night she told me she was afraid of her bed.
This has been a common complaint of late. She is the only one who sleeps on the second floor; Zach, Rick and I have our rooms on the first floor. I think she’s just lonely. Once we finish the other bedroom, Zach will be moving up there, too. In the meantime, we have to settle her fears.
I explained to her God is everywhere and He will protect her. “Who made the world?”
“God!”
“Right! And He’s the biggest and strongest and He loves you so much. Do you know where He is?”
“In the sky?”
“Nope. He’s right here beside you. He lives in Mommy’s heart. He’s downstairs with Daddy and Zach, too. He’s all around us and He will protect you because He loves you.”
At this point she started giggling. “Jesus is tickling me!” That was the end of her fears for the night.
“I know the Lord is always with me. I will not be shaken, for He is right beside me.” — Psalm 16:8 (NLT)
God’s closeness is a wonderful abatement for fear, but it is more than that. I smile at the intimacy of Isabel’s statement: “Jesus is tickling me!” To understand how close God is, to believe He’s tickling you … what a wonderful thing! My mom uses the word “tickles” for delightment. It could be a simple thing said or the way a craft project comes together. If it makes her happy, it tickles her. If anything should delight us, it should be God.
In order for us to be tickled by God, we need to recognize His presence, but we also need to be close to Him. Spend some time with Him today and see how He can tickle your heart.
